<p>I agree with (almost) everyone: this is a great way to ease out of your mother’s house, and a great price.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t start by asserting boundaries that assume that the woman wants to be your second mother or pry into your life: that’s kind of insulting to her. I would instead ask about guidelines around use of the kitchen and laundry facilities (hours, for example), having friends over, and impersonal stuff like that. You might suggest that it would be simpler for both of you if you got a minifridge to put in your part of the basement.</p>
<p>I am very concerned about your mother, though. From what you say, she really needs medical help. I think that you will need to exercise discretion in what you say about your mother to your landlady, since they work for the same employer. You do not want whispers that she is unstable going around her workplace. (Although frankly, I would be surprised if her friends there were not worried about her already!)</p>
<p>Since I mentioned 2nd mom, I didn’t mean asserting, fearing or assuming. More like “realizing” that both OP and the teacher have some leeway to define how this works to their mutual advantage. It’s not like living with an aunt or even a host family, where it can necessarily get personal. Same as I’d tell my girls. </p>
<p>Thanks so much for all your help!! I will definitely talk to her about all the details when I meet with her this week. I don’t even know when I’d be moving in or what I’d exactly need to bring besides clothes and stuff, so I’ll have to start getting organized. </p>
<p>In regards to my mom, she really is unstable, but I don’t know how to help her… Basically, her life revolves around me and she likes to live through me/show me off. I found some notes she wrote to herself about my recent accomplishments and upcoming activities, and though it’s natural for parents to want to get their kids’ stories right, it rubbed me as obsessive and creepy because she was blowing all of the things out of proportion just to probably make herself look good. She always refers to my accomplishments as a feather in HER cap because I’m her daughter, and growing up she always enforced that I needed to be perfectly sweet, smart, and kind in school because everything I did was a reflection of her and would get back to her since she worked in the district. </p>
<p>I could go on and on with examples of her controlling actions, but the fact is that I finally realized it’s not right. I shouldn’t feel smothered and trapped all the time, and I shouldn’t feel guilty for leaving my house just because my mom wants me to stay in with her. I’m 20 years old and it’s already getting too late for me to just enjoy life and have fun. </p>
<p>There’s another teacher friend of hers with whom I’m also close, and she’s been trying to help. She called my mom when I was away and supported her with the depression meds, so I think I’ll call her up and talk to her about the recent turn of events. </p>
<p>It’s just hard because my mom literally does not talk to anyone except family and co-workers, so everyone I could talk to is directly involved in her daily life. </p>
<p>She can still talk about you and make you the center of her life, albeit from a greater distance. This sounds like a great opportunity to get some personal space, without having to upset her by telling her why. The ability to be closer to school at a very cheap price is an excellent reason.</p>
<p>This is a GREAT move and 20 is a WONDERFUL age to start having some time and space of your own. You are NOT old, but it is indeed time for you to have a bit more independence and your mom to work on her own health and other issues without you feeling it is something that you are responsible for. Hopefully your mom has a therapist that can help her with her health and depression issues and may help her figure out how to have her own life as well.</p>
<p>To clarify, when I said above “it would be difficult,” I meant it would be a difficult situation, as I expect your mother to say negative things as it gets closer to the actual date to moving to the rental. I never, ever intended to say it would be difficult for you to be pleasant. You seem like you are always positive and always pleasant.</p>
<p>I just reread my post and realized I had a misplaced modifier/phrase. My apologies for my lack of clear writing. </p>
<p>Great idea. In regards to the housing situation, it is probably a good idea NOT to bring friends over to the house. Meet on campus, meet in local restaurants or student center. This nice lady is doing you a big favor by providing you an inexpensive space - and I am willing to bet that she does not want folks she doesn’t know in her house. Keep it as your refuge, and hang out with friends on campus!</p>
<p>jumping in here, I’d suggest getting a PO box if you get anything important in the mail. You wouldn’t want anything important getting mixed up in your landlady’s mail and I’m sure you don’t wanted to be forced to visit your mom just to get your mail.</p>
<p>This sounds ideal, to me. One thing you should realize is that you are likely helping out this teacher with her mortgage, so you don’t need to walk on eggshells around her. It’s a mutually beneficial business transaction. All you need is courtesy and clear communication about expectations. I say this only because your mother is a narcissist and children of narcissists are used to treading lightly around them, but with normal, functioning adults, you don’t need to do this.</p>
<p>Sounds like a great next step. Again, you can’t do enough asking about rules and expectations. From how loud your music is, what are the quiet hours, are you allowed to have guests over, if so how many and during what hours? </p>
<p>Having overnight guests is probably not a good idea in this situation, and I would suggest treating your landlord as you would a boss. Be polite, respectful, share shallow conversation about sports teams, traffic, weather, etc. but don’t open up like you would to a college friend.</p>
<p>At this point, don’t feel you have to be honest with your mom about why you are moving out. Let her adjust to the reality of this next step. It does seem that she needs to get connected with resources for helping her with her own issues. Maybe you can make inquiries for the appropriate counseling center or church group?</p>
<p>Agree that it is good if you are able to have guests over, to study or just chat, as you would with any other living situation that a normal young adult would have. Overnight guests would not be a good idea, but otherwise it seems quite reasonable to me that one would be able to have guests. Agree also not to go in depth about things but good to have general conversations as you would with a boss or other person you casually know.</p>
<p>I wasn’t thinking guests as much as refrig space, how she feels about you using the kitchen or laundry, any sharing a bathroom/cleaning it or some tasks like when to take your own trash out. To me, it’s a wee bit different when you have a room in someone’s home versus a separate entry unit. </p>
<p>At 100$ a month, you are not helping her pay off the mortgage! You are barely covering the extra water/water heating/ wear and tear/electricity. She is doing this to help you out! Don’t invite friends over and don’t ask to invite friends over. </p>
<p>I haven’t read the entire thread, but thought I’d share my experience. I took a job that was 70 miles from my home so I rented the spare bedroom from the friend of a friend during the week for the two years I worked there. I had my own room, and we shared the one full bath in the house and the kitchen. It was perfect for my situation. I paid her $500 a month, so $100 a month sounds great!! She and I wound up becoming good roommates, and I enjoyed her company very much. I had my own shelves in the fridge, and she and I generally kept different schedules. But when we were home at the same time, it was very pleasant.</p>