Rate my SAT Blue Book essay please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Question: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?</p>

<p>Changes that make our lives easier always make our lives better. Three examples to support this are the Industrial Revolution, the promotions of modernization, and the uses of computers today. </p>

<p>The Industrial Revolution was a time when people went from producing goods by hand to producing goods using machines. Ever since this change, rates of production have increased. People have been able to make more clothing and other products for everyday use than ever before. Not only this, but there were also a few famous inventions that came out of this era, such as the Cotton Gin, and the Steam Engine. </p>

<p>The main promotions of modernization were those of Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, and Deng Xiapong. Joseph Stalin’s policy were his Five Year Plans, Mao Zedong’s policy was the Great Leap Forward, and Deng Xiapong’s policy was the Four Modernizations. These leaders each believed in a policy called communism, which states that the government must be able to control its society, as well as the lives of its citizens. Stalin, Zedong, and Xiapong all followed this policy because they thought that this policy was appropriate to increase production rates. If it weren’t for these leaders, we wouldn’t have many of the products we do today. </p>

<p>There are several reasons why the invention of the computer is important today. One main reason is communication. If it weren’t for computers, we wouldn’t be able to communicate with our family members and friends across the globe. Another reason is education. If computers weren’t around, we wouldn’t be able to find information as efficiently as we do today. As a result, students wouldn’t be able to get too many assignments done at school. Researchers and scientists wouldn’t be able to make too many new discoveries. </p>

<p>In other words, changes that try to modify our lives to make them better always succeed. When you think about clothing, think about the Industrial Revolution. When you see the label or imprint that says, ‘‘Made in China’’, think about communism and modernization. The next time you go on to a computer for any reason, or even see a computer, ask yourself, ‘‘What would life be like today, if it weren’t for computers?’’.</p>

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<p>Straight off the bat of the introduction, it doesn’t have a thesis which is almost a MUST for ANY successful essay…</p>

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<p>Sorry. I don’t really know what you mean. I specifically stated, ‘‘Changes that make our lives easier always make our lives better.’’. Did you read the question before reading my essay?</p>

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<p>I think the intros fine…warpclaw explain more in detail is it because eliza’s intro is only 2 sentences?</p>

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<p>Lol thanks…but if I were to add a third sentence to my introduction, what would it have been?</p>

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<p>I think you went too broad. when I read it it felt like you were missing the point. I don’t get how looking at a label and reading Made in China makes me think of communism, and how, at all, is that a good thing?</p>

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<p>Hmmmm…now that I re-read it, I think I agree a LITTLE…And it makes one think of communism because Mao Zedong and Deng Xiapong promoted mass production of goods in China.</p>

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<p>eliza are you Chinese?</p>

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<p>^^ about the 2 sentences thing…isn’t it like that on "how to get a ‘12’ in just 10 days post?</p>

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<p>1) Yes, I am, but I learned about Zedong and Xiapong in Global History class. I thought you guys would have known about them, if you took Global. </p>

<p>2) No clue. Didn’t read it yet.</p>

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<p>The second example is a little bit risky. What if someone who grades your paper is biased against communism?</p>

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<p>xxeliza321xx : did you complete this essay in 25 minutes?
i suck at essays :frowning: and i am pretty slow too.</p>

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<p>@forthesakeofedu: I don’t think that the person who grades my paper would deduct points, just because he or she doesn’t share the same views as I do. </p>

<p>nseries: More like 30-35. Reason being is that I got an approval notice from the Collegeboard for double time on every test. I actually get 50 minutes. I have an auditory processing issue.</p>

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<p>don’t assume that in a SAT essay. write all the information necessary to explain your point</p>

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<p>Oh okay thanks! You mean, I need more of a bridge in my essay? You mean, I could have explained EXACTLY how their policies increased production rates (what these policies stated, what people did exactly during and after these policies were enforced)?</p>