Rate my essay

[akashbansal]

<p>When I won the CBSE Heritage Quiz for the third consecutive year, I felt elated. But nothing gave me more joy than when Siddhartha Basu himself, the acclaimed quizmaster, said to me, perhaps jocularly, “You should write a book; you’re that good”. That’s when something clicked inside me-this is what I was meant to do .It was such a captivating idea; my head was brimming with interesting facts about India’s rich heritage. I had amassed these as I read my way through hundreds of books, and visited historical sites and museums throughout India over the last 8 years. What I needed was a good way to collect and organize these facts, and present them attractively. Through the medium of a quizbook, I wanted to introduce my peers to India’s glorious past, so that we can all once again be proud of our country.</p>

<p>I had to estimate the time and resources to be invested. I also had to plan out an interesting, unique format to hold the attention of the reader and also decide on the optimal number of questions to be put in. I realized that I would be able to finish this book within a month only if I took some external help. So, I asked one of my quiz team partners, Abhinav, to help me out in my endeavor.</p>

<p>I soon realized that framing a question was completely different from answering one. My task was to go beyond the conventional starting of “Who? What? When?”, and making the question grammatically sound at the same time. By adding some details, I gave more information in the question than in the answer. Every question in a set had to be worded differently to continue to excite interest. Besides, I had to be extremely wary of inaccuracies creeping in so that there was no chance of being sued!</p>

<p>Despite my best efforts, I discovered many a faux pas while proofreading. In fact, one question had been repeated 5 times! A lot of time was spent in making corrections and preparing a final draft.</p>

<p>On seeing the manuscript, my Principal introduced me to a publisher, Mr. Malik of Har–Anand Publications, who readily agreed to publish it. “Kaleidoscope India” hit bookstores in October and will be formally released on November 4,2004.</p>

<p>Through this experience, I learnt about the publishing process, increased my typing speed and also became quite proficient in using Microsoft Word!</p>

<p>I had taken a big, but calculated risk. I wrote this quizbook towards the end of 11th grade- no one has ever heard of a high school student in India do that. Everyone is busy cramming for exams, attending coaching classes for engineering and medical colleges. But here I was, in the middle of it all, wanting passionately to write my book. I knew I had to do it now, at this stage of my life, or I could never pick up that momentum again. I was sure that I could work extra hard and make up my schoolwork later on. It was a big struggle for me, but I managed it all! It wasn’t easy. Sometimes I had a lot of help and encouragement, and sometimes, dire warnings from my elders about this being a bottomless pit sucking all my precious time. But perhaps, the lesson I learnt is that life is full of hard choices, yet we need to follow our passions, and excel at what we love doing most.</p>

[k0w]

<p>mmm i dunno much about app essays, but there seems to be a lot of past tense like "had," "was," and stuff. try using action verbs</p>

[ritz]

<p>Great essay Akash...Longish but that's alright. All the best!</p>

[akashbansal]

<p>Thanks ritambhara!</p>

[shjanama77]

<p>akash: i think your topic is good because you talk about a great achievement...although I wouldn't quite agree that EVERYONE in india is busy studying for exams and attending coaching classes for engineering and medical..that's a dangerous stereotype...besides...i have friends who are pretty good at writing and have had their stories/articles published in leading newspapers and magazines...you might want to tone that part down a little bit...</p>

<p>other than that...i suppose it's fine...good luck!</p>

[axfr]

<p>nice work!!! i just feel its a bit to "cut up" at times (i did this then i did that ...)
good choice of subject (i'm half indian myself ;))</p>

[laxfan85]

<p>Good subject, but a very basic essay in terms of the diction and syntax</p>

<p>Try maybe to introduce a few complex-ish twists?</p>

[ahimsa48]

<p>I dont like it at all. Other than learning that you like quizes (?) and published a quizbook with lots of facts, I learn nothing about YOU. I also feel that the writing is a bit immature. Overall, the essay is boring. This tp of essay should really be a short answer, not the main focus. Think about it this way, adcoms will read this essay b/c it should channel our voice. Unless the only thing that is worthwhile about you is this quizbook and the loads of studying you put off to write it, I dont get the feeling that you are an interesting individual who can enrich the Harvard community.</p>

[super6]

<p>I have to agree with ahimsa48. You have to keep in mind that these adcoms are actually people who have personalities. I'm sure they might enjoy reading about significant accomplishments, but then again yours might be the thousandth one...</p>

[Shubham]

<p>Akash Congratulations for getting your book published at such a young age!</p>

<p>Regarding your essay I can honestly say that it certainly is a unique topic but try to include your achievements in the field of quizzing and explain the fame of siddhartha basu as we may know it but the admissions counsellor may not know him. Also more interesting topics might be what you expect US to be like? Explain your writing of the book in terms of your emotions, family support, teacher encouragement etc? comparison between India and US - poverty etc?
Wish you good luck
Shubham</p>

[chidimma]

<p>that's cool that you wrote a book, but I also find your essay a bit boring. I don't think it tells us anything special about you (aside form the fact that you've published a book, which is awesome by the way). try reworking it, maybe focus on how difficult it was to write it to dit, or some other aspect of putting the book together.....</p>

[glaoum]

<p>good job publishing a book... that's a good thing always
But... as others have said, the essay was boring - all about you, bundled in a rather immature format.</p>

<p>Focus on what you did - not that you did it. you know what I mean? You just say, basically "Ooh, look at me, I wrote a book, unlike other indians, who just study at home." That's inappropriate. My cousins in India are extremely motivated (1 is International Mathematics Olympiad medal winner, other got a job w/ Infosys in 11th grade)... so no need to make yourself look like a demigod. Just tell them what it was like to write the book. Don't tell... show.</p>

[akashbansal]

<p>Hi all,
Thanks for your advice.I made some major changes to this one before sending it .Hopefully it will be recieved better by the adcoms</p>

[invictus]

<p>great achievement. i'd like to be published someday =)</p>

[hello]

<p>The achievement is great, but i dont think you should write an essay on that, since you already will me mentioning it on the app.</p>

<p>the essay is NOT supposed to tell the adcoms something they already know!!</p>

[stcoleridge]

<p>i have to agree with others-- you have a poor command of prose, a poor sense of flow, horrible syntax. You fell into the trap of gloating about being published, which isnt that big of a deal seriously, anybody can come up with a bunch of questions and make a book--all you need is money.</p>

<p>Sorry chum, you should look to a place like Northwestern or Emory.</p>

[Mstangescu]

<p>Akash, who are you?...
The only thing your essay TELLS me is that you wrote a book. Does that book define you? It would be sad if it did. Furthermore, your essay has some very rude generalizations about indians. I may not know much about your people, but I do know that people are very different from one another and I am sure that people do not have the same goals in life.
What i can INFER at a quick glance is that you are an extremely arrogant person and a show-off. You don't have to use words from and SAT wordlist to express your thoughts clearly. I remember noticing that when I did a proofreading for my essay, and then I removed all the words that seemed to stick out and disturb the flow and tone of my writing.
I'm not saying you ARE self-centered and a show-off, but that's how it looks like. On the other hand, it may be a good idea to use that tone...
The main problem with your essay (as I see it) is that it doesn't yield any information about you or about your expectations (and plans).</p>

[raven001]

<p>"But here I was, in the middle of it all, wanting passionately to write my book."</p>

<p>Seems like you're trying a little too hard here.</p>

[studyguy346]

<p>As a reader, I think your essay was boring and cliche. Pick up the book "On Writing the College Application Essay" by Harry Bauld and see if it helps your writing.</p>