Really crushing on this family friend...? WHIR 100%

College Life
1

Hi guys. I wasn’t sure where I should post this but I figured this would be as good a spot as any. If not, could a mod please move this to a more appropriate section? Hopefully you guys can help!

I’m 20 and she’s 18. I’ve known her for the better part of 10 years, but I don’t know her as anything more than a family friend. I haven’t talked to her (or seen her) in about a year, but I’m not really sure why not… I kind of get shy whenever I think of texting her so I just don’t end up doing it.

Our social circles and lives don’t really cross- with the exception of being family friends and going to the same high school (although we are a few years apart, so even then we didn’t cross too much). Now in college, we go to different schools. We are about 2 hours away from eachother.

I’ve hung out with her a few times, but have never mentioned anything about me liking her. However, I’m sure she has an idea that I’ve been crushing on her just by the way I act in general around people I like (like mr nice guy).

We’ve texted a ton before (kind of a lot, actually), but she seems uninterested with me over text, which is completely opposite to how she seems in person. I tend to over think things (maybe I’m doing that here), but thats why I feel shy about texting her, which leads to us not talking or seeing eachother, which makes everything more awkward down the line.

I’d love to ask her out, but it seems like my problem just gets compounded… I don’t see her unless our families do something together, so to talk to her, I need to text her. I can’t ask her to meet in person to ask her out without first asking her over text, so it just feels like a big, never ending circle!

What do you think?! Thanks in advance!

If you have a thread you would like some 2 cents on, just leave the link and I will get back to you!

2

CALL her. Don’t text, call. You have her phone number, so call.

You don’t have to propose, just ask her if she would like to join you for diner.

3

That thing you text on - you can call on it too. Did you not know that?

4

Well, 100 years ago, it would be so easy as your families would have betrothed you to each other :slight_smile:

From a match perspective, having much in common and knowing someone this long is a positive. There are many couples that have started in this situation.

Just because you have not seen her in a year might make this feel awkward to you, but this is what old friends do- call each other up out of the blue and do something. So it is OK.

I would however, caution you about taking this to the romantic level too soon. She may genuinely like you and care about you- while thinking of you as a brother. This doesn’t mean she can’t think of you romantically- she may have a crush on you too- but I would take this in steps rather than suddenly change the situation.

As children, the friendship was arranged through your parents. You saw each other when the parents arranged it. Now, neither of you are children and the two of you can decide to be friends on your own. Call her up, ask her if she wants to get together. See where this goes.

5

Eh who makes phone calls in this day and age. Arrange some sort of get-together with highschool friends (or find one that’s going on) and invite her along. Having other friends around keeps it casual and low-pressure.

6

I noticed that you said she comes across totally different in text than face to face. Other than the obvious brevity that texting provides, there may be a couple of reasons that is the case: (1) she likes you and gets nervous texting you just like you do with her, so her texts come off as curt, or (2) she isn’t really interested in you and is just being nice at get-togethers. The only way to find out which is actually speak to her (call, video call, etc). And by the way, having other friends around does not necessarily lower the pressure.

7

Do NOT call her. This isn’t the 70s.

8

Yeah, as someone of the age, calling is NOT an option. CC def isn’t the place for this.

Try asking her to something fun and casual and just hang out. Not an official date. And play that by ear. So for example, if there’s a beach around, try that and just say you want to have a beach day and your other friends aren’t available. Replace beach with other local options.

9

If you call her, it’s going to feel like too big of a deal, ya know? (that’s how crazy its all gotten in 2015).

This is a bit deceptive…but you’re 2 hours apart, yes? Could you text her and say, “Hey, i’m going to be in town this Thursday because I have to yada-yada (make up something but make it sound convincing)…want to get together for coffee or whatever while i’m there?” And then see what she writes back…