Returning to College & Feeling Quite 'Dumb'

College Life
1

<p>Hi all,</p>

<p>I graduated high school from a little town in northern Texas in 2003. Following graduation, I went to the local community college in my town and experienced meager success. I received bad grades in a couple of classes, and just frankly wasn’t a committed student. I went to this community college for two semesters and quit.</p>

<p>Fast forward three years and I meet a guy my age who graduated from a high school twenty minutes from my hometown…</p>

<p>What initiated my return back to college was a conversation I had this summer with a former acquaintance of mine. Over AIM, we began chatting about our lives in general and the issue of our education came up. Mind you, I had not been in school for about two years prior to our conversation, and I was struggling as a online ‘entrepreneur’ living with my divorced father. As we were talking, I casually asked Rob what school he attended and he replied “Notre Dame.” I suddenly felt as though the energy in my body had been zapped away. I felt intimidated and ashamed. I felt inferior. I felt sick to my stomach. I ultimately felt lower than dirt.</p>

<p>After ending that conversation, I went into deep thought and examined my life (compared to his). I felt as though my life was meaningless and I decided after speaking with my parents to enroll back in school. Meanwhile, I killed my friendship with Rob and started to develop a very competitive attitude against his accomplishments. I now wanted to accomplish more than Rob and be smarter than I thought him to be.</p>

<p>When I enrolled in core courses this past summer, I felt as though I was putting myself back on track to success. However, being out of school for a substantial amount of time
was not an aiding factor for success for fast track summer courses. I made a “C” in Biology I and a “B” in English II. I felt miserable again.</p>

<p>Before I moved to Dallas, Texas, I began to examine myself academically and intellectually and question why I wasn’t “smart” and couldn’t make an “A” in otherwise easy courses. I could not find an answer. I then enrolled for the fall at El Centro College in Dallas, Texas. I found the environment and instructors to be more conducive for success. In fact I made a 4.0 this last semester, but I still feel quite ‘dumb’ because the classes were relatively easy.</p>

<p>For the last few weeks, I have been purchasing and examining publications on how to increase my mental acuity and raise my cognitive performance. I just don’t think my brain is functioning at a capacity to be academically competitive. And, I’m still obsessed with ‘outsmarting’ Rob.</p>

<p>I’m working to earn my Associates in Arts Degree while simultaneously earning credits to transfer to Southern Methodist University and major in Computer Science/minor in Business Administration. No, it’s not highly ranked like Notre Dame, but I do want to work hard to get into a top graduate school to acquire a joint degree in law and computer science from Stanford, Duke, or University of Chicago. I still want my chance to graduate from a well-respected school.</p>

<p>Does anyone have any advice for me regarding completing my undergraduate studies?</p>

2

<p>Why do you feel so compelled to beat Bob? There will always be people ahead of you- not just because of merit, but also based on connections, previous opportunities, etc.</p>

<p>For example, at the beginning of freshman year I was really jealous of friends who have done research and got published. Then I realized a lot of it is connections (knowing people, living near a University) and a lot of it is also based off luck. I found a lab, I’m working at my own page, and I’m pretty happy here.</p>

<p>There’s no point in killing yourself to be number 1- number 2, 23, 233, or even 2333 is still pretty freaking good.</p>

<p>Also, don’t beat yourself to death thinking that you aren’t “smart.” A big part of getting good grades is knowing what is expected of the class (office hours, going to class, doing the homework helps) and keeping up with the material. Take classes that are interesting to you, and participate in class. Keep engaged- it really helps you understand the material that way. Keep intellectually engaged by watching good movies, reading interesting things online, and debating with people.</p>

<p>Also, don’t forget to have fun. Fun is really important for success- otherwise you will be miserable.</p>

3

<p>If you think you may have learning disabilities, even a more subtle case, then you can probably arrange for testing thru the counseling center at your JC. And sometime intelligence can be a drawback; many kids were smart enough in HS (where the work is geared so most can pass) to get by without learning good study habits; when they’re in college and everyone around them has similar intelligence its no longer enough. Frankly, though, I think a lot of time the explanation for lack of success comes down to lack of work. In many college classes, especially the sciences and math, the expectation is that you’ll spend 3 hours outside of class doing homework and studying. And in CS the workload is just staggering; those people seem to just live in the lab working on programs. CS is something that takes a ton of dedication and effort.</p>

<p>I have 2 suggestions to pass on to you. First is read thru the section on procrastination at [Psychological</a> Self-Help: Chapter 4: Behavior, Motivation and Self-Control - page 76 of 153](<a href=“http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org/Chapter4/chap4_76.html]Psychological”>Psychological Self-Help: Chapter 4: Behavior, Motivation and Self-Control - page 76 of 153) The second is for a book called “What Smart Students Know”. The book is written by one of the co-founders of the Princeton Review prep service and really explains how to study various types of material, prepare for the tests, etc.</p>

4

<p>There will be certain things you are naturally good at, and those which you aren’t going to be. This is true for everyone. You need to figure out in which things you can naturally succeed. Then you need to look at those things that you can’t do well in without strenuous effort. Are you willing to put forth this effort? Would you be willing to sacrifice fun in order to study constantly for these things? Then you need to again regard those things which are easy for you. Can you pursue a career related to these subjects? Would you like this career.</p>

<p>Screw Rob. There are many reasons why people go to certain places. Money, location, etc. And so if you get to SMU, awesome. It’s a great school, lots of people go to Fortune 500 companies out of there, etc. Do what you want. Many people run for president, and many lose, but that doesn’t mean their life is over. I mean so McCain graduated at the near bottom of this class (or so they say) but look how far he went! He is a senator that gained enough respect of the American people that he nearly became president of our country!!! Don’t let labels stop you. You are going to have to get over Rob and keep going. If you continue to compare yourself to others you will get stuck in a rut and never get anywhere.</p>

5

<p>^Well, it’s not so much about ‘beating’ Rob, but more about making something of myself in the process. I know that with my newly founded competitive ‘urge’ to outdo the accomplishments of my former acquaintance, I will be successful. I simply don’t feel very smart or purposeful in my life right now. I want to feel needed by people.</p>

<p>I think meeting Rob was a good thing for me because it lit a fire under my butt, and got me to really examine the pitiful, pathetic state of my life.</p>

<p>It is very important to me that I keep Rob’s accomplishments in mind and ‘outdo’ him because doing so will confirm my personal success.</p>

6

<p>that’s great for you that you took some time off and you’re motivated now to do good. your motivation seems a bit troublesome though. on one hand, competing with your friend keeps you going and has motivated you to get an education. on the flip slide, your competition with him caused you to sever relations with him. I don’t think that’s good imo.</p>

<p>first you need to examine your long term goals and find out how college fits in it. college isn’t for everyone, sometimes a trait school is good enough to acquire a skill. secondly, don’t worry too much about where you get your education, so long as you get it. sure an education at a CC won’t be the same as some top school, but it’s still a college education. thirdly, make sure grad school makes sense for the career you want to get into. don’t just say you want to go to grad school because you want to. i kno i’m certainly not going to grad school after undergrad for the simple reason that i want to make sure it makes sense to get the masters in whatever field it is i’m making a career of (plus i’m fed up with school). lastly, don’t measure your intelligence by grades. not everyone excels in academia, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t smart, and likewise not everyone that excels in academia is smart.</p>

<p>out of curiosity what are you trying to do with law and computer science? Intellectual Property law? i’m assuming you have a great interesting these two fields. hopefully it’s not just to compete with your friend Rob. you should be doing what you want.</p>

7

<p>“It is very important to me that I keep Rob’s accomplishments in mind and ‘outdo’ him because doing so will confirm my personal success.”</p>

<p>What if Rob isn’t that successful in the end? Then you’d be outdoing someone who wasn’t that successful to begin with.</p>

8

<p>Yes, I’m interested in patent/IP law. I like programming and I like law, so I’m considering a career in practicing this aspect of law.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, after discovering he graduated from ND led to me severing my ‘friendship’ with him. I feel bad that I treated him so badly, but I didn’t know how to deal with my own feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. But I’m sure I didn’t mean much to him anyway and he’s not concerned about ‘loosing’ me as a friend. Besides, he has all his sophisticated friends in Boston anyway.</p>

<p>And I have to admit, that in my past, I wasn’t committed enough. College was taken very casually. Now I’m ready to invest myself fully to my studies, earn a excellent GPA, and get into a top graduate school. Excelling in academia is very important. I have no other choice.</p>

<p>Plus I enjoy the social aspect of school. I enjoy interacting with other students and so on. Now that I’m on winter break, I’m miserable because I don’t really have any friends. But it’s ok. I’m preparing for next semester by completing my cognitive performance strategy and reviewing material for some of my more difficult classes next semester.</p>

9

<p>it is inspiring that you are inspired to succeed, InnovativeBoxx</p>

<p>but i find it quite pathetic that you cut off a friendship out of jealousy.</p>

10

<p>^I don’t regret ending that friendship. The whole Notre Dame, highly paid consultant thing was making me feel inferior and intimidated. But now that I’ve ended the friendship, it gives me power to succeed and surpass Rob’s accomplishments.</p>

11

<p>so you are saying that it was not out of jealousy but you felt that he was ‘out of your league’? kind of like the idea that the rich and poor cannot be friends…</p>

12

<p>“Unfortunately, after discovering he graduated from ND led to me severing my ‘friendship’ with him. I feel bad that I treated him so badly, but I didn’t know how to deal with my own feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.”</p>

<p>Get help at the counseling center at your college. If you don’t work on your own self esteem and competitive issues, no matter what you accomplish, you’ll always be miserable because you’ll always find someone who’ll be ahead of you.</p>

<p>Don’t think that the only way to motivate yourself is by being competitive with others. There are other things that --with help-- you can find to motivate yourself without causing you to feel miserable or cut ties with people who could become good friends.</p>

13

<p>I have to agree with northstarmom. While being motivated by competition CAN be healthy, it doesn’t really seem like healthy competition here. You simply seem to think you must outdo other people. It’s true there will always be people ahead of you – and behind you. If you have a goal, then go for it, but your goal shouldn’t be just to get ahead of someone else! Additionally, if you present yourself as constantly trying to outdo other people like you are here, no one is going to hire you for anything because nobody wants to work with someone whose only purpose in life seems to be to 1-up everyone else (especially if they aren’t even able to do it).
My suggestion would be to find a goal and work toward it. You need something besides Rob to motivate you. Additionally, people who are “ahead of you in the game” are people you should be networking with. You say you don’t regret ending the relationship with Rob, yet that’s not only antisocial, it’s stupid, because, frankly, if he has been more successful than you, he probably has connections that could help you and/or, if you had build that friendship with him, he might have actually been able to help you become successful yourself. If all you ever do is avoid people who are “better than you,” you’re not going to grow.</p>

14

<p>Even if you end up with the ability to do so, please don’t waste Stanford of UChicago’s time just because you want to “out-rank” someone in terms of where you graduated from.</p>

15

<p>please don’t cut yourself off from everyone who is “making you feel inferior”; you can learn so much from people who are smarter than you socially or academically. I know when I first started college I felt rather intimidated by all the really smart people around me, but I’m extremely glad we’re still friends to this day but they’ve taught me a lot about things like science or politics and inspired interest in a lot of subjects I never really had explored before.</p>

<p>Can you try being competitive in a more positive way? What I mean is, instead of trying to “outdo” you friends’ accomplishments, let their success sorta just inspire you to take more risks and have a “can do” kinda attitude. I know this isn’t coming off very clear probably, but for the most part this is what has worked for me with my closest successful friends; I’m still happy for them, but their success with really hard things makes me believe I can do the same things. In my mind I assume we wouldn’t be friends if weren’t pretty much on the same level intellectually, so inside I’m probably just as capable of being successful as they are.</p>

16

<p>yes, i feel quite inferior too when i see famous actors who have graduated from ivy leagues.</p>

17

<p>Yes, if we had remain friends, Rob could have used his higher level of ‘success’ to help me climb the socioeconomic ladder. But things did not happen that way and during the relatively short time that I knew him, I felt nothing but inferior, intimidation, and jealously. It was probably best that I ended things.</p>

<p>My desire to attend top graduate schools like Standford, Duke, or the University of Chicago are not solely for the sake of ‘outdoing’ someone else. These are good schools to attend and will aid in my success as I initiate my career.</p>

<p>Muzicgirl89, you are right about networking with those who challenge you academically and intellectually. I plan on doing the same. I want to contribute as well as receive the various benefits of interacting with my peers in this fashion.</p>

18

<p>InnovativeBox: are you a guy or a girl?</p>

<p>i am under the impression that you are a girl because you said, “i met a guy.”</p>

<p>i could be wrong though.</p>

<p>hehe</p>

19

<p>“Yes, if we had remain friends, Rob could have used his higher level of ‘success’ to help me climb the socioeconomic ladder. But things did not happen that way and during the relatively short time that I knew him, I felt nothing but inferior, intimidation, and jealously. It was probably best that I ended things.”</p>

<p>It would have been better for you to have overcome your feelings of inferiority, etc. so you could have continued a friendship with him, and begun friendships with other accomplished people.</p>

<p>"My desire to attend top graduate schools like Standford, Duke, or the University of Chicago are not solely for the sake of ‘outdoing’ someone else. "</p>

<p>Until you overcome your competitiveness that makes you feel inferior to others, you won’t be happy any place that you attend. Particularly at places like Stanford, etc., you’ll have many classmates who’ll have attended colleges that were more competitive than your present one. If you remain as competitive as you are now, you will have a hard time finding friends at a grad school like Stanford because you’ll feel inferior to many people.</p>

<p>It will be very hard – if not impossible – for you to attain the kind of successful life that you are seeking if you avoid people who are successful.People who are successful tend to seek out others who are successful, whom they can learn from and be inspired by.</p>

20

<p>Proton, I am a guy, in case you’re wondering.</p>

<p>Northstarmom, I promised myself that I would never cut off another relationship because of feelings of inferiority. There were some other factors in my relationship with Rob that I’m not at liberty to speak about.</p>

<p>If I went to Stanford or an equivalent school, I don’t think I would be a victim of feelings of inferiority. I actually think that I would be so grateful to get into such a fine school that I would not even consider how someone would be ‘superior’ to me just because they went to a better undergraduate school.</p>

<p>Again, my desire to attend top graduate schools like Standford, Duke, or the University of Chicago are not solely for the sake of ‘outdoing’ someone else. Yes, it is a factor, because ‘outdoing’ someone, particularly Rob is a source of motivation for me.</p>