Read my transfer essay?

<p>I’m applying as a transfer to a couple schools and I just want to get some unbiased opinions on my transfer essay (~430 words). Topic is on my major (engineering). Comments welcome!!! Thanks :D</p>

<p>My first exposures to the very idea of nanoscience was the concept that data itself could be stored on a single atom. As a sixteen year old homeschooler (or unschooler, I suspect), I had already developed an interest in and quantum and molecular topics. I knew for some time that I wanted to be a part of a field that, for me, didn’t have a name - at least not yet. It was a field that combined quantum mechanics, biotechnology, physics, computer science, and even more. Nanotechnology pulled all of these topics together into a unified field that applied to all of my interests – without bound.</p>

<p>Recreational mathematics was my unconventional favorite subject for senior year of high school. While most of the engineering-bent crowd was busy playing with integrals, I spent my weekends reading everything from hypercubes to game theory. I started seeing a whole new side of science opening up as I became more interested in less common topics like fractals and nanodots. My approach to problems took on a whole new dimension as I broke away from the idea of forcing them into solutions. Ironically, the topics I had covered had prepared me far more for the unusual critical thinking than I expected. Instead of memorizing formulas, I was learning how to solve problems analytically. </p>

<p>Engineering was pretty much set for me at this point (more like an undying passion to put it unprofessionally), and every little think I learned made me want to know so much more. Whether the result of my newly developed problem solving skills or the cause of them, a sort of entrepreneurial ambition emerged full-fledged about this time. The projects I developed varied between well designed ideas and successful applications. I branched out from science, ranging across a variety of fields in language, kids education, web development, and others. By now I started realizing that by combining this kind of ambition with engineering, and nanoscience in particular, I could actually work on the problems I wanted to solve most of all; breakthrough technologies. </p>

<p>My experience with engineering in college has left me with increasing interest, and the close teamwork environment of community college provided a foundation that I wouldn’t trade for anything. My main goal is to use the skills I develop in entrepreneurship and the knowledge I gain from engineering to contribute towards the positive impact that nanotechnology will have on so many disciplines. The properties of materials at such a small scale are so unique, it’s as if science itself is being rediscovered; and I’d like to be right there while it’s happening.</p>

<p>And I realize “exposure” has an extra “s”, that was a typo :P</p>

<p>bump? even just a “sure its passable” would be nice :D</p>

<p>It would help to know why you need to transfer. In other words, what the new school offers that your present school doesn’t. Or is this a move from community college?</p>

<p>sorry, community college transfer.</p>

<p>You are showing good enthusiasm. I would have another person or two proofread it to catch any “think” vs. “thing” typos.
From what I understand, engineering programs are very numbers driven in the people they admit and will be most interested in solid proof of your abilities over anything else. They might be interested in math SATs even if old. Recs detailing your grasp of math and science would be helpful. They may not know how to interpret what an “A” in a particular JC course really indicates without them.</p>