<p>Its a tough situation and one I am sure that the parents arent delighted by either. </p>
<p>Depending on how “nice” the place is, they may have a speed of service that just doesnt work for how long kids that age can sit still. I have spent a <em>lot</em> of time walking kids around the outside parking lot to keep them moving until dinner is delivered. And then walking around while everyone else finishes. I am so glad those days are over. I now delight on those occasions when the waitress says “who’s paying” or “one check or two” when I am out with my oldest son. There is no danger of him paying mind you, but I still feel its quite an accomplishment to have gotten to him to this point given that I probably didnt eat a meal with the use of both hands and without rushing for nearly 10 years. </p>
<p>As for what you do- say something like “oh my they have a lot of energy” to the parents. They get the message. If the noisy group is near us I sometimes try to help- like asking the kid what the name of his robot is or what toy he is zooming on the table.</p>
<p>We were at a favorite upscale breakfast place, and there were twins around age 3 who kept running around, and the mom and her friend with a little baby sleeping in a carrier couldn’t be bothered to interrupt their chatting as the twins careened around the restaurant. Twice within 5 minutes the manager brought the children back to the table.</p>
<p>Wouldn’t you know it? One of the twins ran away again, and smacked into a waitress coming from the kitchen with a heavy tray full of fresh breakfasts–girl twin knocked her so hard that the tray flew, and several people had hot food dumped all over them.</p>
<p>Finally got the mom’s attention. Of course, her darling little snowflake could not be blamed…</p>
<p>I hate unruly kids anywhere and it seems as if they are everywhere anymore. Please, if you cannot parent responsibly, do not breed. Our school does not have an auditorium, only the high school bleachers. School music concerts were painful. Really, you don’t notice little Johnny is screaming and kicking the person in front of you…for 2 hours?</p>
<p>Ugh. I can relate to this. Two summers ago some friends made reservations at a fancy-ish restaurant for my birthday. It’s the kind of place I would only have taken my kids over a certain age, and only if they were dressed nicely and told to use their “queen’s manners” (they would know what that meant). My friends, who are a childless gay couple and not especially fond of children in general, had asked SPECIFICALLY to be seated “away from kids.” We were for the beginning of our meal, but then all of a sudden a family came in and was seated right by us. The kids, two boys about 7 and 9, were dressed in t-shirts and shorts and looked sweaty, as if they had just come from baseball practice. It turns out that the family were friends with the restaurant owners, so the wait staff knew them and proceeded to ignore us once they arrived. The chef even came out to see how their meal was, but never turned to look at us. The kids were like monkeys, climbing all over a low wall near the tables and squirming and being otherwise annoying. One of my friends went back to the hostess to complain, politely, and the hostess told him to “deal with it” or move to another table (and also mentioned that this family was “special” since they knew the owners). Our server was SO rude too, visiting the family’s table but completely neglecting us the rest of our meal.</p>
<p>A day after the incident, I wrote a very detailed and calmly worded letter to the restaurant explaining what had happened. I fully expected either a) no response or b) an apology (potentially accompanied by a gesture such as a gift certificate to get us to come back). Instead, a few weeks later I got a THREE-PAGE, single-spaced letter defending what had happened and making excuse after excuse for the behavior of the staff. There was no apology. I was speechless.</p>
<p>It took me almost two years to go back. I was furious.</p>
<p>Wow! I’m surprised you ever went back. I defend servers to the death, normally, but this might have been a rare instance where a withheld tip was truly warranted.</p>
<p>Maybe some parents don’t realize it but they usually actually ‘train’ the kids to behave this way. They start out way young going to McDonalds, Burger King, etc. so they can go play in the on-restaurant playground - often running back and forth to the table taking bites of food in between playing on the equipment.</p>
<p>They then graduate to Chuck E Cheese where again, they have their playground and run back and forth.</p>
<p>Some parents love this because the kid is entertained and happy and the parent can not have to discipline the kid or fault them for poor behavior.</p>
<p>Then… they go to a normal restaurant. Of course the kids don’t want to sit in a seat for 45-90 minutes and they’re already expecting to be able to run back and forth in restaurants so after a couple of minutes they’re up and running and playing. And by now I think some of these parents have come to consider the behavior ‘normal’ as well and barely notice kid and actually enjoy the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ aspect. </p>
<p>It’s just not that hard to train the kid to be well behaved and actually pay attention to the kid. If one’s not willing to do this, just like if they’re not willing to pay the bill or pay the tip, then they shouldn’t go to the restaurant. If one has a kid with issues such that they simply can’t conform to normal restaurant behavior despite the attentiveness of the parents, then they shouldn’t go to that restaurant.</p>
<p>I got into an ugly altercation w an oblivious, obnoxious mom at a hair salon.</p>
<p>She came into the salon w her young child (I guessing around 4-5 yrs old) and the maid/nanny. While the mom was having her stuff done, the kid ran around the room screaming and grabbing large pebbles in the Zen display and throwing them on the floor: Crack! Crack! Crack! The mother & the maid did nothing, and all the customers (male & female) looked embarassed. The owner of the salon looked helpless. </p>
<p>When the kid got behind my chair and was shreiking, I finally turned around and bellowed at the kid, “THAT IS ENOUGH!!!” Then the mother got all huffy and told me I had no right to speak to her kid that way. Well, I lost it, and told that woman that we’ve all had to endure her little brat screaming for nigh an hour and that she sucked as a mom. The salon is not a playground, and her useless maid should take the brat out in the mall to walk around if the kid was so full of energy.</p>
<p>Man, did that lady leave in a huff… The salon owner thanked me quietly.</p>
<p>It takes a village. I love when people speak up. Today I had to tell a couple standing in a driveway that it was illegal to park crossing the sidewalk. There was plenty of street parking right in front of the house but because of their selfishness I had to squeeze around their car with my dogs in the muddy grass. I told the dogs they could pee on the car but they must not have had to go. :)</p>
<p>I don’t think that’s it, Glad. I know many people, including myself, who have taken kids to places that serve food and have indoor play spaces, but who also expect them to use manners at home and other restaurants. It’s about people who simply think it’s ok for their kids to do whatever they want-and it’s not relegated to restaurants, as the salon story above illustrates. I think it’s more of an overall permissive way of raising kids.</p>
<p>I have two non-restaurant examples: when D was in elementary school I saw a mother help her maybe 4 yo D climb up and dance on the cafeteria table that other people, not in her family, were eating at for a school event. At the same event, the contracted performers had to stop and beg, after politely asking several times, for the audience to be quiet so they could be heard. It was so loud you couldn’t even hear the music. It was embarrassing. </p>
<p>Recently I attended a church service where the members are primarily older, well-off people. They held a potluck afterward. I was standing and talking to someone when I noticed one of the younger families claim a table. The toddler then climbed up on the table, which had a pretty tablecloth on it, and sat down, pulling on the tablecloth. Mom was cool with that. In what world-even Chuck E Cheese, are kids supposed to step all over a place where food is served? Never mind the running and screaming!</p>
<p>The difficulty with parents allowing this kind of behavior is that it is not exclusive to restaurants. Children learn that they don’t have to listen to and follow directions. Parents are too busy or too tired to enforce rules. I am a teacher and have seen this carry over into the classroom much more often in the last five years.</p>
Do you really think parents get the message? I don’t try to help, because that is just feeding into the “it takes a village” mentality whereby we are all supposed to adore and teach other people’s children.
I think you might be on to something! Never thought of it this way!</p>
<p>When my S was in preschool, one of his classmates arrived to class covered all over with Nutella. The mother said to the aghast preschool teacher that her kid refused to change his shirt.</p>
<p>When my children were young my MIL would always have something in her bag to entertain them. She would give them a toy as soon as they started to act up or whine. To me, that was merely reinforcing the behavior. I asked her to stop many times. I also objected to restaurants that thought they couldn’t sit quietly without a placemat to color on. What happened to good old fashioned conversation while eating? But I think that’s the major problem. Parents don’t want to have to interact with their kids. My husband had a saying when they started to do something in a restaurant that they shouldn’t “restaurant rules.” To this day they say it even at home.</p>
<p>Fast forward to 20 years later, now those kids are grown and working. </p>
<p>This weekend I invited my highly intelligent, creative young people to my apartment for a sit down dinner. All of those people graduated from top 10-15 schools. They got drunk, used profanity, spoke at top of their voice, and broke some glasswares. I had to politely ask them to leave because they were getting a bit out of control for me. Maybe if their parents had taught them some manners growing up, they would know how to behave when they go to their boss’ house for dinner.</p>
<p>D1 told me on Fri, two associates from her bank were driving from an airport to their client’s office, they decided to pick up a hitchhiker on the way. When the MD called them to return back to the airport to pick him up (he was delayed), they thought there was nothing wrong to bring the hitchhiker with them. The MD was furious because of security issue (especially after the Boston bombing) and they also couldn’t discuss business when a third party was in the car. D1 said to me, “I am not worried if I’ll get promoted. I am looking really good right now.”</p>
<p>Some parents may think it is great their kids are free spirit, no boundary to hold them back, but those kids will grow up some day, not knowing what’s proper and not having self control will hurt them down the road.</p>
<p>Our current misbehaving children issue:
cutting across our lawn to get to school.
We live on a corner near a school. Sandy knocked down our perimeter fence. We’re mulling over replacement.
I kinda like the open feeling. DH waaaay not so much.
The kids walking over his lawn makes him nuts. Not a big deal to me.</p>
<p>But in the interest of staying married, I may have to go fence shopping.</p>