One of the more remarkable things I notice about him reliability. If he says he is going to do something he does. Its uncanny. He was such a challenge, always lying, cheating and stealing money from his siblings, the list goes on. He has more than made amends to everyone and will actually graduate with his MSW in May. He will work at the rehab he was at as a family therapist. So grateful.
Not surprised to hear that about your son. The basic tenets of the program is based on complete honesty with yourself and others. Hard not be trustworthy and reliable with that as your core process.
My best friend in the program just graduated from BU with MSW and already has a great job. Six years ago he was a college drop out with a record. He’s married to a beautiful woman from east Asia with a PhD and has a six month old. He just turned 30 today. And is relentless in his pursuit to be helpful to others. Nice kid to be around.
When you commit yourself to sobriety and work the program, anything is possible. I love to hear success stories!
A relative had a rough time for awhile—alcohol & drugs. I believe he’s mostly turned around and is living a happier life now. His dad is very relieved.
Congrats @privatebanker!
My dad has been a lifelong alcoholic. He’s now in his 80s, and will never change. He’s an angry, mean, unpredictable drunk. Thinks he was father of the year too. Spent my childhood trying to hide from him.
That’s so sad to hear for you and for him to have missed the chance at freedom.
If you can find it in yourself to see him a bit as a sick and sad person perhaps it will make you feel better.
Your story is an example of why I have become an advocate for these matters.
The effects on the on the family and wives and employers are each so important, there is a separate chapter for each of the “big book” as they call it. And it’s not big at all only 164 pages, it’s more that it’s big for the world.
Also” al anon” is there for you. It’s not for the alcoholic.
You might get angry at them suggesting a spiritual path to lessening your hurt and anger.
But it works.
And ultimately it’s not a program absolving people, it’s a program of truth.
Which includes the facts as you described. It just sucks to feel pissed and let down all the time.
Have a great day.
Overeaters Anonymous is saving my life! Sixteen months abstinent and down 69 lbs.
@Bestfriendsgirl That’s awesome. So happy you are doing so well.
Best friends girl, could you elaborate on what you are learning/receiving from OA please? Do you go to in person meetings or on line? Good is my issue too. Thx
Food not good. Oops
@Bestfriendsgirl Your presence is requested 
@busyparent Its the same process,as I outlined above in a few posts. Only the substances involved are different.
I don’t believe that hitting rock bottom gets people on the road to recovery, or that every addict must hit rock bottom. One of my brothers has hit bottom multiple times (job loss, homelessness, bankruptcy, wrecked relationships), and been through more recovery programs than I can even remember, including Delancey Street in San Francisco, which lasted three years and has a high success rate, but he still uses. And now, at age 50, he is having health issues related to his decades of drug and alcohol use.
I attend two, sometimes three face-to-face meetings a week - all that’s available in my area - and sometimes on-line meetings. I was “scared” abstinent - I had a blood sugar reading of 300 and realized that I really am powerless over food and my life really is unmanageable. It was the “unmanageable” part that always gave me pause before. I thought since I fulfilled my obligations, my life was manageable.
What I get from OA is guidance, acceptance and the feeling that I am not alone. I get a sense that there is a truly loving Higher Power, whom I call God, who is active in my life. Getting a sponsor,working the Steps and using the Tools (more on this at the website) makes all the difference IMHO. There’s a lot of accountability (not judgment) and I find that helpful in maintaining abstinence. It is working a miracle in my life one day at a time. Like @privatebanker said, it works if you work it.
@Massmomm - rock bottom is different for every addict. That 300 blood sugar reading was it for me, along with the realization that I didn’t want to be that grandmother who couldn’t do anything with her grandchildren due to ill health … or have to retire before I was financially ready for medical reasons … or be like many people who work in my building coming in dragging oxygen tanks, on walkers, scooters, etc. My husband is 8.5 years older than I am. He’s going to need my help someday and if I don’t stay healthy it won’t happen.
My father is a recovering alcoholic- hasn’t had a drink in 33 years. He went to rehab for a month when I was in middle school. He dabbled in drugs, but alcohol was his true demon.
I stopped drinking alcohol about 8 months ago. Like someone else said on here I was waiting for 5 o’clock to roll around to have a drink. I’ve always been a social drinker, but after going through cancer treatment for about a year, I felt myself leaning on alcohol to deal with my fear, fatigue etc. I’m very embarrassed to admit it but at a summer party I drank too much and got weepy in front of my kids. One of them asked me about it and that was when I decided no more. Unlike my father, it was easy for me.
Addiction is a horrible and non discriminating disease. People need to realize it can touch any family and we need to be more compassionate .
@Massmomm You are 100 percent correct
But more to the point. Rock bottom is different for everyone. For most it is an emotional sick and tired of being sick and tired
Most assume the outside issues indicate a rock bottom or a problem in general.
Jail institutions job loss DUIs etc.
All of those things can occur to the non alcoholic in equal numbers.
That’s not the common bond.
In fact, for many their life on the outside seemingly looks perfect or more — until it doesn’t.
Robin Williams Anthony Bourdain Prince, Philip Seymour Hoffman to name But a few.
Countless “Stars” and seemingly having the world by the tail. The underlying dis-“ease” with life is not counter acted by outside trappings. It’s an inside job.
@Massmomm interesting you mention Delancey Street.
Paul Hedderman of “Zen Slap” fame is a graduate.
If anyone is dealing with these issues or general dissatisfaction with life should check out his videos there. It’s all free. Or YouTube.
And he shares about his Delancey Street experience. He describes sitting on the bench outside the office as the place you go when you have really given up.
For those affected by the problem as a child. There is also a group called ACOA. Adult children of alcoholics. And of course, Al Anon.
I don’t speak for either or promote either. Or any other 12 step fellowship.
These are programs of attraction not promotion.
@Massmomm, I’m sorry to hear about your brother’s related illness. My brother has terminal cancer related to the alcohol and smoking. It’s so hard to watch.
@Bestfriendsgirl, thank you for the information. This is worth investigating.