<p>S2 and his GF of four years are buying a house together. While I kinda wish they were first getting married, I’m nevertheless thrilled beyond belief. (They’ve discussed marriage, and they plan to do it eventually, but they’re too busy right now.) I want to give them all sorts of things for their new house – a giant BB&B gift certificate, a ginormous Home Depot gift certificate, a huge bunch of money so they can update a few things, and so forth and so on. DH is reminding me to slow down and be reasonable. </p>
<p>They are self-supporting, although she works in not-for-profit and he’s only getting a meager stipend as a grad student. So they don’t have big bucks to spend on fixing things up right now.</p>
<p>What’s an appropriate housewarming gift for two people whom I love very much who are likely to give me grandchildren one day? </p>
<p>Well…you can do all of the above…one for housewarming, one for someone’s birthday, one for the other someone’s birthday, one for the December holiday. Heck…you could do one for thanksgiving.</p>
<p>I would be inclined to see what they need and get them the thing they would like the most…and would unlikely get themselves, first.</p>
<p>Pay for the the priority of the house which could be painting or carpet or deck work or…or…
And hopefully they have a plan–how do they split this up if they DON’T stay together?</p>
<p>What do they like to do? Do they like to cook? </p>
<p>I always think it is nice for a couple to have sufficient plates and silverware to entertain reasonably graciously; for example–not being too extravagant–12 nice dinner plates with 12 matching salad/dessert plates, and a set of nice stainless for 12.</p>
<p>If their house is in dire need of some particular repairs or improvements, and if they are at all handy, a Home Depot gift certificate would be very helpful.</p>
<p>An espresso or coffee maker with some nice mugs if they are coffee drinkers. You could do something thematic around breakfast, for example, by adding a quality skillet and a Belgian Waffle maker and maybe a bag of quality waffle mix, a bottle of real maple syrup, a jar of excellent jam, and a bag of good coffee. (A grinder if they don’t have one and you think they would use it.)</p>
<p>You could do something thematic around salad with a large wooden salad bowl filled with tossing/serving implements, a bottle of special olive oil, a bottle of good balsamic vinegar, and half a dozen nice salad plates.</p>
<p>Come assess the situation, and see what is really needed in the place. As I sit here with new appliances being installed as I type,am thinking stove, dishwasher, etc. Hooray for the purchase!</p>
<p>I will try to rein you in. My son recently married the girl of all our dreams and they are living in institute housing where he has a post doc. Both kids are from frugal families and are frugal themselves. DH and I could buy them just about anything they need or would want but I remember when we were starting out and how good it felt to save and buy our own things. I believe they feel the same way. It was hard to stand by silently when they were grad students and agonized over whether or not to buy a slightly more expensive IKEA kitchen cart but I know that was the right thing to do. Also, they are trying to be very mindful in their purchasing, not buying a lot of useless stuff that would eventually have them joining the Bag A Week Club. I respect that.</p>
<p>When they were home before moving to their new place I gave them three sets of brass candlesticks, originally from my parents and each set of grandparents. I know this was something they’d planned to buy with some of their wedding money so now they can do something else with that. Also, after they finish out the year and are in a more permanent situation, we will buy them a dining table as a wedding gift.</p>
<p>I would buy a good sized tree, perhaps a Serbian spruce, that can live in a pot/ whiskey barrel outside for a few years until they know where to plant it.
We used one for a living Christmas tree for several years until we bought a house and planted it.</p>
<p>VeryHappy- we were cut from the same cloth. I love to celebrate, share and make a moment out of milestones. As you asked for help, I will give it. This is their new house, their vision, their dream. This is a big achievement. Perhaps it is important that they “own” it, both literally and in a more general sense, by setting the pace and nature of acquisitions, what they set up first, etc. Excess from others may detract from their shared experience. I’d do something of their choosing and initially leave descriptors like “giant” out of it. Let things fall into place a little, knowing as others have said, there will be many more opportunities. Also, if her family wants to share the joy and give a gift, having the other family cover all bases preemptively and buy the moon could be off putting. Think long-term, Grandma to be. </p>
<p>I will be checking back at this thread to keep myself in check about a variety of things. I am very sensitive that we are in position to do more gifting than some SO’s families and I seek to avoid creating awkwardness with too much of a good thing. </p>
<p>I’d want to do the same thing, not if it meant spending my retirement savings on it, but if I had the extra $$. OTOH, my son seems pretty happy living in a subsistence manner, picks up kitchen things from Goodwill or student give-aways. I did get him a food processor because he likes to cook and I didn’t think he’d likely find a good Cuisinart at Goodwill. I also send him food gifts occasionally, specialty things I know he wouldn’t buy for himself. Since your son and GF are buying the house, it makes sense to invest something in it. You’ll hopefully be visiting there often!</p>
<p>How about a nice Weber grill - which is useful and something they might not get themselves? (assuming they are not moving to a climate which is so cold that they can’t use an outdoor grill)</p>
<p>I bought into my fiancé’s house many years ago. When the relationship ended, it was as difficult or more than my lawyer had suggested. Tenants in common? rights of survivorship? So many issues to face. So many dollars spent on legal bills.</p>
<p>I am amazed that a grad student and an employee of a non-profit can afford to buy a home. How certain is your son that he will get a job in local area? </p>
<p>I read like such a downer. I apologize for that, but I do hope you explore some of these issues with your son before they purchase a house that they may live in less than 5 years. </p>
<p>I I bought both of my kids a set of really good knives. They all appreciated it. Knives are essential but hard to spend enough for the good ones. And they should last a long time with proper care. </p>
<p>I agree that they will probably want to “own” this process. I think the ideas of a tree or a grill are great compromises. They are large symbolic gestures but leave the house alone. You want to be careful not to be seen as thinking they can’t do things on their own or with the “right” quality. If you get them something nicer than they can afford it could seem like saying what they would have gotten wouldn’t have been good enough in your eyes. You need to ooh and aah over every inexpensive and used and creative thing they put in their house.</p>
<p>Definitely cash! And I never give cash gifts for a wedding or other occasions. But they will have a long list of priorities that may not match what you think they need.</p>
<p>So, I vote for a check (presented with a nice but not overly extravagant bottle of champagne).</p>
<p>I would ask what they would like most from you. When my son and GF (now wife, so it does happen) moved in together I asked, and he said they’d love a Webber for their patio. I asked if he would like to pick it out and we’d pick up the tab, which they did. They really appreciated it. They were just renting, but it was their first place together.
I think it’s very easy to do too much. Other MIL had a habit of sending a lot of gifts up to them, and DIL actually asked her to stop. Their taste is somewhat different from hers, but I think the main thing is that they are kind of minimalist and thoughtful about what they have and don’t want a lot of stuff.<br>
When the “need” to do something for them comes up for me, I usually send them edibles from one of the online shops. Even if they don’t love everything, they have parties and stuff gets eaten. </p>
<p>When we got married we bought a house. We had both only lived in our parents homes and needed to buy everything. I was not into any of the wedding registry type stuff (did not want crystal, china, silverware, etc.) So, every year my in-laws bought me crystal, china, silverware - not to my liking - for every holiday until they felt I had it all. Don’t be like that! </p>
<p>Get the Weber grill and have it pre-assembled for them - they will love it!</p>
<p>If they need an appliance, that’s what I would suggest, otherwise maybe a couch. (My in-laws gave my husband the living room couch when he bought our house – before we were married. And he had a good job and could have paid for it himself.)</p>
<p>Appliances are expensive and necessary, but not really such a big expression of one’s personal taste.</p>