<p>My good friend lost her husband in June. Fast forward to current time–Her colleague’s father died this week and she is vascillating about attending his funeral. She thinks she will be too emotional. I am inclined to agree that it might be too hard for her–just too soon after such a profound loss. Under any other set of circumstances, she would attend to show support for her colleague/friend. I wish she would give herself permission to take a pass.</p>
<p>Any experience with this one? Not sure how to help her…</p>
<p>Ask her if she believes that she would regret skipping this funeral. If she knows that she would, then she needs to go. She just might want to bring her own extra large box of tissues - which would be OK provided she’s willing to share. If she knows that she won’t regret skipping it because there are many other ways to support her colleague through this time in the colleague’s life, then she should stay home. Her friend will certainly understand.</p>
<p>I don’t believe there’s a “should” involved in this decision. At one time, it was expected that widows/widowers and others who’d lost loved ones would go into “deep mourning” for a full year, during which time they didn’t have to tend to any of their usual social obligations. Sometimes, I think we now try to rush too much to get on with our lives and don’t permit ourselves to grieve.</p>
<p>I think it would be fine for your friend to skip the funeral. It would be nice if she could send a brief handwritten note of sympathy, and even make a donation in memory of the deceased (if she’s close to the bereaved.)</p>
<p>We had this happen to us, and would have been surprised if the newly bereaved had been at the funeral; certainly we understood the absence. A card, later, is always the right thing no matter what. And as far as helped the bereaved, the best thing anyone can do is listen to them. Sounds like the OP is doing a good job of that.</p>