<p>I’m a recent college grad who has moved back home for health reasons. I’m undergoing major surgeries throughout the year and will be on bed rest for about 9 months. Since I won’t be able to have a job (or much less leave my bed!) I will not be paying rent. </p>
<p>I really appreciate and respect my parents for the support they’ve given me, and I know they will have to give up a lot to take care of me now. I essentially feel like a child again, but a burdensome child since they’ve already did their 18 years raising me! </p>
<p>I’m looking for suggestions of how to show my appreciation for my parents. I won’t be able to do chores around the house or anything like that, so if anyone has ideas of nice things I can do for my parents, please let me know! Thank you.</p>
<p>That is awesome that you are thinking about this. </p>
<p>My answer is going to sound sort of cheesy but basically it depends on what your parents love languages are. There is an author named Gary chapman who wrote a book on it…with the idea being that every person has a primary preference/understanding/relates to one of five types of expressions of love: some like gifts, some like quality time spent together (doing puzzles or cards or whatever), words of affirmation (You are the best cook!), doing helpful deeds (man I feel loved when my dad gets up early to make sure the ice my car is scraped off so I don’t have to at 6am before school). </p>
<p>The idea is most people like all of those but some resonate better. True of significant others, friends and parents. If you know what appeals to a person best then you can gear your response that way. (albiet you will be somewhat limited given being in bed) THINK about what you have done in the past that they repeat to their friends or remark upon over and over. “Gosh, I still love that mug you made me with those pictures from the beach and use it everyday at work.” Etc.</p>
<p>Keep your sense of humor. Use some of the time you will likely be spending online to surf for interesting/funny items you can email them for their reading pleasure (my H emails me bits often- I read them on my time). Figure out how to streamline your requests for help from them and remember those please and thank you’s. There will be many times you will not feel up to doing anything as you recover from the immediate effects of surgery. Try not to get depressed/frustrated by what you can’t do.</p>
<p>Parenting does not end when a child becomes an adult or of legal age. I’m sure your parents may have some guilt feelings for your health issues. It may not seem logical to you but they may feel responsible for you not having perfect health, whether it is from genes or environment. You can’t be expected to be cheerful all of the time but not being a psychological burden by your attitude makes it a lot easier for your parents to deal with your needs.</p>
<p>No one can ever really pay back their parents so you have to think in terms of paying forward to the next generation in decades to come. My mom died before I finished my residency and finally would have had enough money to give her the things she never had because of us kids. Life isn’t fair.</p>
<p>Friends of mine shared with H and me a letter one of their adult (fairkly recent college grad) kids (whom we knew from babyhood) had written to them last Thanksgiving weekend. This letter was several pages in length, and expressed appreciation for all her parents had done for her. Lots of specifics and included the comment that her friends had even envied this young woman the parents she had.</p>
<p>Let me tell you that letter brought tears to all our eyes. It was such a sincere, well-written expression of love and appreciation. The parents treasure it.</p>
<p>So IMO no other gift could be as priceless to a parent as such an expression.</p>
<p>Another idea would be to organize family photos and perhaps do an online photo book for your parents, if you would be up to it.</p>
<p>Not immediately after surgeries, but once you are feeling strong enough to share some chat time during the day, remember to ask them about what happened in their day. They won’t be expecting you to ask about them at all. So a simple inquiry like, “was it crowded at the grocery store? How was your commute today - traffic any better?” etc. is extra surprising and nice. </p>
<p>If you have a TV or Netflix in your room, invite them to choose a movie they really like, then watch it together. Listening to some of “their” music together on radio, Spotify or Youtube is another way all can relax and appreciate your recovering health. But if they are busy some nights with their own work, try to be understanding and have things you can do solo, too.</p>