Rate my statement prompt 1

<p>My biggest aspiration is to view the world by visiting different places. There is nothing more interesting to me than exploring and discovering new things that I did not think possible. I hope that one day I will be able to share that with the people I care. </p>

<p>I have grown up on a community where most of my life people have told me that what I aspire is impossible and that I cannot do things simply because of who I am and where I come from, a community mostly made up of Hispanic people. The graduation rate at Huntington Park High School is very low compared to the other schools in the district, and because of this I have heard people say that we are a minority who will not prevail. I refuse to accept this nonsense because not everyone is a like and anyone has the ability to succeed if they wished. </p>

<p>Even until this day people have tried to put me down by pointing out how things are impossible and that the decisions I have made will only lead me to failure; instead they say that I will not make it far and advice me to seek a man and get married. This advice has come from my own family and it does hurt how little they berate me but they strengthen and prepare me for the world. I sense it will not be easy, and all this just the start. </p>

<p>Not so long ago I was called by my mom to come and help her out in her work. I decide since I was not doing much in my break to go help her, and I was finally able to feel what it was to work as an immigrant worker with a low salary, but that did not matter because I was finally able to help my mom with something, and it did not bug me until a few days ago. Once more they needed more people and he told my mom to bring me, she denied so he asked why. Her response was obvious; it was because I was in school but her boss was nonchalant about it and did not care about whether I was receiving an education, he would have rather have me working at his disposition. </p>

<p>Growing up in a world where people constantly tell you, you cannot succeed has urged me to become stronger and ignore all that. No one can tell me what I can and cannot do and there is a beauty to this, because here is where I show them what I think. I think I can prove them wrong and do what I have dreamed, become someone successful who others can look up and help them.</p>

<p>Overall good essay. A very strong ending!</p>

<p>very good!
here are some suggestions. proofread a few more times: “a like” should be “alike”.
I can really hear your voice in this essay and that is the best part. And how are you a minority specifically because you said your neighborhood is predominantly Hispanic.</p>

<p>There are multiple errors. For example: in the first paragraph, people I care… Seems like you need another word here. Care about? </p>

<p>Grown up on a community… do you mean in? what I aspire… what I aspire to?
advice me should be advise me. How little they berate me means that they don’t criticize you a lot, but it seems like you mean the opposite. And all this just the start… missing a word in there.</p>

<p>I decide since should be I decided since. She denied… Do you mean declined?</p>

<p>Proofread some more.</p>