<p>Our daughter is a science/foreign language double major taking the premed prereqs. Since she is double majoring and taking the premed classes, she really doesn’t have an entire semester or a summer to spare time wise to study abroad. She came up with the idea that she could do several shorter “abroad experiences” during summers and maybe the winter break that would add up to the same amount of time of a regular study abroad experience. Since she is premed, she longed to do something that would combine her language with some sort of health care experience. We searched and searched and couldn’t really come up with anything. Suddenly, all the stars seemed to align when we got a Christmas letter from a friend saying, “Our daughter is a physician currently practicing in _____________” - the country of D’s language! Phone calls were made, e-mails exchanged, and our D is going to live with this physician and her family for three weeks, go to work daily with her to shadow, etc. It is wonderful “custom made” experience for our daughter and such a generous offer from this family (whom we’ve never met). Physicians in this country do not get paid anywhere near what physicians in the US get paid. We would like to give them some cash (euros) in a card at the end of D’s stay to express our gratitude and serve as a repayment of sorts.</p>
<p>After all that explanation, my question is - What do you think would be an appropriate amount to give them?</p>
<p>Unless I’m misunderstanding, it sounds like your friend’s daughter is freely offering this opportunity to your daughter. Instead of giving money, why not ask the friend what her daughter and family would enjoy? Have daughter bring some gifts for family members, take them out to a nice dinner at your expense,etc. I think there may be the risk the family could be offended if money were offered. Maybe try to gauge this with your friend.</p>
<p>US physician here. I think you would be insulting the family if you tried to give cash like that. Your D should try to treat them to a dinner- on her parents. The family will be thinking of all of your expenses for college and the trip. The shadowing and household expenses would not be something to pay for. Your D should expect to pay for any side trips. If they have kids she could give a gift for them. You should approach the expenses their D will incur with your friend and ask what they think may be appropriate. You can tell the friend you would be embarrassed to do nothing to imply you are looking for the best way to give them something. Remember the family will enjoy having a US guest- it’s a two way learning event.</p>
<p>Be SURE to have your DD take every member of the family a little something from here when she goes there. If there are kids, it can be school T shirts,age appropriate puzzles with local picture … Local food that travels or soap or …?? Every person in the family receives something when she arrives. It really seems to be customary for travelers to do that for hosts and something I don’t see as much here in the US</p>
<p>I think she can flat out ask, can I help pay for groceries while I am here? then do what they say.</p>
<p>And then a restaurant meal when she leaves sounds good to me.</p>
<p>Gosh! Never even considered the possibility of offending them! We are really just trying to express our gratitude for our D living in their home, eating their food, using their laundry facilities, riding to work with the wife, etc. My H is also a physician. The “friends” are a resident who was a year ahead of him in training (28 years ago!!) and his wife. It is their daughter and family our D will be staying with. H has only seen this man every several years at meetings, etc., but luckily, we get the yearly Christmas letter.</p>
<p>Esobay - D is planning on taking gifts for the physician and her husband, their toddler child and their cats! Paying for the groceries is also a good suggestion.</p>
<p>I will also tell her to insist on picking up the tab if/when they go out to eat</p>
<p>Money is such a funny thing - different people react differently. Some can be insulted by offering to pay, others insulted because of not offering. I think the best suggestion is to ask outright.</p>
<p>When we lived in Germany, we had a friend of my D’s come to spend her two-week spring break with her. We were clear about it being on our tab - they buy the airline ticket, we pay the expenses, thinking that we would pay entry fees to tourist attractions, food, etc. But we weren’t clear about those extra expenses. It became a little muddied when the girl wanted to do a lot more than what we had planned / budgeted. She also seemed to assume that her souvenirs and gifts for family back home were part of the bargain, and it became a little awkward when she was constantly asking for money to buy stuff. It was something I just hadn’t considered to spell out. (She was absolutely fine with it, once we did spell it out. She was just a kid who hadn’t quite picked up on all the rules.)</p>
<p>So I say, settle it all ahead of time. Let them know that you really appreciate their kindness, and want to be sure you aren’t a burden in any way. And then ask them what would help lessen that burden - rent? grocery money? A suitcase of goodies from back home? If they say they want nothing, hostess gifts are appropriate anyway.</p>
<p>How about a quick email to host family has says, “dear so and so, you have no idea how much we appreciate the offer of your hospitality for our dear daughter. She completely understands how much of an opportunity this is for her and it is important to us that this does not become a financial hardship to your family in any way. Is there someway we can contribute to our daughter’s expense while she is there?”</p>