Is retirement what you and/or spouse expected?
Yes but better.
Way better!
Same here. It’s everything we expected and more. We’re having a great time. Right now, we’re on Martha’s Vineyard destressing after kiddo’s graduation. At the end of the week, we’re heading up to Maine to spend some time with friends on their island cottage, then over to Michigan to spend some time with family at my brother’s lake house. We no longer have time constraints so, even though I don’t care to travel much, it’s a lot better when I don’t have to keep track of my remaining vacation days, can book less expensive, moveable flights, and don’t have that sinking feeling about returning to work.
We are very much enjoying H’s retirement and my semi-retirement. We travel and dine out when and where we want. Finances are in nice shape and we continue to be quite happy. What’s not to like?
I like your new avatar, @ChoatieMom! Enjoy your travels.
No, not that fun. I prefer being home alone and miss when H would just be here weekends and the occasional day off. He was “emotionally” disorganized the first 2 years and would lean on me for plans and his activities. That had greatly improved and now he has new interests and some new friends. He is a nice guy so it is not so much anything particular. My needs are different than his–he likes to sit in the same room as I am in and read. I like to do my work (bills or such) alone. And (go ahead and laugh:)) He is still working 7-9 days a month.
@oregon101 It is definitely a major life transition. I am like you - I like my privacy and alone time, even in marriage.
My husband retired unexpectedly. It has been a learning curve for both of us. Sometimes he gets on my nerves being home, but he has found some friends and interests that get him out of the house more than before. It has also come in handy with college, since he is readily available for move ins, visits and the like.
Luckily the finished basement is his man-cave, so we are both home a lot but have our separate areas.
I enjoy spending time with him, obviously, but I wasn’t prepared for just how much time I’d be spending lol.
What could be better than retirement? We make our own schedule and have the money to do what we want. This is what we had been working for our whole lives.
My husband retired in January. I am still working.
I can see that the transition is difficult for him, even though money is not a major issue.
The first couple of months were pretty good because he had some DIY projects around the house that he had been postponing because he was too busy, and they kept him occupied and were very satisfying when they turned out well.
But since then, he has been at loose ends even though he has several hobbies and is staying in touch with a couple of colleagues who retired at about the same time. He is used to more structure in his life, and he didn’t plan in advance for how he was going to spend his time. It shows.
I’m hoping that he will figure out some ongoing activities and interests with time, and I’m learning a lot from his experience that I hope to apply to my own retirement when it comes.
He hopes I will never retire, though, because he’s gotten used to having the house to himself during the day and he likes it. I understand this because there was a time in our lives when I was the one who spent a lot of time at home alone, and I liked it too. But it’s going to make for a challenging transition later. (There are certain special types of conflict when you’re both introverts.)
I envy those on this thread who are finding retirement very enjoyable and satisfying. What helped you to make the transition to this different stage of life?
Neither of us are actually retired- I work part time and DH works from home, but we have some of the similar issues as many of you have mentioned because I, too, am a homebody who enjoys solitude and quiet time. He does go out on appointments or other work related things, but he is home ten times longer per day than he used to be when he had his own office outside of the home. This started 6 years ago, and I’m still not completely on board with it.
When DH retired, I was concerned as some of you were about losing my quiet space. I liked being home by myself and wasn’t looking forward to DH intruding on that. It’s actually turned out much better than I expected. While we still lived in our house the first year of his retirement, we had plenty of space to stay out of each other’s way. Then we downsized and moved, but it’s been fine. He’s antsier than I am, so he finds things to do to get out of the apartment and when he does, I have my quiet time. And when we’re both here, we don’t seem to get in each other’s way.
I guess I am lucky, since DH and I are together 24/7 already. It won’t be as much of an adjustment, although I know I will have to find projects to keep him occupied. Even now, he gets grumpy if he doesn’t have enough to do.
I think that because retirement was a life goal for both of us (it was my number one priority on my first day of work out of college), we had a solid vision of how we wanted it to look and worked to make it so. It also helps that our marriage is strong, we have common interests, and we just like being together. I do think it’s important, though, to have separate friends and activities and to have a home where each has pleasant, separate space. DH and I belong to a couple of separate clubs as well, so we have some different friend groups who share interests with each of us that we don’t share in our marriage. It isn’t perfect but, on the whole, it’s working well.
I love retirement. It’s almost like kindergarten, but now I can drive.
DH is home way too much, IMO. I’d love it if he were out all the time. He does work, seasonally, from May through October, so I’m happiest during those months, when he is out of the house.
I’m traveling every other month to see one child or the other. I’m going into the Big City near us about once a month to meet one or another old friend. I meet local friends several times a month for lunch. And I get to complete enjoyable projects that give me a great deal of satisfaction at my own pace.
What’s not to love??
Not full retirement, but I’m looking forward to it. I like having DH around though, yes, there are issues having to deal with another person right there. When he’s away at work, I just do as I please But for us, that has been a very minor issue. We enjoy each other’s company and give each other plenty of space.
For us, once we down size in housing, now that college costs are done, the economics will be about the same. I’m expecting to travel a lot more to different places. My life has been going to various colleges, particularly the ones whatever kids were attending. That ended with this last glorious graduation that did cost us a small fortune as a family, as we all went there and for several days.
I am not retired, still work full-time. H retired 2 1/2 years ago. He had a job where often our schedules were opposite. He worked later hours part of the year and some weekend days. It was great when we had kids home because we needed very little child care.
But now that he is retired he is home A LOT. It’s been a hard transition for me to come home from work and always have him there - I know that doesn’t sound nice but when he is there, HE IS THERE - his stuff and HIS projects spread out in several rooms in the house. I thrive and prefer things cleaned up and tidy.
If I’m being honest these are some of my thoughts about his retirement.
- He is FULLY happy it seems.
- I feel like it is HIS retirement. Meaning he largely sees all his free time as his own - not as an opportunity to help “us” or me. That’s frustrating.
- He spends a lot of time on the phone talking with old co-workers who have also retired and watching tv. This coupled with his computer sitting = not good for his weight.
- I also feel bad to say this, but I think he has lost his sharpness a bit. Just seems more out of touch with things outside of the home base. He feels OLDER.
I will likely work for a few more years. Maybe eventually work part time. But I am someone who is extremely productive in a day and I think I would be very stressed to be home full time right now. I admire couples who do it more easily.
My view of retirement has overall never been very positive. I know that is the opposite of lots of people. It’s hard for me to see it as a positive. That is my “fantasy” - not positive. Maybe my reality when it finally happens will be different!
This.
My husband is retired, but I expect to work for a few more years. Yet he still says things to me like “Can you pick up my prescription on your way back from the library?” I do not say things like that to him, even though he has much more time in which to do errands than I do. I try to tell myself that this is OK. After all, I don’t have less time available now than I did before he retired. But somehow, it’s still irritating.
abasket- thanks for that post. I can relate to SO much of it. My husband has been retired since we moved from Dallas in 2006. He’s older than me, and a PhD engineer who spent most of his career in the defense industry. Our move to TN was a logical time for him to retire since there wasn’t industry for him here and there was a lot to do with setting up a house, etc. He does almost everything for our household- grocery shopping, cooking, car maintenance, yard, house cleaning (and getting ready for the cleaning help every couple of weeks). I have no complaints at all there. He is an introvert and I do feel like he’s lost some ability to relate to others. He does exercise and has a bicycle group which he rides with several times a week except in winter. My job is very demanding, but I enjoy it and I am well paid. I am really on the fence about retirement. I am getting tired, so there’s that, but my world would shrink greatly. I get some good trips (some of which involve my husband), great interaction with people all over the country and I am valued as an employee and work-friend. I would miss it all SO much. I would not miss having to get up and go to work every day…
I am afraid I would be a little bored, and while I do my share for my church and support various charitable endeavors, I am not “volunteer” professional, as I see so many people become in retirement. I know I am probably within a year or two of retirement, and a management change here (if it were to happen) could nudge me that way, but for now I just can’t pull the trigger. I just need more socialization than I see in my retirement vision. Also- we have some complicated pets (elderly) and can’t just pick up and go without lining up a pet sitter and paying some big bucks.
I took a job as the first thing after my”retirement” and have domany things I want to do. So does DH. I guess it’s all about how one wants to spend retirement. There were some times that I didn’t think I was going to survive. I was surrounded with break down dementors. That I now have done breathing room is pure luxury for me. I felt like I was chained to a tread mill. I had a lot of things I wanted to do that I could not because of choices I had made, biting off way more than I could chew or swallow.
My big ball and chain now are the danged dogs we have. Love them dearly but, they need care.