I know this may not be the forum for this - and may sound a little off topic. So if you can, I would love a little insight.
Okay, so me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 years. She’s now in her 2nd year of college. She started out at Penn State Altoona, and then just recently transferred to the big Penn State campus (which makes us about 3 hours apart).
When she first told me about it; I’m going to admit, I didn’t feel too comfortable about it because of the notoriety the big campus gets and plus I know it has to be a party school. Especially compared to Altoona, a way smaller branch in the Penn State campus! I can honestly say I felt way better when she was at Altoona.
She’s a good girlfriend, good person and all that other stuff. But I never brought up the whole infidelity thing up to her , because I didn’t want to - and I don’t want her to think I don’t trust her. I know she likes to party , I wouldn’t say she’s a party animal - but she will party from time to time and drink also.
I just want to know (from any of you guys/girls that attend PSU -Univ Park) about how your relationships went while going to this school?
Is the party scene crazy like how a lot of people say?
Have you seen girls do a lot of wild stuff out there?
Is PSU one of those schools I should be worried that my girlfriend attends?
Has your relationship(s) had prosperity and success whilst at such a big school?
Do you think my girl will cheat?
Should we even stay together while she's at Penn state?
Will PSU ruin our relationship?
From experience, what are the chances you think a school like PSU will make her want to cheat ?
I don’t think she is cheating ,but I don’t know! I just don’t have a good feeling about her going to such a big school. I kind of have a gut feeling about something. Because I bet a school that big can change a girls’ whole mindset once she hits campus.
Any advice ? Thanks. Would love to hear from your experiences at PSU , much appreciated !
Why are you asking strangers on the Internet, when you apparently haven’t even had a conversation with the woman about having an exclusive relationship? It isn’t cheating if you have no agreement on this, IMHO. Start by talking with her, not worrying about the college campus she is going to.
If she wanted to cheat on you, she’d do it no matter where she was. It wouldn’t be that hard even at a branch campus.
Almost everyone in the Penn State system moves to University Park. It’s a bit selfish to want her to stay at a branch, what can be effectively a more expensive community college, just so she’s isolated from potential cheating opportunities.
That being said, I have told my boyfriend at his small LAC that if he becomes a drinker we’re done. It’s like smoking to me. I have no interest in that kind of person.
I am assuming you are both about 20. You are still very young and changing. You BOTH need to remain open to the idea that change is going to be a constant in your lives right now. You cannot guarantee that you will be together forever - no one can - but especially at your age, even if you were at the same college there would be temptations and you both would be evolving as people. If you start tyring to control everything, you are heading down a difficult and possibly dangerous path (I mention this because recently at SUNY Geneseo an ex-boyfriend murdered his ex and her new boyfriend). Instead of focusing on whether she’s cheating, you need to focus on your own life and be open to new experiences. To a certain extent, you need to sit back and let the relationship grow (or end) naturally.
I know, thanks. I care about her a lot ! But it’s tough because she goes to a big campus away and I attend a local state college , which makes us about 3.5 hours away .
Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly want the best for her , by all means, I do. I wanted her to go to a school of her choice , as a man I wouldn’t tell her to go to a school closer for the sake of my benefit. But it’s tough , it’s just tough when the suspense gets to you, not knowing what she’s doing , or what she could possibly be doing.
I understand we’re young and in college , and new opportunities and experiences will arrive. I can live with the fact of her being away, finding herself , moving on and potentially finding someone else. I can respect that ! But I can’t deal with the thoughts in my head of possible infidelity that’s being done while we’re in a long distance relationship.
The suspense and thoughts of her cheating is whats worrying me and bothering me the most. …Not so much the possibility of her finding a new boyfriend while away at school. There’s always more fish in the sea, but it’s just tough when you don’t know when you’re being cheating on.
Here’s my 2 cents as a mom who just watched her daughter go through somethinh similar. My daughter is at Penn state Main campus. Her 3 year long boyfriend was at PSU Altoona. Not far at all. About an hour. But he was SO worried about what she was doing all of the time. A nervous wreck. I told him that he was going to be so afraid of losing her that he was going to lose her. And he did. She broke up with him in September after being in different schools for only 3 months. That kind of scrutiny was too difficult and too much pressure for her. She is dating a nice guy on campus now.
It was traumatic and heartbreaking for everyone involved, especially him because I believe he truly loved her.but no one can live up to that much pressure in college to not do anything that might upset the other, especially if everything upset them. My daughter isn’t a partier, but even being out late with guys that were friends was an issue.
So you either trust her and let her live her life and you come together when you are able,or you take a break for a while.
I’ll tell you that same thing I told my daughters bf that I loved like he was one of my kids, you will lose her if you put too much pressure on her. No one can live up to that. Especially at 19.
Good luck. I know it’s tough!
Trust is an important part of every relationship will you will ever have. Loving someone requires some vulnerability. Will your trust be betrayed? Who knows but that is the risk you take to be in a healthy relationship. Everyone faces heartbreak sometime but it is important to learn how to do deal with that possibility. Trying to control someone or control the situation will not lead to a healthy relationship. I really think you need to focus less on the security of this relationship for both of your sakes. You cannot guarantee you will never be hurt and I think you need to recognize that and mature a little bit before you place such high expectations on another person.