How do I tell my parents, who expect so much from me and desperately want me to be the smartest person in the world, that I was rejected from all the programs I applied to? I think my parents are more invested in what I do in the summer than I am, and it has really stressed me out
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I am so sorry that you are feeling stressed out and concerned about what your parents will think. I am one of those parents and have put a lot of pressure on my kids -I think they are amazing and deserve the world and I am sure your parents view it similar.
Their disappointment most likely is not personal - they just want you to be rewarded for your hard work and don’t want to see you disappointed.
I know my kids did not view it this way and felt they were disappointing us - that was never the case and I am glad they spoke up at one point to let us know how they felt. (only after they were in college)
Huge parenting lesson learned - I hope you can talk to your parents about how you feel and please don’t take the rejections to heart. You put yourself out there - hugs to you from a trying to reform pressure mom.
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I don’t think kids know how stressful this time is for the parents. We watch our kids work so hard, try their best, and achieve great things in high school. We ONLY want for our children to be happy and feel good about themselves.
My daughter worked very hard in high school. I honestly did not care what University she went to, we only wanted her to be validated for herself. We wanted her to feel good about what she had done and where she was going. University prestige meant nothing to us, just that she was excited. As parents we shared in the hopes that our daughter expressed. Talk to your parents, they are likely happy and excited for you as long as YOU are happy and excited for what comes.
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As I recall from your previous post, you applied to three science programs. Maybe this one would be of interest ? I’ve heard the kids learn a lot and also have a lot of fun together. You can apply to multiple sessions if you want.
Scroll down until you find the Summer 2024 information. I think they are still accepting applications.
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Here’s an article from Forbes about programs that are still accepting applications. Note that the first one they list is the one I listed above —but my link was to the in-person program not the online one.
Also, summer programs really don’t help with college admissions any more than any other activity, with the exception of a few extremely competitive math programs. So go because you want to (assuming it is affordable) not because of college applications.
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I would reframe the way you’re thinking about these highly rejective programs. Much like HYPSM admissions, the default should be to assume you wouldn’t be accepted. You’re in very good company with many high achieving high schoolers who will all go on to do amazing things even though they weren’t chosen for an elite summer program.
I would approach your parents “since I wasn’t accepted to any of the summer research programs, I need to come up with plan B. I was thinking about getting a job (or X, Y, Z). Is it too late to add me to our family trip?"
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@coolcats998 How are you doing today? I’ve been thinking about you and wishing you well. Have you been able to talk with your parents yet ?
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@coolcats998 , can you ask your parents if you can talk to them about something that’s really important to you? You can tell them that you love it that they have so much confidence in you. You can also tell them that it makes you feel that if you don’t live up to their image of your brilliance that you’re letting them down, going to make them angry, make them love you less - whatever it is you feel.
Tell them that three programs you applied to had an acceptance rate of x% and you were not in that group. Tell them what you’re feeling about that, what you’re considering (other programs), and that you would really just like to vacation with them.
It’s unlikely that their belief in you was meant to translate into your feeling left out of the family because of the vacation.
Try to frame as much of this as “i feel” statements rather than “you are”. Your goal is to be heard by them and ultimately to have a better relationship as a result, not to fight with them.
Really, nothing worse could happen than has already, so while it takes courage to have the conversation, your risk is low.
Fwiw, although I am an older adult now, I had a very difficult mother and fully appreciate the dread you are feeling. I’m wishing the best for you.
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As a parent I can tell you with 100% certainty that there are many many things my kids can tell me that is much much worse than not getting into a summer program.
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Per a previous thread, the OP believes that their parents have already told friends/family that the OP was going to be going to one of these programs.
@coolcats998 — it doesn’t matter what your parents have or haven’t told their friends. That’s on them, not you. And these summer programs are meant to be fun and / or learning experiences for the student. And except for a very very small handful, they don’t help with college admissions. And most are unbelievably competitive.
I hope you can talk with your parents and that they will be supportive of whatever you choose to do with your summer at this point. You said you had a job lined up. Colleges love applicants that have had summer jobs. It shows a lot of maturity and initiative. Hopefully you can also go on the family vacation if you want to.
Please let us know. We are all rooting for you.
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So my son applied to summer programs at University of Michigan in 10th and 11th grades. He got rejected. Guess where he went to school for engineering? Yes, Michigan.
Just be upfront. They need to know it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes, it is what it is.
Find things you like to do. All colleges love kids that get jobs and work. BTW.
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Hello - parent here. While I think you are lovely to think about your parents’ feelings - what they care about more than anything are your feelings. Please share your feelings with them and know that they care about you more than anyone else in the world. If they want you to be the smartest person in the world, it’s because to them you are and always will be #1! Lastly, about summer programs- who cares! Just a handful of people attend these summer programs. Far more apply and attend good colleges. Hang in there, everything works out.
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