<p>So I admit- if I wanted it done the way I wanted it done- I should have been faster and got to it myself.
But.
H & I have been working in the yard a lot lately- moving shrubs and putting in some new plantings. He has been doing the big stuff, digging holes for 5 ft thuja. I did the research and brought home the trees, but I didn’t “supervise”.</p>
<p>Anyway- he was defensive about following “my” directions, so this morning I was suspicious that they weren’t planted correctly.I dug one up this morning, it was set way too deep and the clay rootball was left hard as cement around the roots. As most of the hole is already dug, I just need to redig it wider and release the roots and replant.</p>
<p>H is going to notice perhaps, that the holes are bigger, but maybe he wont. Im thinking of not telling him I redid his work-as I don’t really see any point in it.</p>
<p>Ive had to do over other family members work too, like when my grandpa insisted on helping us paint the house and but couldn’t really see what he missed. That I didn’t tell him about either, but at least we kept him off the ladder.</p>
<p>I know it is different when you have to do over a coworkers job, but how do you go about it when it is family?</p>
<p>Your experience brought back some fond memories…</p>
<p>I had a wonderful uncle (who is now deceased) who loved working around the house and yard. He was always doing handyman projects (retiling a bathroom, touching up paint, etc.)</p>
<p>Unfortunately, his eyesight was very poor, and he would leave a small mess wherever he was working. His equally wonderful wife would never say a word and just wordlessly clean up after him. They were one of those one-in-a-million couples who had an amazing bond and unconditional love for each other!</p>
<p>Whenever my aunt travels, she carries a small framed photograph of him and puts it on her night table. It’s so sweet!!!</p>
<p>Don’t worry about it; I’m constantly re-doing other people’s work around the house, especially when it comes to cleaning and DH. Often I’ll assign a job to him, he does it halfway and forgets about it.</p>
<p>But the shoe is often on the other foot for me; DH likes to re-do my work! Yesterday, he was going to ban me from our latest project; demolishing the screens on our porch. I love demo! I’m the type who wants to use a sledgehammer; he wanted to take the screens apart with a screwdriver! We ended up mostly using rubber mallets (the screen frames were mostly rotten) but I was eyeing the sledgehammer the whole time!</p>
Yes, that is the question to be asked. My older brother purposely did shoddy work on household stuff because he was trying to get out of ever being asked again. My H, who can be a perfectionist about many things, really has to buy into the reason for doing something a certain way (my way, LOL!) before he complies. I kid with him that he’s passive aggressive because he won’t have a discussion about alternatives, but just does his own thing. That’s why he mows the lawn & I do the laundry. We’re both a bit anal about how those things should be done. Thank God we’re easy going about most other household stuff & just gravitate toward the chores we like best (or hate least.)</p>
<p>If he notices, or cares, just tell him that the plants would have died the way he had planted them. Now I have to go find out what a thuja is. Sounds like something that wouldn’t grow in NJ.</p>
<p>I think he would be happy that I fixed it, but he won’t admit it.
and I agree, just from the mess I made taking the clay off of one tree, it is going to be noticeable.</p>
<p>What a mess- I don’t know how stuff even grows in it.</p>
<p>We husbands like to feel that we are competent. He may adjust to your “redoing” in some undesireable way. Example: I used to load the dishwasher after meals, but after several weeks of my wife stopping the dishwasher to place more plates in, in a way that I thought would impede the water flow around them, I changed my approach. I still clean the table and rinse the dishes, but I now stack them neatly above the washer so that she can load them herself. Actually it was an adjustment I wasn’t conscious of until she pointed it out.</p>
<p>I had to look up Thuja myself to see what it is. Forget about growing it here in NJ, apparently deer LOVE it.</p>
<p>I’ve had to refrain from re-doing my kids’ version of housework. To them, a good vacuuming job is measured in how few minutes it takes (woohoo, did 4 bedrooms in 10 minutes flat!!), not in actually covering the entire area. Which means, of course, that they vacuum around things without picking up anything. Newspapers on the floor, vacuum around them! 5 pairs of shoes laying on the floor, vacuum around them! So, now, I just tell them for every “thing” (dust bunny, dog hair clump, etc) I pick up after their job, the amount gets subtracted from their allowance.</p>
<p>bethie, your post made me smile. I am very much a rather-do-it-myself type person and I really have had to work at it through the years to ‘allow’ my kids to do things that I probably could have done better! It’s definitely my personality that I’d prefer to do EVERYthing myself, and, as a psychologist, trust me, I’ve analyzed this for many years. I’m a pleaser, I love to do things for people, and this has influenced my behavior in almost every way.</p>
<p>I’m guilty of rearranging the dishwasher if someone else has loaded it, refolding laundry if one of my Ds has unloaded the dryer. I wish I wasn’t like this, and I truly am better now than I was when the kids were younger. I think, back then, with 4 Ds in a relatively short period of time, it was just easier to do everything myself. I love to cook and I prefer not to have help when preparing a meal, even for a large group.</p>
<p>As I get older, I try to make sure that at least SOME of the work when we are all together as a family is done by some of my Ds. They are incredibly helpful when I ask them! It’s probably surprising that they have turned out to be as capable as they are. Recently, I was out of town the same week that two of them happened to be moving and everything went very smoothly without me around to help/organize/direct! I have to admit that that realization was bittersweet.</p>
I am very much a rather-do-it-myself type person and I really have had to work at it through the years to ‘allow’ my kids to do things that I probably could have done better! It’s definitely my personality that I’d prefer to do EVERYthing myself, and, as a psychologist, trust me, I’ve analyzed this for many years. I’m a pleaser, I love to do things for people, and this has influenced my behavior in almost every way.</p>
I have to admit that that realization was bittersweet.</p>