Rate my essay (Rocketreview rating of 10.3)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
#1

<p>And RR says that the grading system it uses is within decimals of the real score.. I though I should have gotten lower, only one example from a book; well, just check below:</p>

<p>"Are even our bbest plans always at the mercy of unexpected, chance events?"</p>

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<p>It is a known and expected aphorism that the most meticuously planned events can fail due to random, unexpected consequences. This fact is clearly portrayed in Nadine Gordimer's noblel-winning book entiteled "The Pickup," as well as in event that took place within my own life.</p>

<p>In Nadine Gordimer's award winning book "The Pickup," plans of the protagonist often go awry; most so affecting the people around her. Jule Summers is a young woman in her early 30's rebelling against her family's rick bourgessie lifestyle. She moves into a gawdy, tawdry mishap of a town to get away from the past However, her plans to remain solitary are abruptly interrupted when she meets a young mechanic named Ibrahim. He seeks what she is running away from, and Julie, through this enconter, is forced to go back to her family to aid Ibrahim. Moreover, at a later point in the Novel Ibrahim learns he is being deported to his home country because he has been living in Julie's country illegaly. His plans for success and a better life were crushed, and his ambitions eradicated, due to an unexpected event. Moreso, when Julie learns Ibrahim is being deported, she is asked to buy ticked for Ibrahim. He is expecting a single ticket home, but Julie brings back two -- one for him and one for her. His acceptance of deportation was changed with Julie's eccentric choice, which came unheralded to Ibrahim. Finally, at the end fo the novel Ibrahim's longing for visa's to a new country comes through, but when he present them to Julie, she rejects it, preferring to stay in Ibrahim's country. This choicce was egregious in Ibrahim's eyes, but prudently planned to Julie.</p>

<p>As plans can often go awry in literature, they so can in everyday life. I spent weeks planning to travel to parliament with a group of ambitious youth as part of a community project, but the day before the trip was supposed to happen a power outage cancelled our plans.</p>

<p>As demonstrated in both literature and mundane events, prudent planning and meticoulous organixation can always fail due to being at the mercy of tenous, unexpected circumstances.</p>

#2

<p>" It is a known and expected aphorism that the most meticuously planned events can fail due to random, unexpected consequences. " </p>

<p>I haven't even read the rest of the essay yet. But the verbosity of this sentence just puts me off. Say it in your own language.</p>

#3

<p>Actually, never mind. Sorry I thoguht I was reading college essays for applications. I think they like that kind of BS language when you write for the SAT.</p>

#4

<p>no, i like that sentence. i think it shows his intellectual side</p>

#5

<p>U probably made 8 or 9. U jumped to the body real quick. A bit more insightful essay could possibly get u a 11. Ur voc is awesome. Just need some more points.</p>

#6

<p>
[quote]
Actually, never mind. Sorry I thoguht I was reading college essays for applications. I think they like that kind of BS language when you write for the SAT.

[/quote]

Hmm... I actually speak that way in real-life (off the internet), when around friends, staff, etc. so I don't think its "BS language". Maybe you should try to be more open, and less self-absorbed.</p>

#7

<p>
[quote]
Hmm... I actually speak that way in real-life (off the internet), when around friends, staff, etc. so I don't think its "BS language". Maybe you should try to be more open, and less self-absorbed.

[/quote]

.</p>

<p>You would say "It is a known and expected aphorism that the most meticuously planned events can fail due to random, unexpected consequences.." to friends? wowz0rs</p>

#8

<p>"It is a known and expected aphorism that the most meticuously planned events can fail due to random, unexpected consequences.."</p>

<p>That sentence IS bs. How the heck can an aphorism be expected? People sit around waiting for someone to say, "The best-laid plans of mice and men oft go awry!" ???</p>

<p>This isn't even an aphorism. "the most meticuously planned events can fail due to random, unexpected consequences" is neither a well-known expression nor particularly terse or well-worded.</p>

<p>Furthermore, things don't fail due to CONSEQUENCES. They fail due to CIRCUMSTANCES, LEADING to consequences. Consequences are what come AFTER something fails.</p>

#9

<p>Furthermore, things don't fail due to CONSEQUENCES. They fail due to CIRCUMSTANCES, LEADING to consequences. Consequences are what come AFTER something fail</p>

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<p>now THAT was the word I was looking for.. and i agree completely with the rest of your post..but it was the SAT essay, y'know?</p>

#10

<p>This is 3-4 out of 6 scale. I HIGHLY doubt if it will receive 5 because although your vocabulary is good (I wouldn't say excellent because I've seen better ones), your reasons are very weak. I won't say anything about your intro because already other people castigated about its quality. Second paragraph (I didn't read it carefully) seems to be OK. Third paragraph is NOT a paragraph. I'm saying this to remind you that each paragraph should have at least 3-4 sentences (3 isn't actually much either; I prefer 4-6) but you only have 2 sentences. Last concluding sentence isn't too bad but overall, you need a lot of improvement.</p>

<p>Just a thought.. How long did you think to write about the prompt? Maybe if you think about 5 minutes and plan out 2-3 reasons, then your essay may be better. It may be possible that you rushed through the essay when you reached your second reason. Maybe, and maybe not.</p>

#11

<p>I just ran out of room when I reached the second reason.. I finished with like 3 minutes to spare, then had no idea what to do because there wasn't any more room on the paper..I have to learn to write smaller</p>

#12