Responisbilities of Paying when You Have More

Paying for College
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<p>I want to make it very clear that I am not even implying that it is more difficult to have MORE income/assets than less. I don’t believe that an instant and would move very quickly to LESS if that were the case, as I have often suggested to those who complain about those eligible for large amounts of financial aid. I am very grateful that we are not eligible for aid.</p>

<p>I am writing this post in answer to questions many ask as to how and why those who should have the money don’t. Many of the students who are from families who are truly struggling financially have out and out said that they don’t get it how anyone making 6 figures is not able to afford college for their kids. We’ve jumped on those who have posted saying they can’t pay for college, or the parents can’t pay for college and the EFCs are up there. </p>

<p>I wrote about this in the unexpected expenses post as well. I am venting because for some inexplicable reason (again), we’ve been hit with some major expenses. Yes, we are fortunate to be in the position of having these as expenses as they are luxuries for most people . However, when you have these expenses, and you have the ability to pay for them, you gotta pay them, which then divests you from that amount of money, no paltry amounts. </p>

<p>We’ve had a long run of few dental problems until my MIL and mother had to come live with us. We’ve squared away their teeth, pretty much. Then this year both DH and college son, lost a filling, and we are in cap and root canal territory for them. I have had a “watch and see” condition on an already capped molar that had an ancient precursor to a root canal fix more than 45 years ago, and has not gotten an abscess in it that is not resolving. Oral surgery, going in through a cap and major work, major money. </p>

<p>We are fortunate to have the money to address these situation with the best that dentistry has to offer. Otherwise DH and I would be in dentures in the next few years like our mothers. Our mothers would be toothless if left to their meager pension checks, and I’ve seen many people in these situations. Because we can afford to do so, we fixed their teeth and are now going to fix ours. To the tune of thousands of dollars. Yes, we have a choice, but to me, if you have the money, it really isn’t much of a choice. You deal with the health issues first. 10% off at this dentist if you pay up front. So, yes, we are paying and that is a big chunk of change.</p>

<p>Also we have a hazardous condition with trees in our yard and an unsightly one in that our “fence” of trees has a gap where one tree is dying. To fix that along the property line–and our neighbor is most anxious as they have put the house on the market, means buying a mature tree to fit in with those other “soldiers”. The big trees have to be cut down as someone can be hurt, even killed, if branches fall or something knocks the trees down. They should also be replaced, though we aren’t going to be able to do that this year, and if we do, it will be with less expensive saplings.</p>

<p>MIL needs a ramp and a handrail to go down our front porch. Her health and mobility have degenerated so that she cannot get out of the house fast or without help without those. She’s a heavy woman, and we need safe goods which will be expensive. </p>

<p>Our dry well is clogged which is why our yard is retaining too much water. Don’t know when we’ll address this. Need lights along the walk way as it is not safe–just tripped myself this week and my mother is scared to death to walk it after dark. </p>

<p>Car issues. We have a junker and it is bordering on needing to be replaced. Needed tires rotated and two new ones. Over 200K miles on this baby. We have one car.</p>

<p>We all should get eye exams, new glasses and contact lenses. My lenses are all scratched up and Costco doesn’t carry the frame anymore so I can’t just get the lenses even if they would replace them without a check up which they won’t.</p>

<p>The list goes on. As you can afford more, you are expected to afford more and expected to give more as well, back to community, family, neighborhood. That is why many of us who have ample incomes find ourselves still strapped.</p>

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<p>cptofthehouse, Thank you for posting. It’s so easy to pass judgment based on limited information, like an EFC number. No one really knows what anyones life is like and what other expenses they may have, like taking care of family members etc.</p>

<p>anyway, I appreciate compassion and kindness and know that when someone posts a question on CC they expect the same. Sometimes the best answer is simply just that… answer the question WITHOUT being scolded or judged.</p>

3

<p>I’ve come to conclusion in year 6 of college tuition payments that it’s all ying yang. We started this process with frugal living and savings while peers took on loans, or tapped home equity and went on their merry way…while our cars aged and we didn’t replace kitchens. I suspect at the end of the next 6 years (when the last graduates college) we will have very little in savings outside of the 401k/IRA stuff BUT we won’t have loans that need to pay off. We’re be “really done.” On that day I will be in the Cafe toasting everyone! The tortoise and the hare, the ying and the yang.</p>

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<p>They are indeed luxuries for most people. Another luxury is an expensive, live-away-from-home college for your kids. I guess you have to choose your luxuries, and as long as the luxuries you choose don’t hurt other people or damage the environment, no one should sit in judgment.</p>

<p>But I think what sets some of us off is the post that complains about not being able to pile yet another luxury - the expensive live-away-from-home-at-prestigious-college experience - on top of all the existing luxuries, without giving any of them up - and then going on to complain about how those of us down around the median income mark have it so much better off, and how unfair that all is.</p>

5

<p>We take regular care of teeth, but had three root canals in the past 12 months and now a cracked tooth. The one working family car is old, the furnace is well past anyone’s predictions and the dog needs surgery. And more. These things happen at any income/asset level. When they hit a mid- or low-EFC family, they are stuck with delay or do without. There’s not much to tap into. So, I’d add here that we should also show understanding to those people- not all of them are out there with the SUVs and vacations.</p>

<p>I don’t complain much about our situation- it is what it is and we’ve got loans, but have been as smart about monthly finances and discretionary choices as possible. We count our blessings. </p>

<p>But, yes, when the better off folks whine (I mean, whine,) they can get jumped on. Remember the long thread last year where some argued you just can’t live on a top 5% income? What with the expenses of living in a high rent district, private schools, new cars, maid service and more? Yikes.</p>

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<p>I think part of the issue is that when you live with luxuries for a long time - especially those who grew up in homes with lots of luxuries - you come to regard them as necessities. You can’t imagine not buying a new car when you get tired of the perfectly serviceable one you’re driving. You can’t imagine not joining the pricey health club instead of the Y. You can’t imagine not accepting the dentist’s complete list of recommended work without investigating what is really needed or looking for a cheaper dentist. You can’t imagine buying your clothes at Walmart (or Goodwill!) instead of Neiman Marcus. And then you can’t imagine telling your beloved child, “I’m sorry, honey, I know you’ve worked real hard and all your friends are going to prestigious colleges, but we can’t afford it and will have to send you to the state university.”</p>

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<p>What is your point? Middle-class and working-class people face the same sorts of problems and costs - unexpected dental work, housing utility failure, needing modifications for illness or disability, having car issues, getting eye exams. Nothing you mentioned are problems that are exclusive to the upper-middle-class or are things that middle-class and working-class families aren’t expected to pay. So if that’s all you’re coming up with, then middle- and lower-income families are paying for the same things you are, we just have less disposable income to do it with.</p>

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<p>Some of us have managed to survive without lighted walks, the “best that dentistry has to offer,” and buying and planting mature trees. Don’t know how I’ve managed …</p>

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<p>Some of us skimp by shopping “sale days” at Goodwill and not even joining the Y. ;)</p>

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<p>At least you’re aware of what you have. It really irks me when middle income whine and suggest that poor people have it better, that the system is unfair, etc. The problems that we have fall into the category of enviable problems.</p>

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<p>Just as irksome are those who whine about schools that don’t offer as much financial aid as they feel they need.</p>

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<p>One year I assigned a journal entry on disappointment. A student of mine wrote about a Christmas when they had nothing so “Santa” brought sample soaps and shampoo from the hotel where his mom worked as a maid. </p>

<p>“no new cars, no vacations, no eating out” are popular refrains around here. That these things are even ours to give up make us vastly wealthy. I feel sympathy for anyone struggling to pay bills, but will admit to being one of those who doesn’t “get” the idea that someone with a high income can’t save for college. I try, however, to keep feelings out of the mix when answering questions.</p>

13

<p>lol, cpt, we have a running balance with our dentist that we pay on in $50 and $100 blurbs, but which never seems to go away altogether. Just when it’s low enough that I can pay the balance off, someone goes in for something else. If we hadn’t been patients there for 20+ years, we’d probably get thrown under the bus.</p>

<p>These days, the thing that’s getting us is the price of gas.</p>