Rate my Stanford Essays Please

<p>Stanford
1.Stanford students possess intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
(1960 characters)
The summer of junior year changed my life. I had always been knowledgeable but I did not truly become intellectual until this summer. Most people would consider the ability to quickly absorb information to be intellect; I disagree. It makes them knowledgeable but certainly not intellectual. During the summer, I had a fortunate shadowing opportunity with a neurologist. There, while learning about prions or seeing patients with hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy would seem boring to most people, I, somehow, found interest in these topics. The legs of knowledge would advance them in life until the cliff they face. On the other side, there is opportunity. On the same side, there is security. When the time comes, knowledge itself cannot muster enough power in order to get a person to take a leap to the other side of opportunity. This is the critical difference between intellectual people and knowledgeable people: risk-taking. Both possess the knowledge to get to the cliff but only the intellectual will take a leap to the other side to further advance in life. I faced many bumps in earlier in my life that I overcame but this summer was by far my biggest cliff. I had always been knowledgeable but taking that leap into a brand new environment required intellect of me. I was not only expected to perform on a high school level but I was expected to compete and learn with medical students. The opportunity that I received is limited to medical school students and I was accepted hesitantly. However, I was resolved to jump this cliff. The challenge was certainly hefty; I was expected to be as knowledgeable as a medical student on the brain in two weeks, but I stood up to the challenge and I succeeded. Today, my mentor still keeps in contact with me as I have been the hardest working and youngest student he has ever had and I will continue to be grateful for him as he has enabled me to now truly become intellectual and not simply knowledgeable.</p>

<ol>
<li>Virtually all of Stanford’s undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate—and us—know you better.
(1978 characters) </li>
</ol>

<p>Dear future roommate,
I will begin directly by listing the eight most important phrases and words that describe who I am, what I hate, and what I like.

  1. Spotify- First, Spotify is the music program I use to listen to music. I can basically listen to any music I want for free and it is perfectly legal. However, Spotify is out of bounds. The wide array of music in my collection will leave you confused<br>
  2. Transparent Lock- These apparently contradictory words explain me. I am a transparent social person but I am also a lock for you. Anything you say to me will be kept only with me and only you have the key to open it.
  3. Arrogance- Thereafter, this accursed word will be referred to as “it-that-must-not-be-named”. This quality disgusts me. As long as you do not have this quality, we will get along.
  4. Never- There are a few qualities I will never show to you. There is an official list: “it-which-must-not-be-named”, anger, mockery, gloominess. My personal mantra is to enjoy life for what it is, not to ruin it for both you and others.
  5. Friendship- Everything that we have today is temporary; only friends and family will stay with me for a long time and I will always put my friends and family over anything else I may face.
  6. Optimistic- I follow my personal mantra. Mutual optimism will make the world a better place. I will maintain mine, and I only ask that you maintain yours. Also, note that I love smiley faces and will use them frequently. A little happiness takes one a long way.
  7. Receptive- As the quality suggests, I like to listen and I also like to talk so fire away.
  8. Different- I am different from what your first impressions of me are. I do not believe in first impressions. I am a gregarious person and I am sure we will enjoy our time at Stanford.</p>

<p>I am not a big fan of poetry but if you are, you might have noticed that the above was an acrostic poem. Decipher it. It is my first gift to you.
Sincerely,
(my name)
What matters to you, and why?
(1929 characters)
Coming into high school, I was given no direction on where to go. I knew that I needed good grades in school but otherwise, I knew very little. I could have easily just given up in high school. I did not know anything when I first came in. However, my resolve did not let me give up. In order to learn more, I decided to go to the Student Activities center in my school and looked through information sheets of each club and decided to try out a few. I tried out Scholastic Bowl, Future Doctors of America, Future Business Leaders of America and Debate initially; I did not stick with all of them. That decision to go to Student Activities was the best decision I made in my high school career. With lots of experimentation, I forged my own unique path through high school.
Today, I can proudly say that I have achieved much more than I had expected. I had one secret: self-initiative. I believe having a self-initiative is the most important quality a human needs. I had the willpower within me to keep improving myself and never gave up. If I had quit in my initial struggles, I would be nowhere close to as successful as I am today. I like any other human being, consistently faced struggles during my life that got in my way through high school but I persevered through them. Everyone who has ever been successful had this will of fire within them. Many of the most successful scientists we know had failed many times but kept going. Many of the most successful leaders we know had failed many times but continued to be confident in their rule. The willpower within me burns strongly, and without it, I would not be me. This will within me is the benefactor to all my success. There are a plenty of choices in the word for me to choose from to matter to me but if I could only choose one quality, it would be the willpower and the ability to be self-directed. As long as I have this willpower, nothing will be too much for me.</p>

<p>I tried to make second one chill but I think I may have went overboard on all three of them by making the second one way too chill and first and third way too serious. Also, I don’t think my vocabulary is very complex but I know if I try to have better vocabulary, it’ll be too wordy. Thank you in advance.</p>

<p>Just so you know, it’s a bad idea to put your essays into a post like this. Some people may try to steal them along with your ideas.
Other than that, I would say that your essays are decent and could use a little polishing. There are parts that are confusing to the reader; however, I think these essays possess great potential.</p>

<p>Agreed - your essays should be private. Ask your English teacher, your college counselor, a parent, or someone else trusted for feedback.</p>

<p>The first one particularly could use some re-working.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Personally, I think it would be good to edit through your essays thoroughly to keep them concise and pithy, so that your ideas can be presented coherently and clearly.</p>

<p>Spotify, Transparent Lock, Arrogance, Never, Friendship, Optimistic, Receptive, Different</p>

<p>STANFORD. Nice.</p>

<p>You have nice essays. Show it to a couple of close friends / family members and ask them for their opinion. Also get someone to proofread them. From experience I can tell you that proofreading your own essays doesn’t usually work out so well.</p>

<p>Your first essay contains several severe errors in expression. Your roommate essay is profoundly mundane and pedestrian. The use of an acrostic comes across as juvenile. Third essay: completely unmemorable, doesn’t distinguish you at all because there’s no individual voice.</p>

<p>Honest thoughts from a complete stranger, of course. I don’t even know what the rest of your app looks like.</p>

<p>As time is running out, I’d recommend just polishing the first and injecting voice into the third</p>

<p>“Will of Fire”? <em>.</em> i see what you did there lol</p>

<p>This thread is a year old.</p>

<p>Lol thanks for pointing that out Hoggirl. I wouldn’t have even noticed.
I wonder if this person got into Stanford with these essays…</p>

<p>^I wondered, too! Did a search of other posts by the OP, but didn’t find any posts after December of last year. Guess we’ll never know!</p>