<p>Sharing something my DIL does when changes are about to occur around the autistic child: she uses her computer to write a “social story,” very much like a storyboard cartoon, printed out hard-copy. </p>
<p>First frame would show the computer in place with dad and son normally around it. Next frame shows whatever will happen next in the future that child will see (e.g., son goes to sleep. son wakes up and desk is empty…) and where each key character is located as it happens. Stick figures can stand for the dad and son, or anyone coming to the door, for example. By the end of the story, the computer is restored again and sitting back on the desk, looking much like the first frame, caption: “The computer is fixed.”</p>
<p>Pages are stapled together, one frame per page, and read aloud like a storybook. Captions are just a few words so they stay the same each retelling. In this story and with his age, I’m not sure if it should show what happens to the computer while son is asleep, or not – because I’m not a Spec Ed/ABA teacher like my DIL is, so I don’t know that fine point.</p>
<p>Then she (therapist) and the parent reread the story many times in advance, reciting with the child what will happen in the near future. So when it does happen in fact, parent and child have a framework to refer back to and say the same words. This apparently reduces anxiety. </p>
<p>It is another thing you might do to help the dad and son – or if they have a therapist, ask her to write a “Social Story” for them titled: “Dad fixes our computer” or something similar. Even if there’s no therapist, this is a DIY.</p>
<p>The son has his own computer, but he loves to fight his dad over the family PC because it’s faster/newer and more importantly, because it is his dad’s. The father said it was some sort of a power play issue or something. Did I mention that in that household, the son is the one effectively running things while the father has no effective control?</p>
<p>Don’t know…but I doubt providing a second computer for the S would work in light of that and the fact he’s had a history of destroying previous computers of his/fathers.</p>
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<p>Said friend isn’t a part of my extended family and I won’t presume to make a serious imposition on my extended family to provide help for him in this situation. </p>
<p>Especially considering most would feel I am already going out of my way by even considering helping him and most would be telling me to decline providing the help due to the troubles/drama I may be letting myself in for.</p>
<p>I feel bad for the father. However you stated you are a casual friend. There are times that you have to look at your own safety first. Since it looks like there isn’t a way to look at the computer without the son being present I would suggest that you decline to help.</p>
<p>Is the family in question unable to get “respite care”, i.e. someone to stay with the boy occasionally to give the dad a break?</p>
<p>In any event, if the computer is to be out of the house for repair, it should not be taken while the son is asleep. Autistic people hate surprises. If the computer is taken away, the son should be carefully prepared, whether by a “social story” or some other means.</p>
<p>This is an easy one, it is very clear cut. You just need to move beyond the peripheral crap and get to the solution. Easy, that is, for someone who is not involved.</p>
<p>Forget all the particulars, problems, what ifs, guilt, feeling sorry for the family, that you feel bad turning down a request for a favor, all of it. The reality is, you don’t want to become involved with this family. You don’t want to be the person everyone goes to for computer help, especially for free. This could be very time consuming, and you probably will be unable to fix it anyways, with all those issues. Then you might feel pressured to put in a motherboard, and who will pay for that? Unlikely this will end up with a fixed computer, with a minimum of time involved, and no other requests. You will be the go to man for free computer repair for this family, and will get a call every time there’s something wrong with a computer.</p>
<p>If this is a newer computer, there should be a warranty involved, and it really isn’t your worry how it gets back to the store. If it’s an older computer with these problems, it’s probably not even worth them paying for it to be investigated, they need a new one. PC’s cost next to nothing nowadays. Unlikely you will be able to fix it without major component repairs, so sorry, unable.</p>
<p>Oh, this is so sad. I don’t see how you can help this family under the circumstances. But my heart goes out to them. I hope this man can get some help for his son and for himself.</p>
<p>FYI, most consumer-level computers sold have a standard warranty of one year unless one purchases an extended warranty or uses a credit card offering extended warranties like AMEX. </p>
<p>Of course, the extended warranty requires an extra outlay of cash someone not everyone…especially those at the margins have and the latter requires one to possess decent credit to obtain the credit card. Both things the father lacks. </p>
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<p>For you and me, true. </p>
<p>For someone at the economic margins like him, even a budget consumer desktop is a major cost to absorb after expenses for caring for the son and basics. Not to mention that oftentimes buying a budget consumer computer may end up being a pennywise pound foolish decision due to poor QC from the factory/build quality combined with a limited short standard warranty of only one year. </p>
<p>Something I’ve witnessed as someone who has done component replacements/repair work for both individual home users and small/medium sized businesses over the years. </p>
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<p>Agreed. My natural inclination is to actually decline. </p>
<p>I am interested to see if there’s any ethical/moral or social feelings based arguments against that inclination from parents/posters here. </p>
<p>Thank you and every poster here for your feedback.</p>
<p>I agree with NJTheatre…the father needs a break. Also, it sounds like the son is becoming too much for the father to handle, it might be time for the father to look for an alternative placement. If the father cannot guarantee your safety then that is a deal breaker. The father, however desperate, should not expect anyone to take such a risk!</p>
<p>I know just how EXTREMELY complicated it has been for us to locate support services for our DD with special needs.</p>
<p>This family sounds in desperate need of therapy and respite.
Do you know if the father has been able to apply for resources that could help with sons challenging behavior?</p>
<p>This is so very sad. It sounds like the time has come for Dad to admit defeat and get the son out of the house. You could tell the Dad that you are scared of the son’s violent behavior and that if he makes a violent move towards you that you will call 911. Perhaps that would help the Dad to see that his current situation is untenable.</p>
<p>When you boil everything down, it really does come to this. The boy is seriously dangerous, and it’s not fair of the father, who I’m sure is well aware by now of the physical risks his son poses, to ask such a thing. Their circumstances are indeed very sad, but this father’s problems go far beyond the need to fix a computer. It’s entirely beyond your purview to be of help at this time. Really, it is. Any computer that comes into that house is at immediate risk of serious damage, so what good will it do to fix the one in question? What needs fixing is apparently not being addressed. The help this father truly needs cannot possibly come from you. And that’s the sad bottom line.</p>
<p>1) Go late at night when the kid is sleeping and remove the computer to fix it.
2) Use keyboard/monitor/usb extenders to put the computer in a physically secure location. Cheaper to replace those parts than the whole thing. Some extenders work over ethernet cables.</p>
<p>I would build an LCD monitor into the wall, and put it behind plexiglass.</p>
<p>You can get a new computer for a few hundred bucks. Many times a lot cheaper than trying to fix an old computer.</p>
<p>Those suggestions are impractical for the following reasons:</p>
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<li><p>The kid stays up late when school’s out to the point the father can’t even start preparing to sleep until 2 am at the earliest. Not to mention the size/layout of the apartment will mean I will inevitably wake him up when I come in and prepare to take the computer out. </p></li>
<li><p>The apartment layout/size also means there’s no real place for a secured location for the computer.</p></li>
<li><p>The LCD monitor into the wall is impractical because like many NYC rentals, their landlord won’t allow for it and will use it as justification to attempt to evict them out of their rent-controlled/ apartment should he find out. I should also mention the landlord-tenant relationship here’s pretty poor at best on account of the son and the fact they’re one of the rent-controlled tenants in the building.</p></li>
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<p>Cobrat - You now have three pages of the best free advice available anywhere. Time to get down to cases. If it wasn’t you offering this family assistance, but instead it was the person you love most in the world, what advice would YOU give that loved one?</p>
<p>I want to thank everyone again for their postings. They have been helpful in solidifying my decision. I haven’t replied back to him yet on account of Father’s day and work. </p>
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<p>If it was my children, especially if under 18, I’d strongly urge them to decline for the sake of their own safety and liability concerns. Those concerns include the possibility of hassles from dealing with cops should a violent incident happen and possibly even an arrest record should the father take the son’s side. </p>
<p>Even if this involved a family member, I’d only advise helping if he/she can gather other extended family members into a mutually supportive team so they can watch over/hang out with the parents and kid with violent tendencies while I do my thing. Else, I’d also strongly advise him/her to decline.</p>
<p>One reason for my posting was because I was especially interested in hearing arguments from those of the school that one should disregard all this…including self-preservation of one’s safety/liability concerns to help because of the constraints and issues the father and his family are going through.</p>
<p>The safest time it SOUNDS like to remove the computer IF it is really something that YOU believe you should and WANT to do would be while the violent child is elsewhere, whether that is at school or somewhere else. The prior pages talk about how the father could prepare the young man for the removal of the computer, but the other problems will NOT improve until and unless this young man gets a lot more help than repairing a computer can possibly bring.</p>
<p>Good luck to you – I hope you find a solution you are comfortable with. I am sorry you are being asked to try to attempt such a task and cannot believe fixing the computer (if it is repairable) will resolve much in that household for the reasons you have posted.</p>