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<p>This has been discussed. I’ve given them advice, as has my estate attorney sister, and now it’s time for me to step away from the couple.</p>
<p>I like the idea of a Weber grill or a Cuisinart food processor. Those things cost a fortune. </p>
<p>ETA: The advice to not appear meddling or controlling by giving them what I would want is good advice. I will try to heed it. </p>
<p>I was given my Cuisinart as a wedding gift
by 2 families of good friends. I use it so much and this is almost 30 years on. I know my son uses his, because he was just telling me about experimenting with pestos.</p>
<p>Might they have time for a civil marriage by a justice of the peace or judge, so that the ownership thing would be easier? Lots of my friends’ kids are doing this with the celebration later.</p>
<p>Offer to help pay for the wedding? </p>
<p>My oldest eloped this year.
She held a party five months later.
They are still living in an apt though. ( although it’s in a pretty nice one story building)
Maybe I will get them a tree.</p>
<p>A lot of young women these days want a Kitchenaid mixer, with attachments for pasta, etc. If this couple likes to cook/bake, I think would make a great gift. </p>
<p>I hope they don’t read CC! They might not appreciate all the wedding jokes and tips. </p>
<p>I have a funny story. When my (then) husband and I bought our house twenty years ago, my father-in-law decided to surprise us with a generous housewarming gift. He bribed the realtor to gain access to the house and stocked the pantry and fridge to the gills. The thing was, however, he stocked it to his very particular taste. I distinctly remember the Count Boo-Berry cereal, as an example. And the Wonder Bread. And Miracle Whip. This was when I was in my Alice Waters phase, mind you (well, I aspired to Alice Waters style).</p>
<p>Oh, and some kind of horse shampoo. But it was meant for us to use on our own hair.</p>
<p>This was also during the time I was working 70 hour weeks as a young associate in a large law firm. I had no time to cook at all. My father-in-law, however, took a proprietary interest in how all that food he bought was going to be prepared and he started calling me repeatedly with recipes and suggestions. And then helpful follow up calls. “Did you make those ribs yet?” “Did you make those ribs yet?” “Did you make those ribs yet?” </p>
<p>Believe it or not, he actually did mean well. He died a few years ago. I miss him.</p>
<p>That is hilarious.
I remember my father in law eating miracle Whip on cottage cheese for breakfast, when I was nauseous in early pregnancy.
It was all I could do to not urp.
I do remember when horse shampoo was popular, it had keratin or something.</p>
<p>My in laws contributed to the down payment on our first house. I am still grateful 20 years later!</p>
<p>OP here.</p>
<p>Actually, when I was chatting with the GF about some aspect of the house-buying, I told her that they would need to be careful in how they purchase the house, since they’re not married. She responded, “Oh, S2 thinks we should just go down to City Hall and get married, but then he thought you’d be p!$$ed because you’d want a big party.” I told her: “Yes, I want a big party, but we can do that separately from the ceremony!”</p>
<p>So we’ll see what they decide to do!!</p>
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<p>I totally disagree. I would happily accept it as a generous gift.</p>
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<p>Again, I disagree. My parents continued to give us pieces of our silver until we had enough for 12 people. They also gave me more china. The difference is, of course, that a) I wanted both and they knew it, and b) the silver was the pattern H and I picked out.</p>
<p>Honestly, when I started living in an apartment, my parents gave me stuff they had, and I was extremely grateful. When H and I married and had our first house, they continued to help out. I don’t get the idea that couples need to purchase every single thing themselves and will be mightily offended by gifts–at least, as long as the giver and the recipient are on the same page about what they would like. </p>
<p>ETA: cross-posted with OP. Sounds like good news! :)</p>
<p>The kitchenaid mixer is a popular choice with young marrieds these days. And they are pricey! </p>
<p>I don’t think I could contain myself either. I was thinking of buying a nice wedding gift for my daughter’s upcoming business partner wedding. He is just a nice person and so is his bride to be. They are both friends of my daughter. I’m so glad my daughter has him as a business partner.</p>
<p>OP, let us know what you end up doing! This is a fun thread to read, mostly bc you sound like such a generous yet tactful parent (not always a combination that goes together). I have a 20 yr old and while I hope she delays settling down until the time is “right,” I also look forward to giving meaningful gifts for those big occassions. I am also enjoying hearing the stories of other posters’ in-law gifts. Our least useful wedding gift: champagne bucket with two engraved crystal flutes. I mean, on those rare occasions, we like to toast with the whole family, not just the two of us. Funniest thing about it, the gift came from my in-laws’ best friends, who took pains to correctly engrave my unusual, hard-to-spell name…but misspelled my husband’s!</p>
<p>I would suggest a lawn mower, grill or appliance, if needed. Our parents gave us a washer and dryer when we bought our first home and it was very much appreciated.</p>
<p>Another vote for Weber grill, if you think they would use it. I remember having cheap grills when I was younger, and being so excited when we finally got the Weber. Nice pots/pans is another idea, but people have different ideas about what makes a good pot. </p>
<p>I like the Weber grill idea. </p>
<p>When we were first married, my parents got us a washer and dryer as a housewarming gift (we bought a townhouse shortly after getting married). It was really welcome and enabled us to feel we could spend our money elsewhere. For some inexplicable reason, my ILs offered to pay for an upgrade from linoleum floors to tile floors, which we wanted and which really improved the look of the place and ultimate resale value. </p>
<p>I like the money idea.</p>
<p>Visa cash card is great.</p>
<p>We gave my MIL a Visa cash card because she was planning to get a new microwave, and we didn’t want to pick one out for her. You can always give a Visa (or Amex or MC) gift card and say “maybe for a new grill!”. Note that we made sure it was enough for my MIL to buy most microwaves she would be interested in, $250 in this case.</p>
<p>Money was very meaningful to us when we were first starting out.</p>
<p>S and his GF have not been in the stage of development that would deserve receiving big gifts from us yet. But the following post from OP got me into thinking:</p>
<p>“S2 thinks we should just go down to City Hall and get married, but then he thought you’d be p!$$ed because you’d want a big party.” I told her: “Yes, I want a big party, but we can do that separately from the ceremony!”</p>
<p>If a young couple go down to City Hall and get married and have a party months or even half a year later, will anybody (say, the bride, the parents of bride) be p!$$ed?</p>
<p>It seems many young people (especially the young women, I think) are looking forward to a proper wedding (there is term call “bridzilla” or $3000+ wedding dress because of the huge expectation for this) they may be teenagers. Is it “cruel” to advise them to go to City Hall to get married? Will her parents also likely be very upset about this?</p>