Hi team. We had our first of three revisit days recently for my daughter who will be entering as an 11th grade boarder. I’m beginning to understand that revisit days are a wonderful chance for students to pick up the vibe of the school/student body.
Given that my daughter is entering at a smaller entry grade, one of her primary concerns is feeling that she will make friends and thrive socially. She is outgoing and shiny, and will dabble athletically on JV etc but doesn’t have the benefit of having a main sport and that automatic comradeship from teammates. On our last revisit, she came back to me a bit deflated as she felt that her student host was disinterested in both her and in school life. The host expressed discouraging thoughts on participating in new clubs without prior experience. Little things were magnified i.e. my daughter had to pull her own extra chair up to the lunch table where the host and her friends were sitting. The friends were also quite interested in what other schools she was accepted in, and their conversation revolved around that topic at lunch.
In regular life, these little things would be brushed off with ease, but as mentioned, they were magnified by the situation and now the day is sitting heavily with my daughter. We both ADORE this school, from their philosophy to campus, to course offerings and faculty - it’s pure love. It’ll be my daughter’s decision ultimately, and we both know that hanging it upon one dull day might be a mistake. However, however, however. It’s a big decision, and it should be made with joy! Have you experienced something similar at your child’s revisit day? Any thoughts or tips? Is it perhaps an indication of poor fit? Any advice would be appreciated.
When we were reunited at the end of the revisit day, I introduced her to some parents that I had met and their respective kids, and the little group had about ten minutes of sparkling conversation. That was my daughter’s favorite part of the day! I hope that’s the feeling she remembers most of this lovely school no matter which way she decides. Thanks in advance for any input you may have!
Revisit days are great ways to get the vibe of a school. The students that your child comes in contact with can make or break the experience. That being said, no one interaction should be deemed the ‘school.’
We used revisit days to answer a lot of our more focused questions now that we were accepted vs trying to impress. It was a time for us to see if we could see ourselves in the environment - on the campus, with the students, teachers, culture, etc. Really see the rooms, bathroom, try the food.
Our school was not originally our first pick, as we did not have a good read of the culture when we visited back in the fall on a major rival day when many were off campus competing or cheering. We knew we would need to go back if we were accepted. Our two different visit 1:1 tour guides gave us a solid look at the type of students my DD might engage with and the revisit day was great.
After speaking with several students on revisit day at a different school that I thought was going to raise to the top, my DD decided to hit pause. Too many students had echoed a similar sentiment that left my DD uncomfortable. She loved the school and kids she met, but she felt like ‘where there was smoke, there was fire’ meaning there was an underlying vibe that she did not want.
Truthfully, I think she would have loved and thrived at any number of schools as she truly loves all that BS has to offer. But she is so happy where she is and I remember the moment when we were revisiting that she started crying and said this is it, send the check in. LOL
I do think kids are excited about new peers and even without a sports team there are lots of places to make friends. It may take a little bit to find her people, but students will be excited for someone new to change up the dynamics as they live and work with the same people.
Have you visited all of your options for a good comparison? Follow your gut, it sounds like you love the school. how was her original tour guide when she was applying? Also ask questions on the forum about the school - there tends to be enough to read through to get a good sense and see if it aligns with your take.
I wish I could provide you with a tip but we’re facing the same challenges…We had our first of our 3 revisit days. The school won us over - stunning campus, top-notch academics - but we just didn’t vibe with the coaches. My DD would be a two-sport varsity in this school.
In contrast, in the other schools we’re excited to go back to, it’s been a difference experience: the coaches (and academics) have been outstanding, but we haven’t quite connected with the community atmosphere. We are a bit uncertain about which choice to make.
I think @Sroo definitely gave us excellent advice though.
Thank you for that thoughtful response! The prior tour and interview were both lovely. Questions were answered and there were humorous moments!
I will keep researching on this forum. Similar to you, we anticipated this school to be her first choice. My gut feeling is that if she has a predominantly fun (not even informative lol) revisit, she will choose another school. I don’t know how to parent this! I’ll just keep reading and be proud of her….
It’s a tough decision! They are spoiled by choice, and the irony for my family is that we are more muddled coming out of revisit day. Please do keep me posted if you do find a factor that sways your decision!
Maybe ask the coaches to connect her to some players and see how she feels after speaking with them.
For a serious athlete, the coach matters. I would want my child to talk to as many current students as possible to get a sense of the community. If her teammates aren’t a good vibe that’s more problematic than if the somewhat random students she encountered on revisit day aren’t.
We had our first of 2 revisit days and my son left frustrated, sad and confused. He is a 2 sport varsity athlete with one main sport. He is also reclassifying 9th and is an excellent student who likes academics. The 9th grade buddy he was assigned to didn’t play any of the same sports, didn’t do any clubs and seemed to be in all lower/standard classes where the kids and teachers acted bored and uninterested. I would have been fine if the buddy didn’t overlap his sports but to have someone assigned to him that was also on a totally different academic level felt dismissive and makes us wonder if they even have a clue who he is. We are very stressed as this is the school we were hoping he picked but the other school we are visiting Friday is looking better and better. We did send an email to the admissions director and the head of the upper school to try to figure this out.
I’m sorry to hear that. We had our re-visit today and things went better than I thought. My son is very quiet and when with a big crowd of strangers, he can come across disengaged and even a little standoffish. He is also a two sport varsity athlete and was paired up with a future teammate who is also a day student. They attended several classes together in the morning. During lunch he sat with the team and met the captains and other teammates. We spent half hour talking with the coaches of the two sports he participates. After the visit ended we stayed and watched a home game. On the way home my son was all smiles and we absolutely could see him being a member of the community. I think this is what a re-visit day is for— kids should feel welcomed, comfortable and being themselves.
Sometimes admissions drops the ball on these match ups - or sometimes they’re dealing with too many moving parts to match every kid perfectly. I wouldn’t read too much into what classes he sat in on, but it may or may not be meaningful if his perception is that kids at that school were not engaged in class and that’s important to him. Just because 9th graders are in an introductory class shouldn’t reflect level of engagement. But if your view of this school is that there are many students on a completely different academic level, maybe it’s not the right fit.
He should ask the coach to connect him with athletes on the teams for his sports.
I’m sorry this created a tailspin for you. That’s so rattling. See how Friday goes. You may discover that while the school you thought would be a first choice, something else is a better fit.
I agree that sometimes schools just can’t make perfect host matches for everyone. It’s everything from who is available to host to how many visitors can be accommodated in each classroom.
Years ago, I was a parent volunteer at DS’ school’s revisit day. At the end of the day, a girl came back and was telling her dad that a group of them had been “trading” which class they’d attend after lunch based on interest, and that in the process, she got left behind in the dining room. I was feeling somewhat horrified. Apparently another student, not a host for the day, saw her and took her to her next class. So far from what admissions had planned! As the girl finished her story, her take was that it was a place where people took care of each other.
(She enrolled. )
This is all to say that on one hand, not all plans are well made and things can go wrong. Revisit days are for most schools a big undertaking, and there are so many moving pieces that they can’t be perfectly orchestrated. On the other, one of the reasons you spend a day is to pick up the vibe. Perhaps your son can visit again and sit in on a higher level class? The clock is ticking, so fingers crossed that your concerns can be addressed.
@NYMom139
Thanks for your advice. DD reached out to the coaches of each school, requesting the opportunity to connect or speak with players. She was paired with an athlete during the initial revisit who plays the same sports (which was great!). The future teammate was nice, but aside from sports, she didn’t share much in common with my daughter. Then, when a time came to speak with the coaches, the “indifference” became more pronounced. I feel like dealing with the coaches 'communication during this application process has been like trying to juggle flaming torches in a hurricane
@MomtoKTandJ I’m so sorry to hear that. I agree with @NYMom139 though. I will try to not read too much into the classes he attended. My DD’s buddy didn’t seem to have advanced classes either, but I know that’s not the case for other students. Does your son have a good vibe with the coach/players?
@SilverAndGold@MomtoKTandJ
Looking forward to hearing from you about the other revisits, and let’s hope our kids find the right school. Fingers crossed!
I feel you. My son’s experience w coaches was all over the place during the application process - from not responsive to super communicative. My son is leaning towards the schools where the coaches seem most invested in him. But sports are a central part of his BS experience.
