Read my SAT essay, plz!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Blue Book Test #7 prompt.</p>

<p>Online scoring gave me a 12! :)</p>

<p>PROMPT: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us disvcover who we are?</p>

<p>Adversity helps us discover who we are by presenting us with opportunities that allow us to learn and grow. During the Civil War in the United States, Americans faced a very difficult time, but discovered their calling to freedom and equality. In literature, Janie in Hurston’s “Their Eyes were Watching God,” learned her position in life only after going through years of hardships with her marriage. Adversity also helps composer, such as Rachmaninoff, discover their style of composition and expression.</p>

<p>The Civil War was a time of great conflict between Americans. From the Constitutional Convention through the Monroe Administration, America was going through easy times. As slavery became a greater issue, Americans began questioning the fundamentals of American democracy. Debates between great leaders, such as Lincoln and Senator Douglas incited many opinions among Americans. Civil War eventually broke out among this strife. Lincoln issued the Proclamation and freed the slaves. After the Civil War, slaves were freed, and Americans could recognize all people as free. Through adversity of the Civil War, Americans learned and reformed their government.</p>

<p>Another example of discovery through adversity can be seen in the great Russian composer and pianist, Sergei Rachmaninoff. Rachmaninoff’s first piano concerto was a miserable failure among audiences and critics. After this event, he fell into a depression and disappeared from the public. People thought he was unoriginal and untalented, but in this criticism and depression, he developed his musical style and discovered his purpose in music. With the second piano concerto, he became internationally acclaimed and went on to become one of the most influential composers to come out of Russia.</p>

<p>In literature Hurston’s character, Janie, from “Their Eyes were Watching God,” discovers her true meaning in life after a difficult marriage. Janie runs off with Joe Starks to help him build up the town of Eatonville. Though Joe gave her a big house and many presents, he was controlling and abusive. She was beat and restricted, as if she were a dog. Through the abuse, she learned that she needs love, and left Joe for Teacake, who taught her about herself and her life.</p>

<p>In history, art, and literature, people and nations who have faced adversity become different people.</p>

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<p>I’d give that an 11, only cause of the 3-part thesis. I thought it was recommended not to do that in the SAT essay. But overall, excellent</p>

3

<p>Thanks for the reply! </p>

<p>The Spark Notes “Beating the Essay” said the thesis should be at the beginning of the first paragraph. So I put “Adversity helps us discover who we are by presenting us with opportunities that allow us to learn and grow,” at the begninning, to use as a thesis. Maybe that wasn’t clear enough?</p>

<p>And BTW, this was my first essay practice, so hopefully I can improve!</p>

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<p>Any other scorers for my essay?</p>

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<p>“The Spark Notes “Beating the Essay” said the thesis should be at the beginning of the first paragraph”</p>

<p>I usually put something profound in the beginning, and I put my thesis at the end of the first, introductionary paragraph.</p>

<p>I’ve gotten two 12s.</p>

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<p>That sounds like a good idea. What would be a good “profound” statement and thesis for this prompt?</p>

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<p>Anyone else?</p>

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<p>Why are you asking, you got a 12. I got a 12 but I am not parading around the message board with my essay acting like it is a piece of gold because honestly no SAT essay will be.</p>

<p>First off your order in the introduction is different than your order in the paper. I personally don’t care, but it looks kindof disorganized.</p>

<p>Your points on the civil war are rather repetitive and probably could be said in two sentences. You also do not address what actually happened to the American government after the war, which you say changed so drastically. The abolishment of slavery was not a change in the style of government, just the qualifications for just representation. If you want to talk about “How the American Government really changed after the abolishment of slavery” then break out your textbook and research the reconstruction era.</p>

<p>And do you honestly believe that America discovered their ‘true fundamental democratic values’ during the civil war!?</p>

<p>I also find myself questioning how true your assertion is that America did not change between 1791 and 1861, or that there was no conflict. Political parties crashed, new ones rose up. Tell me that the debate over whether or not to build the national bank was ‘easy’ and there was no conflict over that. That set standards that are still seen to this day (strict vs. loose construction). There is a huge gap between Monroe and Lincoln (FYI), and you make it seem in your essay like Lincoln came right after Monroe. Your point may be enhanced if you argued that this was a major conflict that resulted in rapid change. As it stands, your essay seems like you are saying America just rolled over and died for 70 years between the Bill of Rights and the Civil War.</p>

<p>In your second paragraph, the sentence that starts with “People thought” is poorly worded and long. Point is good; however, I do question the relationship with the other two.</p>

<p>The whole point of Their Eyes Were Watching God was the struggle within the black community and blacks degrading one another. You could have incorporated Janie’s struggle within the community as a whole and her differing actions when she is younger vs. when she is older. I think boiling it down to just her relationships with Joe Starks and Teacake take away from Zora Neale Hurston’s big picture message when one does not know the rest of the novel. To each their own, however, as you make a good point.</p>

<p>Overall, I’d give it a 10-11. With such little space and such a short amount of time, you did pretty well.</p>

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<p>no offense, but i wouldnt give it a 10+. it is too much summary and too little analysis. focus on one or two examples, not more than that</p>

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<p>My advice- write out against the Iraq war. Auto 12</p>

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<p>I agree with kidfromohio. Basically, so long as your points are morally correct, you will get a pretty good score. Naturally, the Collegeboard doesn’t to give students who ramble about murder and the positive outcome of suicide a score of 12.</p>

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<p>Ohiokid, your points about the American history are all correct, but also subjective. I wouldn’t diasgree with anything you said though. The SAT essay is obviously not a thesis paper on American history though, so I decided to put those “easy times” in there just to refer to the prompt.</p>

<p>BTW, I didn’t say I got a 12 on the essay, only the online scorer gave me a 12.</p>

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<p>I would not trust the online scorers. I actually bluffed one essay and wrote 111111111 throughout the whole essay just to see what would happen…</p>

<p>got a 12!</p>

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<p>IhDCpage, honestly, I seriously think you should just take a liberal stance on something. It seems like the graders like it, because that is what I wrote on and I feel they graded generously.</p>

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<p>10ish maybe?</p>