Read my Cornell College of Arts and Sciences Essay?

<p>Hi! Please read my essay, and let me know what you think of it!! Any proofreading or suggestions or constructive criticism would be wonderful :)</p>

<p>Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.</p>

<p>It was absolutely sweltering the day when my friend and I ventured out of our air-conditioned suburban neighborhood to finish our final school project on street photography. Sweating, we lugged our oversized digital cameras into the city, intent on capturing a few more pictures of city life. I had expected a few monotonous hours of searching for architecture in the scorching heat and then returning home for swim practice. Instead, I stayed in the city for the entire day, photographing people and simply talking to them. I forgot the heat, discomfort, and all other distractions as I learned to listen to what others were saying. What began as an unavoidable excursion into the city turned into a brilliant opportunity outside my comfort zone. During the summer, I returned to the city many times to talk to an immense variety of people, from the homeless to the privileged. I even started a project on Instagram, called People of Pittsburgh, to display the story portraits of the people I interviewed. Talking to people with very different backgrounds was what first piqued my interest in people’s behavior and interactions.
However, during the school year, I could barely find any time to escape into the city and continue my story portraits, as I had to focus on balancing schoolwork, athletics, and extracurricular activities. My favorite by far was Kiwanis Club, which required fifty hours of volunteer work. In my four years of high school the Kiwanis Club granted me various opportunities to help my school, such as poster making, dance decorating, and fundraiser brainstorming. However, out of all the activities I did, I enjoyed most the ones where I was able to interact with my club members and people from other organizations. My passion for listening and working with others was even reflected in the officer positions I held: Publicity Chairman and Class Director. Working as Publicity Chairman allowed me to connect with the student body about upcoming events, whereas Class Director required me to find people and organizations willing to collaborate to create wonderful volunteer opportunities for the club. I truly enjoyed talking, observing, and understanding all kinds of people I worked with.
Cornell appeals to me in its approach to a diverse liberal arts education, where a variety of classes can be taken. I feel Cornell will let me explore my broad interests, yet also eventually help me wisely narrow them down. Due to my interest in human behavior, I plan to concentrate in psychology, especially the social and personality classification, and in economics, especially behavioral economics. In addition, the Cornell College of Arts and Sciences represents to me all I find important: establishing a foundation for knowledge and creativity, cultivating an interest in current issues surrounding our world, and providing a stimulating education in what truly interests me.
I also know that Cornell could provide me with some beautiful story portraits.</p>

<p>JustJerry,
Please refrain from posting your essays on a forum like this. You may want to accumulate some more posts and PM a student already at Cornell to read your essay. People can plagiarize your essays</p>

<p>You need to edit this some more. If you are having difficulties, ask an adult to go over it with you. I’d be happy to help as well, just send me a PM if interested- like learninginprog said, there is a very real danger people will plagiarize. </p>

<p>The ideas are there- I love the intro and the focus on your People of Pittsburgh project (definitely an unique interest), but the information about Kiwanis club seems a little out of place. Maybe you just need more information on how that supplements your interests in human behavior and less summarizing what exactly the club does. Also, your paragraph on why you want to attend Cornell is a bit small, and you may want to include more information about some classes you took that made you interested in your proposed majors. To sum it up- the essay is good idea-wise, but needs more balance.</p>

<p>um, if this is your supplement for 2013-2014, you did the wrong question…that’s last year’s (for the now graduated class of 2013)</p>

<p>Remove this post! You’re very naive - show it to people who really care about your college prospects like your college counselor, your parents, a friend, an English teacher…NOT HERE!!!</p>