Rate my essays, please

[LeeGiS]

<p>Hello,
I’ll be posting my essays here, every time I’ll write one.
Rate them, please, if you have free time.</p>

<p>First one’s question:

What is your belief on the notion that knowledge makes one happier?

</p>

<p>Answer:

Some people think that knowledge brings happiness, while others disagree. But does it really bring happiness? The answer is simple – yes it does.
Firstly, think about the greatest inventors and phisycists. Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, we can also consider ancient Greek for this matter. Why do you think they tried either to invent or to prove something? Do you think that they wanted fame? I disagree – they wanted knowledge. It was the main stimulus for them. They felt great when they did that nobody else hade made before.
Moreover, most of people love reading books. Why do you think they read books? We could find several reasons for that and one of them is knowledge. In my opinion, everyone who reads books, of course, agrees that reading brings him or her happiness. However, not every book brings knowledge… There are two kinds of books: fiction and non-fiction. I believe that fiction books do not lead you to more knowledge. But the other kind of books surely does.
Personally, I just love getting more knowledge and it certainly does make me happier. I really do feel more self-confident when I have more knowledge than surrounding people. What is more, not only do I feel self-confident and happier, but also I am broadening my horizons while I am getting more knowledge. Consequently, my goals are getting bigger and I believe that I am becoming more successful person.
Although there are group of people who will never admit that knowledge leads people to happiness, it certainly does. Consider famous inventors and physicists and also not forget to look into your lifes. Think whether your so beloved habits brings you knowledge. Then say to yourself: how can knowledge not bring happiness?

</p>

<p>Thank you!!!</p>

[LeeGiS]

<p>Few more essays, I wrote today:</p>

<p>Question:

Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?

</p>

<p>Answer:

Knowledge is the power and it always be one. Knowledge is the only thing that leads world to developement. But can it hurt us if we are too knowledgeable?</p>

<p>Knowledge and power are related. Your community respects intelligent people who are highly educated. When you are more educated, you have better opportunity of finding better job. Better job means more money. More money is more power. And power is the thing that makes world go round.</p>

<p>Let‘s get back to the 16th century. The very beginning of the Renaissance. People hardly had any knowledge. There had been almost no chances since the ancient world. People‘s habits were virtually the same, the understanding of the world was the same as well. When the people sailed the world they gained more knowledge. They could finally prove that world was round.And since then we have been developing only because of knowledge.</p>

<p>What if we had no knowledge? We would live in the same conditions that people lived centuries before. There will be no progress and development in the world. So how can knowledge be burden? There is no way it can hurt us. By saying us, I mean the person who is intelligent – yourself. However, it can easily hurt the surrounding people. Smart people make their fortune by hurting other people. It is how the world is formed – the strong will survive and the weak will die.</p>

<p>I do not believe that knowledge can be a burden in any way. It cannot hurt us, so how can it be a burden? Knowledge might be the weapon but it will never be the weapon. If you still disagree with me, imagine the world without knowledge. How is that? Would you like living in 15th century’s conditions and probably die from famine?

</p>

<p>Other question:

Should modern society be criticized for being materialistic?

</p>

<p>Answer:

Modern society is based on materialistic needs. Every person in the world has got some needs. The main reason for our capitalistic world is because people have materialistic needs.</p>

<p>Imagine yourself having no money. Would you be happy? You can easily tell me that you need no money and you would be completely happy if you had love and health in your life. But is it true? Would you be happy if you were completely healthy and had a person who loved you with all his or her hearth? Your answer is clear: YES! Let me add one condition to that matter. You have love, health, you have doctor’s degree is something, but you live on the street. Are you satisfied now?</p>

<p>Personally, money is the most important thing is my life. Yes, I know that I cannot buy love, health, etc… However, I believe that these are the things that come with the time. When talking about money, everyone emphasizes that happiness cannot be bought. Why does everybody think that materialists are unhappy? I think that is really extremeness. Materialist can easily have money, even concentrate on money, and have good health and love.</p>

<p>Let‘s take some billionaires for example. The second richest person in the world is Bill Gates. This is the person that has very high morality. He gives billions to the charity and nobody considers him materialist. But do you think that he would have earned his $50 billions without having materialistic needs? I doubt this. When you want something, you try to achieve it. I do not think that Bill earned his fortune without having materialistic needs. And we can consider not only Bill Gates, but also every wealthy person – they have high materialistic needs but still are happy.</p>

<p>Money is mandatory for your happiness. You might not agree with this but that is the only truth. Materialism is completely understandable phenomenom. Look at our capitalistic world and you will see how important are materialistic needs.

</p>

<p>One more question:

Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth?

</p>

<p>Answer:

Telling the truth is obligatory thing to do, especially when this concerns people who are close to you: relatives, friends, family… However, there are certain times when we should keep that truth for ourselves. But we should not lie either. We have to judge on the situation which we are in.</p>

<p>Suppose that you are visiting friend which is suffering from the death of family member. Your friend recently have attempted to pass the exam. You got the results first and your friend have no idea whether he passed it or not. What should you do? The best way is not to mention the exam. But what if he asks about it? You should either delicately change the topic or say that you do not know the results yet.</p>

<p>Imagine another situation: your friend has just had a new haircut. He asks you how he looks. Which option do you think is better: telling the truth or lying? Well, you know your friend better than I do and I cannot tell you what to do, but if I were you, I would surely tell him that he looks fine. It is not really lie, is it? You just keep your opinion to yourself in order not to insult your friend.</p>

<p>These are just examples of situations when we should not tell truth. In real life there are lots of situations when we have to decide whether to tell the truth or not. However, there are certain situations when we should tell the truth no matter how hard it is. I have one particular situation. Your relative has just done his or her blood test and somehow you got the results first. The results are frustrating: he or she has a cancer. Now you have the dilemma: be sincere or wait till the last moment. This is the situaton when you MUST tell the truth. No matter how grievous it is, the person who is sick must know that he is sick!!!</p>

<p>Circumstances definitely determine whether truth should be told or not. There are certain situations when it is better to hide the truth for a while as well as tell it instantly. We should follow our hearth to determine which situation is which.

</p>

<p>And the last question:

Is it always the best one’s own views of right and wrong or can we benefit from following the crowd?

</p>

<p>Answer:

Every person in the world has the so called „the herd instinct“. It really could cloud our judgement at times. To become successful we should determine our views ourself and not let others influence our choices.</p>

<p>Firstly, who do you think are successful? Do you think that successful are political leaders such as Hitler or Winston Churchill? Maybe do you think that successful are great inventors as T. Edison and G. Bell? Personally, I think that successful people are those persons who have achieved great things in their lives. By saying great things, I mean that they have achieved their goals. I consider all of my mentioned persons successful, even Hitler, who did lots of bad things. And not only these people.</p>

<p>Everyone has different goals: some want to be scientics, others want to become great politicians, while the other part wants to become rich. Every single person has some aims.What should we do to achieve them? Yes, we have to determine our choices OURSELVES. Why do you think there is such a limited number of successful people in the world? I believe that about 90 percent of all people follow „the herd instinct“. All that 90 per cent of people are virtually the same. They have the very same minor goals and do not have major goals at all. You may ask me why. And I have the answer for you: the people surrounding them determine their goals. It is really difficult to achieve something, when everybody around you tells you that it is not possible. Actually, it is difficult at least to try.</p>

<p>Let‘s take the person who you consider to be successful. I do consider Bill Gates to be the most successful person in the world. He has everything he wants, he has achieved probably everything he had ever aimed for. Do you want to know why? He would have never let everybody else influence his decisions. Do you think that he did not face negative comments from people like “ it is impossible“ or „you must be joking“, or even „you are not going anywhere with this“? Yes, he certainly did. He just determined his choices by himself. And he is not the only person who did this. As I have mentioned earlier, you can think about every person who do you consider successful.</p>

<p>We can NOT never benefit from following the crowd. The crowd will always remain The Crowd. If you want to be nobody you can follow „the herd instinct“, but if you want truly achieve something – do NOT let anyone determing your choices!!!

</p>

<p>Please, rate them…</p>

[NotJustIvy]

<p>

People hardly had any knowledge… People‘s habits were virtually the same…

</p>

<p>Really? I don’t know about that…</p>

[LeeGiS]

<p>what are you trying to say?</p>

[NotJustIvy]

<p>I’m saying that I don’t think that “people hardly had any knowledge” before the Renaissance, and I doubt that “people’s [sic] habits were virtually the same.”</p>

[LeeGiS]

<p>Oh, I thought that I made some grammar errors there.
Well, we will never know whether they had any knowledge or not. I was trying to emphasize the difference in people’s outlook before the Renaissance and after.</p>

[LeeGiS]

<p>please, evaluate them, somebody…</p>

[brownman23]

<p>First Essay about knowledge and happiness: 3/6. It was, in my opinion not a great essay. The questions you posed had no purpose and hurt your argument. Rather than saying I disagree, just say what you think.</p>

<p>

Do you think that they wanted fame? I disagree – they wanted knowledge.

.</p>

<p>Why did you even mention fiction books. If it doesn’t help your point, why mention it. You also talk about not only does it bring happiness, it helps you broaden your horizons. Unnecessary details, and it hurts your essay.
The essay lacked cohesiveness and detail.</p>

[brownman23]

<p>Second Essay on knowledge being burdensome:</p>

<p>Where is your thesis in the essay???</p>

<p>

Knowledge might be the weapon but it will never be the weapon. If you still disagree with me, imagine the world without knowledge. How is that? Would you like living in 15th century’s conditions and probably die from famine?

</p>

<p>How can knowledge might be but never will be the weapon? Contradictory…?
Are you trying to intimidate the opposing side by threatening famine? </p>

<p>Overall, blotchy reasoning. Your paragraphs barely supported that knowledge is not a burden.</p>

<p>the essay is a 3. I would not be surprised with a 2. ALWAYS SAY YOUR THESIS IN THE INTRODUCTION.</p>

[SaintSaens]

<p>These scores seem accurate. Your conclusion for your knowledge essay is not good. I’ll add on to some critique:</p>

<p>

I do not believe that knowledge can be a burden in any way. It cannot hurt us, so how can it be a burden? Knowledge might be the weapon but it will never be the weapon. If you still disagree with me, imagine the world without knowledge. How is that? Would you like living in 15th century’s conditions and probably die from famine?

</p>

<p>Avoid rhetorical questions. They weaken your argument. Also avoid using the first and second person forms in you essays.</p>

<p>The main reason why this is a poor conclusion is because you try to present more arguments (using rhetorical questions) that should not be there. A good conclusion should at minimum restate your thesis (which means you also need your thesis in the intro), restate your arguments, and state a consequence of your thesis (or the consequences of not having your thesis) that relate to your arguments (you did this part, but did not articulate it well).</p>

<p>I could write more, but I don’t have the time and this just stood out to me.</p>

[LeeGiS]

<p>Thank you both for your reviews.</p>

<p>And about that weapon thing… I made a mistake.
It should be:

Knowledge might be the weapon but it will never be the burden.

</p>

[ngannguyen1510]

<p>Your essays are well-built
Ideas are various and outrageous.
It may be a cliche but I think you shouldn’t use that much ‘I’
Try to add more examples to support your ideas.
However, you shouldn’t give lots of your own thoughts( For example, how do you know that Bill Gates is that materialistic? He made a fortune because of his breakthrough)
Bill Gates can be an illustration but you can write in another way in which the grader won’t consider you as a short-sighted
:)</p>

[LeeGiS]

<p>Thanks for advice. :)</p>

[silverturtle]

<p>

and I doubt that “people’s [sic] habits were virtually the same.”

</p>

<p>What’s the error?</p>