Regret past decisions, feeling that I want to go back

Graduate School
1

Last year I finished my Bachelor’s degree in English with dreams of becoming a published author. But my stupid, immature brain didn’t realize that I needed to get experience in jobs and internships and try to put my best foot forward to get a job after school. Or actually do a major that would help secure a good financial future. I followed my passion, but didn’t think of the future.

I was a transfer to the University of Florida as a junior from community college. One of my biggest regrets- not doing well enough in high school to be able to apply as a freshman (I was decent, in the top third of my class, 3.45 GPA) but my Dad discouraged me from even applying since he didn’t think I would get in. I missed those important freshman years (did one semester as a freshman at FAU) but it wasn’t the same. I missed out on what my brother experienced- I only have one life and it really hurts.

When I got to my dream school, being an introvert myself I didn’t do much, and the clubs I joined I messed up in so I also hate that part of my life (one part still scars me to this day, but too long to talk about here). I fell in love with my bf, and spent WAY too much time with him. Although I don’t regret the experiences and time I had with him, I wish I had done more stuff and experienced more that college had to offer. I did some- went to football and gymnastics games, did my first 5K run, and so on. Even lived in the dorm until my final semester.

But now, after I graduated, I feel empty. I still miss the college life, and I wish I had more time there than just two years. And now that it’s been so hard to get a job (I’m back at where I worked in high school- a grocery store), I feel that maybe going for a Masters might be the way to go. Because I still want to be a published author, the MFA in Creative Writing looks really good. It helps with publications and becoming a better writer- even at UF, they offer an assistantship where they give a full tuition waver each year (valued at like $15,800) and they say most students only pay like $750 a semester. I feel this is the way to go because this MFA is a three year program- so that would give me more time at my favorite school.

I have considered the second BA degree, but don’t think it’s a good idea since I don’t even know WHAT I would want to study, and that would just be a waste of money and time to go into something and not like it. Besides writing, I like aromatherapy and like creating my own spa and beauty products, which could be helpful to go into Business if I would want to make my own shop or something, but it’s still just a hobby and I don’t know if I would want to do another four years of school for that, so I think the MFA would be the way to go.

I have a 3.05 GPA, which isn’t too bad from the others I have seen posted on here, but the one I want to go to says they consider the writing over all else in their consideration for approval to the program. I know I graduated last year and stupidly didn’t think to ask for letters of recommendation so I just sent emails to my last professors, but who knows if they will remember me enough to give me one. On that topic- should I take an English class or two at my community college and get some letters there? I’m already too late for this year’s class so if I get accepted I won’t go to school until NEXT fall, so I have some time.

TL:DR- I miss school, regret past choices, want more college life and feel that going to graduate school will help my career.

What do you guys think? MFA is better, right? I’m only 23, so I can still pass for an undergrad student. Is graduate school life a lot different than undergrad? Can I still get the same experiences?

2

Yes, grad school life is a lot different. People in grad school are often the students who were at the top of the academic heap in undergrad – and had to be in order to be able to get in. From my experience, they are not there to make new friends, join clubs, go to games, or learn about a wide variety of subjects. They are on a focused, professional tract and very serious about it. My social life consisted of study groups and sitting in the library studying with little time for much else. If you are thinking of going to try to relive social aspects you feel you missed in your undergrad experience, I think you will be sadly disappointed.

That said, I think it’s fairly normal to feel a little lost after you finally finish your education. It’s like you’ve been on the hamster wheel for so long and then suddenly it’s over. It’s an adjustment.

3

So, it sounds like you have some good and some bad reasons for pursuing graduate school.

Generally speaking, wanting to relive or improve your undergrad days is NOT a good reason to return to school. This is going to sound harsh, but you can’t go backwards - you can’t recapture your time at UF or change the fact that you transferred. But I say that meaning that instead of trying to go back and have the experience you think that college should be, you should look forward and think about how to improve your CURRENT and future situation. Everyone makes mistakes and has done things they wish they can change! The important thing is trying to shape your future.

That said, yes, graduate school life is SO different. 1Dreamer is right; you are not there to join clubs, explore classes, go to parties, etc. Most graduate students are not members of any clubs, and if they are they may be the graduate student government association or semi-professional groups that are related to their careers. At schools with Division I sports, grad students may go to a few scattered games here and there, but tailgating every weekend and participating in the football culture isn’t really a thing. They definitely don’t socialize with the undergrads on a regular basis. You don’t even live with them - graduate student housing is separate from undergrad housing.

So don’t go back because you want to recreate a different undergrad experience - you’ll be disappointed.

However, you have some good reasons too - getting an MFA because you want to be a writer is a good idea. However, you definitely should not limit yourself to only applying to UF. It may have been your undergrad dream school, but getting a grad degree is more about going where you’ll get the best education and professional connections to start your career. Definitely apply to UF but explore other MFA programs that will get you where you want to go. And absolutely only consider ones that offer you some kind of funding.