<p>Inspired by the New Job, New City thread I thought I’d ask the parents.</p>
<p>I think I’m going to resign from my job for the following reasons
major IT problems have been causing stress for months;
-the office is more and more understaffed which adds to the pressure;
-I have been so stressed my hair is falling out and I wake up in the middle of the night and cry my heart out;
-I used to love, love, love my job but now it makes me unhappy at least 50% of days;
-one partner of the firm is very bullying towards me (and other subordinates);
-I feel like the ethos of the firm has changed and I don’t fit in (I have been told I am too 'nice’but not 100% clear on the meaning of that);
-crying at work(!);
-I feel frightened to go to work and have panic attacks;
-my physician told me to quit for the sake of my mental and physical health;
-there is no future for me in the firm. All the partners are quite young. No space for me to ever be one.</p>
<p>So I should quit, right?</p>
<p>The problem is, I feel hugely guilty!!!</p>
<p>This is my first job out of college and my boss trained me. He is a bit oblivious (though I have repeatedly tried to talk to him about the stress! He told me when he was my age he worked till 1am every night. Am I supposed to be impressed? I just think that’s stupid) and I think he will be shocked and probably quite hurt if I resign. Also, it will be difficult to replace me, and me leaving will put my team under even worse pressure. </p>
<p>I do like most of the people I work with. It will be an awful wrench to leave them behind. I suspect working my 3 months notice (yes 3whole months! Normal in my industry in the UK) will be very painful. Also, my boss and co-workers were very kind to me when 7 members of my family died in 2010. I feel evil and disloyal for even contemplating leaving them. But I am SO UNHAPPY! But what if leaving makes things worse? </p>
<p>I live thousands of miles from any family so I have no-one to advise me. Do you have any thoughts parents? I really don’t want to hurt anyone who has been kind to me and invested in me, but it feels inevitable.</p>
<p>Just writing this down makes me feel a bit better.</p>
<p>Take a deep breath. You are being reflective about your situation and that is a good thing. As a manager, I am always thrilled when an employee can move on to another job knowing I helped develop them. And that is how you should approach leaving your current position if you decide to. Thank them for all their support and training. You are ready to move your career forward and that means moving on. It’s ok. You can remain in contact with those that you want to. Prior to leaving though, ensure you have thought through your next steps. You will be ok and they will be ok. Good luck.</p>
<p>It is easier to get a job if you have a job. Update your resume with your current accomplishments and start networking. Have a 30 second summary of what you can do and what you are looking for and tell everyone you know, including family that is far away. Most new job come from connections. </p>
<p>Then continue to let your boss know what your career goals are. No one is really expected to stay in the jobs long term anymore. If you are communicating with him, then if you have a new offer it really won’t be a surprise. You simply let him know that although you appreciate all that he has done, the new job is a better fit for your career advancement. Also do try to take care of your health. Make sure you are eting right, staying hydrated , gettting some exercise and do try to get enough sleep even when it is hard. Hugs {{{{}}}} and rooting for you.</p>
<p>Cupcake- There is no reason to feel guilty. You need to do what is right for you. Your boss will understand and actually it doesn’t matter if he does or does not. When it comes to a job, if you are that unhappy all that matters is that you take care of yourself. Remember the job market is tough. Hopefully you have saved some money to support yourself until you find something else but it truly sounds like it is time to put your resume together, start networking and move forward.</p>
<p>I agree with the posts above. No reason to feel guilty, be politely frank w/the boss who trained you. You are young. Staying in a job you hate, and don’t seem to feel the circumstances will improve is not good for the health.</p>
<p>If this job is making you physically ill, it’s beyond time to leave.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear that you lost seven members of your family in 2010. I wonder if part of your reaction to difficulties at work is a delayed reaction to your tremendous loss.</p>
<p>cupcake, good luck to you. This is a tough place to be in this economy. It is hard to leave a job, without another one lined up. Are you in an industry where it will be manageable for you to find another position? If it is harming your health, and you can swing being unemployed, then it sounds like the best thing for you. No one should have to wake up in the middle of the night crying, that is just too much!</p>
<p>Crying in the middle of the night AND at work are clear signals that you need a break. Good luck in finding your new job and working through your three month notice. Possibly some personal or sick leave can give you a bit if a break and perhaps time to regroup. Take care!</p>
<p>“I have been so stressed my hair is falling out and I wake up in the middle of the night and cry my heart out”</p>
<p>This means you need to quit before you have serious health problems. Taking care of yourself is first priority, and absolutely not to your boss and your co-workers, it is to yourself and your future children, to keep yourself healthy. The company will survive without you, absolutely forget any guilt, totally take that out of the equation. There are other jobs out there that you will love. If people are playing on your emotions to make you feel guilty, shame on them, they are not looking out for your best interests.</p>
<p>If you read what you wrote, thinking about it like it was someone else and not you…of course you’d say to quit! Just disconnect yourself from the situation emotionally, and logically think about what will keep you healthy and happy.</p>
<p>I quit a very precious job (1/2 time job share) for two reasons: I felt it was unethical that I could not see clients, children even, for 3-4 weeks out (therapist), and because one evening I sobbed at a stop light. Sobbing at a stop light made me understand that whatever my other feelings were things needed to change. Life went on and I sometimes wonder if I should have been less --really, less caring, less involved and so on. But even at those moments I know that I could not have kept on.
If you do not have a therapist I suggest you get one. Then live with the idea that you are leaving for a month. Then do whatever it is that is right for you. Understand that there will always be some regrets but if the future is better than what is going on–well, that is just life.</p>
<p>I have a years salary in the bank so I could survive unemployment.</p>
<p>A couple of years ago a partner of my firm left and set up a rival firm (about two streets from my house). I know he is hiring, so I think I will call him on Monday. I think he will take me on. My current boss will be even more upset if I join this rival! </p>
<p>It is 7.53am and I can barely get out of bed. I used to be in the office now, keen and raring to go. I know I cannot go on like this. I just feel like a bad person for deserting people who helped me at my lowest time.</p>
<p>I suspect your employer did not promise lifetime employment until your retirement or death. I suspect you did not promise your employer you’d work there until retirement or death. It isn’t a life sentence in prison.
You owe your employer a fair notice of when you’ll be resigning, perhaps with a thank you for your employment there. Better off not to give a reason why you’re leaving in case you ever need to go back for employment, advice, references, anything.
That’s all you owe.</p>
<p>^ Good post. People change jobs all the time. It’s not personal; it’s business. This is your first time so some of your angst is understandable. But changing jobs is normal and there is no need for you to feel guilty whatsoever. You’re not a serf after all. Do what’s right for you.</p>
<p>It also sounds like you’ve been there a while and provided valuable service to them. You have repaid them for their training by your good and hard work. For your health, you MUST move on, the sooner the better.</p>
<p>Often times when you begin to make a change you start to feel better immediately. As soon as you decide you are leaving and begin to move towards finding another job I think you will already start to feel better.</p>
<p>Agree with others that there is no longer any expectation of loyalty in the business world. They hire you to do a job and you do it. They can let you go at anytime. You can leave at any time. You should know about the right amount of time to give notice.</p>
<p>As soon as companies dropped pensions there was no longer any reason for employees to stay. Is your 401K vested? You might want to check.</p>
<p>I applaud you for being ready to make a change. I hope the other company hires you. Make sure you get try to get some time off between jobs! You need a break.</p>
<p>One tip: although your current boss will ask you why you are leaving, he doesn’t really want to know. Give general answers about needing a change of scenery, “it just seemed to be the right time,” etc.</p>
<p>I walked away from my job on Wall Street in April and haven’t looked back. Since then I’ve lost 25 pounds and am happy. I’m now on the board of 2 non-profits, one very local, the other regional and very involved. I’m also starting up the Sandy-relife effort at my church. (Yes, there’s still lots of work to do) and am getting ready to launch a consulting business to assist non-profits with financial and investment management. </p>
<p>I used to sit at my desk at work and say ‘I hate my life’. I would come home and yell at everyone and not have time for anything and say as I fell asleep ‘I hate my life’. </p>
<p>Everyone was shocked when I walked away, however my mantra is ‘life is too short to be miserable’. In the 18 months leading up to my departure, I had 10 people close to me die, most of which were unexpected; 47-52yr olds dropping over from heart attacks or strokes. </p>
<p>One of these was close friend died in January after a long battle with melanoma. He knew how miserable I was and saw first hand how my employer treated me during hurricane when I couldn’t get to NYC, had no power, but worked at his dining room table from 7-7 every day. We had long talks during that time of how his battle got him to focus on what was important in life and not regret or waste a single minute. </p>
<p>Life is too short to regret your decisions. If you are truly miserable, find another path.</p>
<p>The only good thing about working in a horrible environment with a terrible boss is you learn to appreciate it when you find a great boss at a good firm. At least that was my experience. The really bad ones try to make you feel guilty and imply that it’s all about you not being good enough (too nice??) or not doing your job right. It’s their responsibility to retain employees (especially those that might be hard to replace). It is certainly not your obligation to stay and put up with their crap.</p>
<p>You will feel so much better when you leave, and even better when you find the right place. Of course you will wonder why you stuck around as long as you did.</p>
<p>I would mention stress as the reason I was leaving. You might even be able to take a leave of absence or file a disability claim. Is it possible that you might just need a good break of 6 months or so? Have you sought medical advice in case depression is part of this (depression from everything not just from work)? Maybe a break is all you need. I suggest documenting your state of mind in case it continues at a new job and you still need a leave of absence. I know people do this, but no idea of the ins and outs or ramifications. </p>
<p>I know several ladies who take what I call happy pills. One is Serafem. Something to do with hormones. Might be worth checking with your doc.</p>