Read mah UC essay plzk?

<p>It's a little bit long right now (~770 words) so I plan on shortening it to about 700 words by my next draft. Also, I plan on using this essay for the common app, but a shorter version. And * maybe* for one of the QB essays if I can make it in time. </p>

<p>Some of my main concerns:</p>

<li>too boring? tell me if it captured your attention in the beginning and kept it throughout the essay</li>
<li>too cliche/corny, especially towards the end</li>
<li>if you figure out some ways to cut it down, then tell me</li>
<li>too predictable?</li>
<li>any other general or specific way to improve it, tell me.</li>

<p>tell me if you want to critique, not just read it</p>

<p>sure pm it</p>

<p>Send it over...!</p>

<p>Send it over senor/senorita.</p>