<p>Your essay is very audacious and certainly unique. However, you are running a huge risk because the admissions committee may not detect your sarcastic tone.</p>
<p>I BOW TO YOU. You are a GOD of comedy. I’ve read plenty of college essays trying to be funny and they all failed spectacularly to even raise a twitch of a smile. I was in hysterics over this.</p>
<p>Keep us posted on whether they admit you (assuming you submitted them). My first instinct is to say they won’t, but the glory of this is that an AdCom reads it, goes ‘are they freaking kidding me?’ and then realises ‘OMG they are!’ and realises:</p>
<p>1) You mean the exact opposite to what you are saying, so you’re actually pretty normal and likable, and would add something to the campus environment, which they’re looking for at such a selective level.</p>
<p>2) You obviously have a huge talent for observation and writing. The thing is, I feel if you’d listed yourself NOT as an Econ major but as English or something, they’d let you in…</p>
<p>Whether they accept or reject you, I really feel this is gonna be framed in their admissions office. Absolute gold.</p>
<p>If you get in, Columbia>>Harvard for me.</p>
<p>@Saugus</p>
<p>Thanks man. I did something similar for Yale. Good to know I’m not alone :)</p>
<p>And I thought I was brave for daring Harvard to admit me…you’re my new hero.</p>
<p>I love this. Although you may or may not be in with these. You have to tell us how it turns out, and please post it to this thread.</p>
<p>I love them! You have to let us know if you get accepted. They’ll definitely set you apart, hopefully in a good way.</p>
<p>Oh man… if you actually submitted these, I have soooooooooo much respect for you. It’s rare that I find a satire THAT obvious to be funny, but those were brilliant haha. I honestly hope you get admitted, just so you can spend the rest of your high school career/adult life bragging about how you trolled your way into Columbia. Best post I’ve seen on CC in a while.</p>
<p>How much adrenaline was going through your body when you hit ‘submit’?</p>
<p>Entertaining, but I can’t imagine it will work. Would like to hear the results, though…</p>
<p>very candid…ivy league schools do clean my sense of insecurity…</p>
<p>Keep in mind that usually there are 3 pairs of eyes on each set of essays. I’m sure between the 3 they’ll more than spot your sarcasm. Whether they all argee it wasn’t “trying too hard to be clever,” is the real question. I’m sure among the 32k applications recieved this year(not to mention the 100s of thousands the adcoms have read over the years) that your stylings are not singular or unique and therein lies the actual risk. </p>
<p>I’m not sure if I read whether or not you posted your intended majors/minor, but if they’re anything other than Journalism/Poli Sci/Creative writing/Sociology your essays might have an upward battle . . . </p>
<p>. . . you took a shot and that’s commendable but slanting all 4 essays the same way may come off as one-dimentional. Remember, the essays are the only window into the person behind the numbers/resume’ and the lack of other “angles,” as to who you are will count against you. Good luck!</p>
<p>^ Very good observation. However, I would love to see how this plays out on 29th March 2012m assuming that the OP is still on CC.</p>
<p>As an individual who does not select undergraduates, but does select doctoral students, I would say I agree with the individual who suggested balance. Some funny, some more serious. I love Stephen Colbert and his feigned right wing extremism, but in late night doses only. My son did an essay for Harvard in an amusing tone–but only for the first paragraph–and then he got serious and wrote from the heart. That would be my preference from an admissions standpoint if one were to use humor at all. That said, who on God’s Green Earth knows what exactly is best? Because the university uses holistic evaluation methods, you really will NOT EVER know why you were admitted or rejected. It could have been your test scores. Your teachers’ evaluations. Anything. I do wish you the best and appreciate your taking the massive risk to share with us your work. You have a great deal of courage, coupled with vulnerability, and those can be very good things. ;)</p>
<p>I just hope the common app essay is a little more serious. I don’t think I could grasp who you REALLY are from these short answers. hahah</p>
<p>You know that one person who gets into Columbia because of his essays - whether passionate, stupid, pointless, philosophical or just creative. This person is going to be you - Saugus. </p>
<p>The previous posters said it is good to have balance. I would think Saugus’ Common App essay is probably serious since he most likely did it before his supplements. But even if it wasn’t I still think he is still going to get in. If I was an adcom reading thousands of essays, I would be relieved if I found this rather than reading about a person who wants to study astronomy because of watching NOVA, or literature because of reading a book in the first grade. It’s like doing math homework for 10 hours and then finding that art homework where you have to draw a circle; it’s a break.</p>
<p>I would bet the rest of my college decisions that Saugus is getting in.</p>
<p>hilarioussssssss</p>
<p>Maybe you should skip college and go write for Jon Stewart.</p>
<p>If you seriously submitted those essays, I will go far enough to say that you are more courageous than Chuck Norris!</p>
<p>I am a bit worried about your essays…but would be interested in finding out your result.</p>
<p>Personally, I did not get the satirical humor nor did I find it funny or amusing. In my opinion, it was pretty offensive and a little over done. But who cares? That’s just me…I’m not an admissions officer…but I do see what you were trying to do there.</p>
<p>However, while the satire was a good technique, I do believe in balance. Because even within the most outrageously funny or sarcastic essays…there comes a point where the admissions officer attempts to look in between the lines, if you will, and piece together some resemblance of who or what the person actually stands for. I could not do that with any of your short answers. It was a risky choice…only time will tell if it was the right one. Either way… you do have heart for having the courage to take a chance anyway! That in itself could speak volumes about your character 
</p>
<ul>
<li>Just got into Columbia ED</li>
</ul>
<p>Hahaha. Enjoyed reading your essays! But really man, did you submit those?</p>