My son is engaged. We had the perfect idea for a rehearsal dinner venue. Wonderful food in a super-casual atmosphere. I knew they didn’t have a liquor license but thought maybe we could bring our own in a private room. Turns out that the owner is a Baptist minister, so it’s a big no to alcohol on premises.
There will be a lot of out of town guests who will be invited to the dinner; if we rent a venue and have the food catered in, the rehearsal dinner could cost about as much as the reception (which I’d just as soon avoid.) Our house is too small to host a large group for a sit down meal.
Would the world come to an end of alcohol was not served at a rehearsal dinner, due to the rules of the venue (as opposed to family religious preference?) Perhaps we could come up with a tasty signature mocktail to serve.
This is a toughie. The worst wedding I ever attended was a Baptist ceremony where no wine, no nothing was served…folks lasted maybe two hours and then left…I never realized until then how much a bottle of wine can fuel a reception…it wasn’t that everybody drank…it was more that nobody drank and it seemed to dampen the mood. It was an eye-opener.
On the other hand, this is a smaller group the night before and it might be cool because of the closeness of the family, the great food, the wonderful toasts. Let me ask you, what would be the reaction of folks if you laid out these parameters for the dinner?
The world wouldn’t come to an end but…it would be a deal breaker for our family and friends. It just wouldn’t have the same festive atmosphere we are used to - especially for a momentous event like a rehearsal dinner. I would want all my guests (and me) to be able to enjoy an adult beverage as that is what would be expected and is very much the norm for all of our social situations.
It would be less a huge deal for a bridal shower, but, here again, I would still want to provide some beer, wine, champagne, etc. Ultimately, I would not book a venue for any adult type celebration that prohibited alcohol.
While there’s no reason in the world you have to have alcohol, the reality is it will probably bother some people if you don’t. Only you know your relatives and guests. My SIL didn’t serve it at hers, and I overheard a lot of comments. Some snarky, some disappointed, some curious (are they having financial trouble or just being cheap? was overheard). Also, people left early to go back to their hotels and relax with an after-dinner drink, which is either hurtful or a bonus, depending on how much you like your relatives.
That being said, if the alternative is that you go into debt to pay for a rehearsal dinner, people can suck it up and survive without drinks for a few hours! The idea of a themed or signature mocktail is wonderful, and you can make sure the most gossipy people there know you had intended to have alcohol but found out at the last minute that it wasn’t allowed.
I’ve also seen people host rehearsal dinners in restaurants and then invite people back to their houses for a cocktail hour. That’s relatively low-cost and not sit-down, so you can squeeze more people in, and not everyone will do both. Also, if you include it in the invitation, it will hint to people that there won’t be alcohol at dinner, and even those who are surprised at dinner will be placated by the later plans. Just a thought.
Sounds like the place with no alcohol might make a nice day-after-the-wedding brunch venue.
For me, I would be very surprised and disappointed and, yeah, kinda angry that there’s no liquor. Call me vapid, but I like a nice glass of wine with my social mingling.
Although I don’t think that alcohol is necessary to have a good time, I would find another venue. I wouldn’t hold a rehearsal dinner, which is a large part of the celebration, in my opinion, at a place that didn’t allow alcohol.
We ended up having a non-sit down rehearsal dinner at our house, and beer was served. Casual make-your-own tacos, brownies and ice cream. Although I would have thought we wouldn’t have enough space, it worked out with people on porches, front, back and upstairs, and sitting on stairs and couches. Lots of fun, and it really gave folks a chance to socialize and move around in a way that you can’t in a restuarant. Maybe reconsider your house?
Wow, I never realized so many people couldn’t celebrate without alcohol. But assuming that the posters here are like your friends, sounds like a different venue would be in order.
I"m with Cardinal Fang. I would never have guessed that alcohol could be so divisive.
For the record, I’ve hosted to rehearsal dinners (in our home), two weddings (at a venue) and numerous showers. We have never served alcohol. I’m sure that some were irked by it, but I chose to simply pay that no mind.
I’ve been to enough events that were marred by the actions of those under the influence that I did not want to risk that happening at our events. We went to one wedding were several got plastered at the reception (and they were not ‘nice’ drunks - quite hte opposite). Since we are related to some of these people, I never serve alcohol at family events.
Agree with others that while alcohol is not necessary to have fun (and I don’t drink) , it is an expected part of wedding festivities and will definitely be missed. Continue to look, there must be another venue . I’m of the opinion that you should more or less go out of your way to accommodate your out-of-town guests and most of them, if not a majority, will expect to have a drink in a social setting. Brunches, showers - ok for no alcohol. Rehearsal dinner - don’t do it.
I, like Zoosermom will watch this thread with interest since we will be hosting a casual reception dinner for S in June - haven’t even thought too much about a venue!!!
Wow, as someone who doesn’t do/need alcohol it just floors me that many think it’s necessary. I think mocktails are a cute idea! As long as the dinner/party is fun and they are well fed is the absence of alcohol really something people will be shaking their head about? Apparently for some yes. For me, not at all!
Have you mentioned this to bride and groom to get their input? I personally think any guest who requires alcohol in order to attend and celebrate the happy couple may not have their priorities straight. This is an event for the bride and groom, and if they love the venue and the food, a fun night can be had.
You can direct the drinkers to a local bar afterwards (maybe at the hotel where most of the out of town guests are staying). I would not take on another event by inviting everyone to your home. I would pick a venue and be done with it. You will be exhausted after rehearsal dinner, and still have your “to do” list for day of wedding. (You don’t want to get stuck with Uncle Charlie on your couch chatting/drinking away til after midnight.)
If your happy couple wants the venue, then choose a short statement that you can repeat to explain “This restaurant has a special place in their hearts and it will mean a lot to them to have the dinner there. Those that are up for an afterparty can meet up at Joe’s Bar down the street when the dinner is over.”
Ask if it is an option to bring in non-alcoholic sparking juice to drink while making toasts to the happy couple.
You’re not going to get a consensus. You’ll get everything from “how sad people can’t have fun without alcohol” to “it’s not necessary but nice to have” to “people expect it, so you’d better provide it” to “I wouldn’t want to be one of your guests.” That said, you really have to entertain according to your budget, not the wishes and expectations of others. Ideally, you can balance these two things, but if not, the world won’t end.
If you do decide to host the party at the Baptist minister’s place, some of your guests will gripe behind your back, unfortunately, and your party will end earlier than if you’d served wine, but these are fleeting things, and they’ll pass.
If I were you, I’d try to find some place that allows you to self-cater. My mother and a friend of hers went in to celebrate their husbands’ 70th birthdays at an old lodge that was lovely but inexpensive, and they were allowed to bring their own wine and beer, as long as there was an adult doing the serving. They had various delis make up platters of both hot and cold foods, and it was a lot cheaper than if they’d gone to a hotel or some other venue with a list of pricey caterers. You may have a place like this near you. Good luck and congrats on your son’s engagement!
What? Wow-people would be surprised and even angry at no alcohol? I am surprised by THAT, and I like a good wine or beer as much as anyone. I work in the office of a church that rents out space for weddings, receptions and parties. For legal reasons, not religious ones, we don’t allow alcohol. People would need to get special licenses and servers’ permits etc.So It’s just easier to leave it out. We’ve hosted many rehearsal dinners and people seem to have a good time, though they tend to be quite casual. The receptions are more formal, and again, we get bookings from guests who enjoyed themselves at others’ events, so SOME people must be ok with our policy!
I know how much venues can cost-I had to do the research on that when we updated our own pricing. If your friends and family won’t be shocked and angry at a alcohol-free venue, then go for it. I like the mocktail idea. What about a Virgin Bloody Mary bar? You could do all kinds of options with that and it would be interactive too!
It depends on what you want. If you want to serve alcohol, then this isn’t the venue for you. It’s not perfect. If you don’t want to serve alcohol, or do want to but are willing to give it up to have this venue, then it’s your choice. Obviously many baptists are fine with no alcohol, and I’ve been to a number of Mormon events with no alcohol. It just matters what you want.
I don’t like it when fake cocktails are served. Call it punch, call it lemonade, but don’t call it a mock tail as that just emphasises that there is no liquor, and you wish there were.
The best rehearsal dinners I’ve been to are not in restaurants but picnics or bbq’s. Liquor for those who want it, usually beer and wine, and soda and water for those who don’t.
I don’t think anyone REQUIRES alcohol to attend a party, but the majority of people prefer and even expect it, and it does tend to make people more comfortable, especially when there are a lot of strangers you’re getting to know. And I say this as someone who drinks very little.
OP, if you are not hosting (ie paying for it) you cannot mention an afterparty, as I believe was suggested above. Even if it’s casually done, many people will be taken aback if told where they can go and buy the alcohol that you didn’t feel like providing – which is absolutely how it will be interpreted.
^^^This this this. And only you know your friends and relatives. Will they care? If there’s alcohol, will Uncle Bob just get in a fight with Aunt Sybil again? Will the party be a completely boring dud without alcohol and with that mix of attendees? Ultimately, it’s up to you, and to the bride and groom.
This is all about culture, and what people are used to. As others have suggested, you should talk to the bride and groom–especially the bride–to see what people will expect. If the bride’s family will all assume that alcohol is an integral part of a celebration, you probably don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with them in this way.
I agree that the party will end sooner without alcohol.
I’ve been to receptions and dinners where no alcohol was served by the hosts but it was available down the hall, but it sounds like this isn’t the OPs situation.
Real drinkers don’t like mocktails, but perhaps a cute signature beverage would be a nice touch.