<p>We received a hammock when we moved into our current house 24 years ago. In deference to the Bag a Week thread, I tossed it out this week. We couldn’t use it in recent years because the required trees were removed several years ago after storm damage. On the other hand, my BIL gave us 2 trash cans from Sears when we purchased out first home in 1982 (he’s not really a sentimental guy). At the time, I remember being a little underwhelmed by the gift. However, they have stood the test of time and we still have them (and use them for overflow).</p>
<p>After reading this thread, I wonder when it is proper to give your child’s GF or BF a gift. Is it when they have been 3 or 6 months into their seemingly committed relationship?</p>
<p>DS started a relationship likely 3-4 months ago (we do not know exactly when they decided to be together as a couple. However, we are aware that they have known each other as just friends for several years.)</p>
<p>When I brought up the topic of giving her a small gift with my friends (who are parents with dating-aged offsprings too), some of them kind of advised that I should not hold my hope too high and should not do this, when their relationship is still not that long.</p>
<p>We have never had a chance to meet her or talk over the phone (or via the text message) due to the long distance (we are on a different coast.) If we want to give her any gift, we need to mail it, or ask DS to take our gift to her when he is back home (which happens only once a year.)</p>
<p>Maybe include the GF/BF in holiday gifts? That might be less awkward. </p>
<p>^ A good idea. Thanks.</p>
<p>DS mentioned to us that when the parents of his GF mailed something, (maybe some “care package”) to her, it included a small gift for him as well. (We do not ask what it is in order to be not perceived as being nosy.) So we are thinking of doing something reciprocal.</p>
<p>I would send a nice food gift that could be shared.</p>
<p>Mcat – I wouldn’t send a gift. It is not appropriate at this stage and it would embarrass her. Many young women would perceive this as forward or pushy (even if outwardly expressing appreciation). Plus, if she lives in student or transitory housing, a gift could actually be perceived as a burden because of space limitations. </p>
<p>At this stage of their relationship, the only time a gift would be appropriate would be if she were a guest in your home on an occasion when gifts are generally exchanged among all participants.</p>
<p>Or, perhaps, after you’ve met her, it might be appropriate to send her a small congratulatory gift at a major milestone, like a graduation or something.</p>
<p>Or, if you are ever in their town, it would be extremely gracious for you to invite the two of them out to dinner. It wouldn’t have to be an expensive place. That would be much more natural and typical than a gift.</p>
<p>DS and fiancee are just starting the process of trying to buy a very small house. Despite the small size, they unfortunately go for very high prices (they are in a ridiculously expensive area). Don’t know if they will get one (competition for housing is crazy, with multiple bidders and several cash buyers). So our gift is to contribute to the down payment. Its their wedding gift, early. I told them I appreciated their needing a gift that was easy to wrap :)</p>
<p>OP here. I visited DS and his GF this weekend and helped them move in. I gave them the “traditional” housewarming gifts with their cute sayings, and midway through the presentation DS looks at me and says, “You totally got this off Google, didn’t you?” He’s such a romantic. </p>
<p>GF was moved, I think. She’s a keeper.</p>
<p>Then, when I gave him the check, he was smiling. </p>
<p>It was a wonderful weekend. I got to spend a lot of time with GF alone, and if I liked her before, I really like her now.</p>
<p>I’m thinking that we may have S’s GF as a guest over Christmas. I’ve been obsessing a bit about the gift thing. We aren’t big gift givers, and she has given S some nice clothing items which lead me to suspect that she would feel compelled to get something for each of us (H and I, S’s godfather, possibly my mother). She is Chinese (from China). S has had two Asian GFs, and both gave him stuff. I don’t know whether this is a cultural thing, or simply a young woman’s desire to dress her BF. 
I was thinking that I would discuss this with S, and tell him that he should let her know that this really would not be expected. I would, of course, get something for HER. (That would never occur to my H, who opposes the commercialization thing and often give us things like boxes of kleenex. Yes, really.)</p>
<p>Advice appreciated.</p>
<p>Maybe have your S explain to the GF that our family prefers inexpensive consumables (like $10 or less total) and is uncomfortable with lavish gifts. That hopefully will help limit the gifting. You can also give her similar, low priced tea or coffee, etc. Buying clothing for someone one hasn’t met is tough, especially knowing the correct size, taste, etc.</p>
<p>Very nice, VeryHappy. I once did some bonding with my (now) DIL while we put together IKEA furnishings. (The men were off doing the heavy lifting.)</p>
<p>DS’s GF is coming staying with us over Thanksgiving. So I’m also thinking that she may be around for part of Christmas break. As far as gifts go I’m on the fence. I think if I did get her something it would be candy or along that line. </p>
<p>Food that the couple would enjoy is probably always a safe gift, including potentially a gift certificate for a restaurant the couple might enjoy dining at while they’re in your hometown or at college. Just a thought. If they may be trying to be more health conscious–perhaps trail mix? Coffee? Tea?</p>
<p>We lean more in the direction of books and nice sweaters, scarves.</p>
<p>I’m also have a crisis about food. As it happens, I cook a lot of Chinese food, but I would be scared to do so for an actual Chinese person! :)</p>
<p>Consolation, we are in the same boat. Sort of. D’s Chinese boyfriend (who I have not met, but sends me postcards when traveling) is coming for Xmas. But he cooks French food with my D, and they are do it yourself foodies. I eat lo carb vegetarian or like an Asian peasant, depending on the night. Can’t even go there with presents, yet, but suppose I should. Sigh. But I am thrilled to finally meet this very nice young man! </p>
<p>On the OTHER hand my S has a mainland Chinese GF, who is rather thrilled about Christmas and other American festivals. Son however is not, as he spent time in China and got out of the habit of Christmas, so they are traveling in National Parks for the holiday. I’m sure his GF would love to give gifts as she is crafty, but not this year. </p>
<p>Do you cook Thai, Korean or Japanese? If not Chinese, but in that realm, might be a good way to go. </p>
<p>If you live in a cold climate, Smart Wool socks are my favorite little gift. Special, fun, and warm. </p>
<p>BTW, it was fun to run into Very Happy, S and GF post gift last week in my town. They all seemed glowing in the wake of the day’s events. </p>
<p>Consolation, your son’s girlfriend would probably feel uncomfortable to come to a holiday party empty-handed, especially since you will be giving her a gift. I would still ask your son to pass along the “no gifts” message but if she balks at that suggestion perhaps your son could encourage his girlfriend simply to sign her name to his gifts. After all, most couples don’t buy gifts individually. (Or is that too big a sign of commitment? Joint gift-giving?)</p>
<p>Oh, I would expect her to give him something, and perhaps a hostess-gift kind of thing for us, but I just wouldn’t want her to feel as if she has to get something for every individual who is here! (This might include not only H&I, but S’s GM, godfather, and a college friend of mine who often comes up from Boston at Christmas.) And doG knows, she might be taken aback at H’s idea of a gift. I certainly am, and I’m accustomed to it! :)</p>
<p>I also cook Thai and Indian, as my other major Asian cuisines. And some Indonesian. And French, Italian, Hungarian, you name it, really. We often have Thai for Christmas.</p>
<p>I’m probably over-thinking this. :)</p>
<p>She’d probably be disappointed if your husband deviated from the eccentric gift tradition; I’m sure she’s heard plenty of stories! </p>
<p>great lakes mom, you were invaluable last week. I genuinely couldn’t have done it without you!!</p>
<p>I would live to have this question. Kids need a significant long term other first…that hasn’t happened…yet.</p>