<p>I’ve had three friend now tell me in a joking way that my marriage has been so successful long term because DH and I have had very busy, travel heavy careers. They seem to believe I’ll learn some new realities as we shift emphasis to a lower key life and actually spend Monday through Friday together. I can’t wait and want to believe they are jaded, but the third comment this AM made me start to question.</p>
<p>Has anyone been through this shift?</p>
<p>My H careershifted a couple years ago, and we have been able to spend much more time together. We do have one child living at home, but with his schedule being so different from ours, we are just the two of us most of the time.</p>
<p>It’s been great. We really enjoy each others’ company. I think a good marriage is a good one because of the connection between the two people, not because of not seeing each other. My guess is your friends envy your good marriage.</p>
<p>Hubby and I have worked alternate schedules for 18 of our 23 year marriage and it works out just fine. He’ll retire in 9 more years, whereas I have 27 more to go. I worry a lot about what our life will be like when he’s retired and I’m not. I don’t know how we’ll do spending that much time together, and then he wants to move somewhere that his pension will go farther and I, obviously, ain’t going nowhere! My feeling is that it’s important to make sure you have your own interests and friends.</p>
<p>My DH and I now work together and are empty nesters. Yes, when we started working together M-F we did have an adjustment period and had to be aware of it.</p>
<p>Same with the feelings when our youngest left for school. Being aware of it is the big thing, then you can realise what is happening and adjust accordingly.</p>
<p>My life plan does not include retirement which certainly will be disastorous in my case. I could not stand being at home even fro short periods between jobs, very depressing. I love to work and I hate doing pretty much everything else, except for my hobby (pottery), spending time with my H. and family and exercise. However, I cannot see how all of it together will fill 16 hours every day, day after day. I told my superiors that they will have to retire me, I will not do it on my own. This scenario might come very soon in current economic condition. The list of what I hate doing: cleanning house, cooking, shopping, watching TV, going to movies, reading, having pets, playing bingo, all constitute most retiree’s activities. I feel that I am doomed!</p>
<p>We’re starting the shift now. H retired from his long-term job and is teaching at the college level on contract, which he loves. So far, so good. He is around more and has less stress, though teaching keeps him busy, but we are enjoying the empty nest and new life. I can’t think of anything that’s been hard about it, frankly. Fortunately we still enjoy each other’s company–second marriage (22 years), so maybe that’s the key 
He’ll probably work this way until our freshman S is near the end of college and we’re sure we can pay easily for that last year. When he does fully retire, we’ll need to think about downsizing and possibly moving. That decision feels like it will be the difficult part. </p>
<p>MiamiDAP, I have three friends who retired at 55 and have never done any of those “retiree” activities! They love it, and they are busy in a good way with part-time work, volunteering, travel, serving on nonprofit boards, even taking graduate-level courses. Our “retirement” isn’t like our parents’ or grandparents’ retirement. These women are an inspiration to me, because I would love to scale back my self-employed career but probably not give it up altogether.</p>
<p>My story is pretty well known here: retired from the Federal government in 2004, to become a Badger. My wife joined me in 2007, after retiring from the Feds and is now a manager in state government. I’m also collecting social security. Son is graduated and we’re doing great.</p>
<p>My spouse, a Marine, and I have been married for nearly 20 years. We’ve gotten pretty good at negotiating changes in time spent together but it took us awhile. </p>
<p>The biggest misperception is that because a couple is looking forward to spending more time together, it will be an easy proess. Certainly, for some couples it is. But for most couples, getting on the same page involves some adjustments in both parties expectations. </p>
<p>As long as you are both realistic about that, you’ll be fine. And if you are having some difficulties with the transition, don’t hesitate to seek help.</p>
<p>Due to the vicissitudes of the economy and the movie industry in particular dear H has been home for about 18 months after 26 years of being on and off location. We have a great marriage, but I really do miss my occasional evening at home ALONE. While he was working and away I devolped lots of “solo” interests—especially oil painting. My output has been restricted since he has a tendency to look over my shoulder.
To paraphrase Greta Garbo “I vant to be (occasionally) alone…”</p>
<p>Lol Musicamusica! I feel pretty similar about my own situation. My husband has been semi-retired for a couple of years, mostly due to health issues. He owns his own business which is as busy as he makes it. The economy has kind of stepped in now, and made him very un-busy lately. I will be happily doing my thing…when he walks in at 1pm…and its like…uhh…r u home for the day? The rest of the day? lol. It drives me crazy. I am not nearly as productive when he’s around, because he’s bored and wants to chat…or something silly. I have taken to making crazy long lists of things for him to do…haha…the result is, he goes out and is afraid to come back to see whats on my new list! </p>
<p>It is an adjustment, for sure. We have a disabled son at home, so we don’t really have an empty nest, nor will we…but, I am now longing for spring when he can start going back to the shore to fish!!! I used to be annoyed when he’d do that while the kids were younger. Now I ask myself what was I thinking?! I love him to death and wouldn’t trade him for the world. He just needs to find some hobbies or something to keep him occupied. Thus my list of things for him to do:) If he can’t find a winter hobby…then I’m afraid I will. lol
One huge plus though, about having him home is that he loves to cook, and gets pretty creative when he does. Thats a nice benefit for me. Maybe I should look into some cooking classes for him!!!</p>
<p>Lots of good thoughts here. Makes me glad we’ll be in CA with year round outdoor activities!</p>
<p>After 30 years of marriage with us both in careers involving very long hours, constant business calls at home and 3 kids to raise, it’s the quiet that’s hard to imagine.</p>
<p>Ah I’m sure its more than that! Maybe you have a great marriage because of the people you are and how you manage your relationship! (ironically, I get the same comments from friends about my marriage – but they say its because I work in the same occupation and just a floor away from my husband!). Different things for different people. I think if you juggle joint lives with busy careers and lots of travel that is a good sign (because those things can be stressors).</p>
<p>I think all transitions can be somewhat tough but there are lots and lots of ways to have a good marriage.</p>
<p>Well, it looks like those who are happy with their “retirement” are still working actually. I do not think that part-time will be available to me. So, should I say that I also retire but actually choose to work full time? That will be very fine with me, except that I worry that economy will dismiss me from my favorite activity very soon. I am trying very hard not to think about it, because then I have no idea how to fill my time. Oh, and I am way past 55.</p>
<p>I early-retired in 1996 when D was in elementary school; did grad school for a couple of years and returned to work 1999-2001; have been retired since with a bit of consulting early on, but no more. H is still working full time but will retire in the fall. He has been working at home one day a week (fed gov’t) so we’ve had a chance to “rehearse” the constant togetherness. It will take some further adaptation, but he’s looking forward to his retirement and so I am too. The real saving grace for us is that, after a 20 year hiatus, we returned to playing club and tournament bridge a couple of years ago. It’s what we do, together, and even now we play 3-4 times a week and travel to tournaments every couple of months. When he retires we’ll probably play almost every day and do more traveling, to more distant venues. Some of this gets a little expensive but it’s our only major activity. I’m so glad we have this interest, which is never boring, keeps our minds active, and supplies an important social element, in common.</p>
<p>DH has worked out of town many times over the past 30 years and I do notice after a few years period when he was gone for big chunks of time and then he is not gone, I miss my time all by myself.</p>
<p>My youngest just left the nest empty, so maybe as I become accustomed to having no kids home I will be less annoyed, but definitely sometimes I just ‘vant to be alone’ for a day or two.</p>