Ridiculous News Headlines

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Came across some real pretty funny news
headlines today. Makes you wonder if there is such a thing as an editor anymore.</p>

<p>“Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.”</p>

<p>“Rally against apathy draws small crowd.”</p>

<p>“Females likelier to test for women’s diseases.”</p>

<p>“Jobs remain the best insurance against unemployment.”</p>

<p>“Utah poison control center reminds everyone not to take poison.”</p>

<p>“Pregnant girls are vulnerable to weight gain.”</p>

<p>“Homicide victims rarely talk to police.”</p>

<p>“Most earthquake damage is caused by shaking.”</p>

<p>“(Princess) Diana was still alive hours before she died.”</p>

<p>“Condom truck tips, spills load.”</p>

<p>“Fireman giving ‘kiss of life’ accidentally inhales kitty.”</p>

<p>“Bishops agree sex abuse rules.”</p>

<p>“Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement.”</p>

<p>Anyone else have some winners?</p>

2

<p>“It’s OK to be an older worker – as long as you don’t lose your job”</p>

<p>[It’s</a> OK to be an older worker ? as long as you don’t lose your job - In Plain Sight](<a href=“http://inplainsight.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/09/05/20327882-its-ok-to-be-an-older-worker-as-long-as-you-dont-lose-your-job?lite]It’s”>http://inplainsight.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/09/05/20327882-its-ok-to-be-an-older-worker-as-long-as-you-dont-lose-your-job?lite)</p>

3

<p>“17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree.”</p>

<p>God help us.</p>

4

<p>mom dead boy keeps mum</p>

<p>Was in Washington Post 10-15 years ago.
A 9-years old did not report his mother’s death for several days.
I believe they quickly took the paper out of circulation and reprinted it with a new title.</p>

5

<p>Just found another one:</p>

<p>“Lesbian youth at high risk for pregnancy.”</p>

<p>Can you tell my car is in the shop and I’m home with too much idle time on my hands?</p>

6

<p>[Here</a> Are All The People Who Have Died From A Marijuana Overdose](<a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>Here Are All The People Who Have Died From A Marijuana Overdose | HuffPost Latest News)</p>

7

<p>From today’s Columbus Dispatch, regarding last night’s game between the Denver Broncos and the Baltimore Ravens:</p>

<p>“Elway throws seven touchdown passes.” </p>

<p>NOBODY caught that?!</p>

<p>[Newspaper:</a> John Elway, not Peyton Manning, throws 7 TDs (PHOTO) - NFL - Sporting News](<a href=“http://www.sportingnews.com/nfl/story/2013-09-06/peyton-manning-7-touchdowns-tds-broncos-ravens-week-1-john-elway-newspaper]Newspaper:”>http://www.sportingnews.com/nfl/story/2013-09-06/peyton-manning-7-touchdowns-tds-broncos-ravens-week-1-john-elway-newspaper)</p>

8

<ul>
<li>in the “Thank you Captain Obvious” category:</li>
</ul>

<p>“North Korean leader names ancient frog ‘Ancient Frog’” - Bangkok Post</p>

<p>“Illiteracy an obstable, study finds”</p>

<p>“Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons”</p>

<p>“Bugs Flying Around With Wings are flying bugs”</p>

<ul>
<li>A few wild nights:</li>
</ul>

<p>“Bush urges use of condoms based on Uganda experience” -Taipei Times</p>

<p>“Student excited dad got head job” - Daily Kansan</p>

<p>“Lady Jacks off to hot start in conference”</p>

<p>“Girls’ schools still offering ‘something special’-head”</p>

<p>“Republicans turned off by size of Obama’s package”</p>

<p>“Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says”</p>

<p>And my personal favorite:</p>

<p>“Think of a headline
56 pt bold headline”</p>

9

<p>wow!!!

</p>

<p>It took me a good… 30 seconds to figure that one out. I kept thinking, well, was it the Ravens QB? What’s the problem… oh yeah, Elway retired about 50 years ago. LOL… that was a headline??</p>

10

<p>This isn’t a headline but you just reminded me of an interview I heard on tv some time ago. The politician being interviewed about an anonymous smear campaign said - and I do remember it verbatim - “There have been allegations made against me, serious allegations. And I want to know who the alligator is.”</p>

11

<p>^^^^^OMG that is hilarious.</p>

<p>Sue, those are some good ones too. I like your “Captain Obvious” category. :D</p>

12

<p>Sadly the headline “17 remain dead…” is a fake. I wish it were true. [Fake</a> ?morgue shooting? headline « Mark Turner dot Net](<a href=“http://www.markturner.net/2012/06/13/fake-morgue-shooting-headline/]Fake”>Fake “morgue shooting” headline – Mark Turner dot Net)</p>

<p>My favorite old headline is the one about the height-challenged psychic who escaped from jail:
Small Medium at Large</p>

13

<p>So many Anthony Weiner ones.</p>

<p>NYPost "Weiner’s Rise and Fall</p>

<p>DailyNews “Tip of the Weiner”</p>

<p>NYPost “Cuomo Beats Weiner”</p>

<p>Too many to post.</p>

14

<p>

</p>

<p>OMG, you’re killing me, dmd77. Just hilarious.</p>

15

<p>NYsmile, yeah, the whole Weiner thing just begs for a roast. ;)</p>

<p>Okay, I apologize for that. :o</p>