A H here (also the main cook in the household so my views are a bit skewed). I would definitely at least go for replacing the appliances. If you are ever going to move then they will have to be replaced anyway and they would be far more useful to you now than they will be when you move whether next year or in 20. If you do remodel consider a range with an overhead microwave/vent over the range. The vent won’t work as well as a dedicated vent but in an 10x11 kitchen counter space is at a premium so that would free up 36" or so.
I really did not want to wade into this…
@sylvan8798 you have posted in the past about your H and his relationship to money and to you. This seems to be about control on his part. And his not valuing what you do and/or making things easier for you.
This is how he is and how he values you. Only you can decide what your tolerance is and what you can put up with. I know that in long term marriages, there are “quirks” that we accept/put up with. Again and again (and I am sure what you have posted here is only the tip of the iceberg) your H has made it know that what you do and what you want are not a high priority to him.
This is way more about other issues than a broken kitchen. But if fixing broken appliances, sprucing up the kitchen is important to you, you need to really let him know that. I’m not sure if you have really impressed to him, how much having a broken kitchen affects you. That having broken appliances is not acceptable.
I have a friend who has a oven that doesn’t work. They’ve had it repaired several times but the wife feels it’s not repaired to her satisfaction. Her H thinks that it only doesn’t work intermittently and they have granite countertops that would have to be reconfigured to accommodate a new oven. It’s a standstill. She went out and bought a toaster oven finally and made thanksgiving in the toaster oven. They are both being stubborn. They may never replace the oven.
A friend bought all his brand-new stainless steel GE appliances off Craig’s List, from people who bought houses with updates but wanted fancier brands. It is possible to reduce the costs of appliances, but the will has to be there.
I agree with deb922. I hope I don’t go ballistic this time. I can’t watch so much helplessness. OP, no one can deny you something so basic. Unless you take action and regain some sense of control even if it means rejection, nothing will change. This time it’s kitchen but there will be other things.
Yes, I’m sure that’s part of the problem. Once you start looking at the new stuff, the old stuff looks shabbier than ever.
People are right though, it’s part of a bigger and longer term pattern. And it’s happened before on smaller scales. We had an old couch in our family room that was worn through the fabric in places. The dogs were allowed on the couch and one day they decided to de-stuff the cushions. So the whole thing was kind of a mess and had to be kept covered with blankets, while missing various of the stuffings. It wasn’t a good time to spend on a decent couch, and I was willing to get something used. I even found one at a garage sale that wasn’t beautiful, but it was an Ethan Allen and in great shape. H and D ganged up to nix it.
Another 6 months went by and we went out one day to shop for one. H couldn’t find anything he liked and decided he hated furniture shopping. Another 6 months went by and one day I looked at the couch and decided I could probably reupholster it, even though I’ve never done more than a cushion. I tore it apart, bought fabric and new cushions and made it over. Now we have a reupholstered couch that isn’t perfect but at least it can be used. H was miffed when I bought a gorgeous coffee table and end table from Craigslist to replace the hand-me-down table from the 50’s, without his seeing them, but he also refuses to shop for new ones.
If I accept that I’m not getting a new kitchen, I can probably wrangle a new oven/microwave and stovetop. I could also do some staining and polyurethane on the cabinet trim and maybe some new accents. The wallpaper is in good shape, so I don’t think I can go through the mess of trying to get it off, even though it’s rather dated now.
Do it!! Do it all!!!
Start with getting appliances…and painting the walls. You need working appliances. Period.
Once that is done…look at the rest of the kitchen. Then head down to Home Depot, and look at refacing possibilities. They can do it without removing or changing the current cabinet design. New veneer around the cabinet fronts…and new drawer and door fronts.
What’s on your floor? If you don’t like it…get some nice area rugs to cover it all.
^Some adhesive vinyl tile flooring (or backsplash, maybe) could also be a cheap way to make an older kitchen feel fresh without doing a full renovation.
A friend put sheet vinyl in her laundry room and half bath (which is off the laundry) and it looks great. I used the peel and stick vinyl tiles in my laundry room/mud room and people have mistaken it for real tile. Mine looks like travertine and shows no dirt. It was about $100 to tile it. We put it right on top of the 50 yr old linoleum. It’s been about 10 years and still looks new.
That reminds me of my father in law’s situation. Super weird wall oven and counter stove that half worked but he would never replace because they were vary expensive or impossible to find that kind anymore etc. We kept offering solutions but he would never agree. In the end because he wanted the family to visit for the holidays he called a carpenter who told him how to minimally change the current set up so he can buy new appliances that are not exactly how the old once were. He ended up not spending as much (way less than 3K) and everything works and I have to say the patch work was not bad at all. FIL very happy and regretting not having it done earlier…
I have a very old but historically beautiful house and absolutely no money to remodel the kitchen in a way that does justice to the house. I put a new sink and faucet and bought new appliances. Makes all the difference. I have to wait until I move to my retirement home to “maybe” get my modern kitchen but I made peace with it.
Here’s the part of the OP that stands out to me: " wondering how I can come to terms with the fact that it’s not important to H so it’s just not likely to happen."
Is the ONLY barometer what’s important to HIM? Is there no point in your relationship where what’s important to YOU matters?
As so many others have said, this isn’t about a kitchen and it’s not about money. It’s about you being an equal partner in this relationship.
Some partnerships aren’t equal. The OP’s marriage isn’t, and neither is mine.
It may be true that with the particular dynamics of this relationship, things don’t get done unless the husband wants them done.
But having to live with appliances that don’t work properly (or at all) is extremely frustrating.
OP, could you recast the situation this way? Point out to your husband that it’s very difficult to cook without a functioning microwave and with only three burners. Give him the choice of whether you just replace the broken appliances or re-do the entire kitchen (something you’ve evidently discussed before).
I think that even a very dominant and controlling spouse (like mine) would find it hard to say, “No to both. You’re just going to have to live with the broken appliances.”
In my own household, it has taken years of arguments to convince my husband that we should replace things that are simply worn-out and awful-looking but still functional. (a cracked driveway with weeds growing in the cracks, toilets with the finish completely gone inside the bowl). However, when something is actually broken (like our microwave a few years ago and our washing machine a few years before that), he has never said no to replacing it.
For years I used a countertop microwave. When I redid kitchen a few years ago, the carpenter happily took that with him. It cost $100 and was still going strong after 16 years.
I lived with my ugly kitchen for 16 years. Then the d//w broke and ruined all the cabinets on one wall. I was sorry I replaced the broken stove with another that fit the space just months before. My new appliances are better quality. Instead of mustard colored mica countertops, I now have quartzite. Bosch d/w with 3 shelves, a GE monogram fridge, that looks built in. I got $ from insurance company. Sounds awful, but I wish something you too had major water damage.
My g/f kept her wood cabinets, but had them painted an apple green. She has a small kitchen, and it looks pretty.
A friend has your cabinets with the wood trim. She had them painted white inside and out and added nickel knobs. They look nice for minimal expense and minimal down time.
@sylvan8798 My husband is much like yours, but not quite so rigid. We have an older home that needs updating and he doesn’t see the need to spend money on the house when we plan to move in a couple of years after our youngest graduates from HS - we live in a very high cost area, so we want to live someplace less expensive. We actually sold a home five years ago right after I had installed some new IKEA cabinets ($4,000) to replace the original gross 40 year old cabinets. Guess what? The first thing the new owners did was rip out $4K worth of brand new cabinets and throw them out onto the carport in a big heap (OK, they were glossy red, but I love color and I thought they looked great). So after that experience I can understand why he doesn’t want to spend money on things a new owner might not like. I figure when we move, we’ll just reduce the price of the house a bit so the new owners can remodel as they see fit.
But, I just got tired of our drab kitchen in our current house. The cabinets were not gross like the last house, but they were old oak brown cabinets that just made our kitchen look bleh. So I decided to do a budget remodel. If you look at my avatar, that’s my kitchen after my eighteen year old daughter and I painted over the brown cabinets in a white and dusky aqua color scheme. We’ve had the barstools for 20 years. You can see that we have two microwaves, because our’s broke too - but we can’t function without one, so we went to Target and got the small one sitting on the counter. We’ll probably replace the big one when we move, but for now, this arrangement works for us. I had a guy come do the simple backsplash, but I installed the wooden trim around it. I got some pretty cloisonne knobs from E-bay several years ago and took them with me when we sold our prior prior house - and I think they add a pretty touch to the color scheme (they are a red floral pattern). I think the end result looks great - I like it a lot, and if the new owners hate it, then they can remodel to their tastes. We did this all for under $600. It took about a week of work.
I think you deserve to at the very least get a new microwave and the support to do an inexpensive makeover like this - a few simple things that would make you happy. What makes me happy is seeing all that color in the formerly drab brown room.
I hope your husband will respect your need for a reasonably priced updated kitchen with a working microwave. My husband didn’t want to spend the money on ours either, but I have my own bank account with my own money (my savings are supposed to be for college costs), but hey, it’s my money and my kid can work for a couple of months for that $600 if she really needs it. I could have, in the worst case scenario, had a couple of garage sales or something to get that $600.
Anyway, I just wanted to show you what a few hundred dollars could accomplish - I wish I could show you the “before” pics so you could see the contrast between the old and sort of new.
Good luck - I’ll be sending good thoughts your way.
^@LeastComplicated - your kitchen looks like a magazine! You could totally make a living at that.
I went to the appliance store today (obscene btw) and got specs for a new microwave/oven and basic cooktop. Probably closer to $4K - the combo units are unbelievably expensive. I told H I wanted them and he said it was fine, since we don’t have plans, but he can probably get a better price with his usual appliance guy for the apartments. I’m going to push, and start working on whatever I can do with the cabinets for as little more $$ as possible.
It’s not ideal, but it’s something, and I can live with that.
They had a $400 toaster:
http://www.consumerreports.org/products/toaster/kitchenaid-pro-line-kmt4203-220311/user-reviews/
Who pays $400 for a toaster? I got our last toaster oven at a garage sale for $5. And it does more.
@sylvan8798 Thank you! I think it turned out nicely - I wish I could post a bigger picture to show the bright colors in the backsplash tile.
Wow! $4K for combo unit? That’s nuts! I’m no appliance expert, but I’d bet you could find one for a more reasonable price if you looked around a bit. But that is great the he is onboard with buying the stuff you need!
And a $400 toaster? Double nuts! We are pretty low tech ourselves - we have never owned an electric can opener in our nearly 28 years of marriage! And our dinnerware and pots and pans look like a mixed bag of stuff that we bought at a garage sale, but sadly no, it’s just a bunch of stuff we’ve bought over time and nothing matches anymore, but I don’t sweat over stuff that’s not looking me in the face every day when I walk into the room. I definitely do not have open cabinets - I need to hide things behind closed doors, lol.
So glad that things are looking positive for you! Keep us updated!
@sylvan8798: That is good news indeed.
^The $4K would be for both the combo unit and the cooktop, installed, but maybe H can get a better price with his guy. And those are for modest ones. The flashy cooktop was more like $1500, and they had combos as high as $7K. As I said, it was obscene.
We had a combo stove with double oven, one up and one down. We replaced it with a regular stove and over the range microwave hood. Much less pricey than $4K and likely more appealing to a new buyer. We converted to a gas stove so there was also a cost to bring the gas line to the kitchen and add an outlet for the micro/hood and build a cabinet above.
After 15 years in our house, we finally redid the kitchen which was not very functional. I grew up in a house in which spending money was just not done, and had to drag my husband to the kitchen place but then he got on board. We both love the new layout, the cabinets with draws, the pantry cupboard and the fact that we can both work in the kitchen at the same time without running into each other. Not sure when we are going to move, but hope we get some ROI. Of course by then it will not be a “new” kitchen, but we will have enjoyed it.
If you live in an area where the upgrade would not add to the value of the house, it may be hard to justify the expense of re-doing the kitchen, especially if money is tight. But I might think about going to open houses and really look at the value of homes with original vs updated kitchens. If it will add value, perhaps your husband would be more willing to spend the money.