<p>This was new to me: a charitable way to find a gorgeous gown.</p>
<p>In NYC, people donate couture and designer bridal gowns to a place called The Bridal Garden.</p>
<p>When resold to happy bride shoppers, 70% of the purchase price is given directly to charitable needs of low-income children in the NYC area.</p>
<p>Ok…I’m NOT a bleeding heart liberal, but I agree with the idea that a LITTLE girl’s dream is of a fantasy wedding day. It is not reality, nor should it be. If I hear one more brat whine, “IT’S MY DAY!” I will puke. No, it is the first day of the rest of your life. (I love the idea of the Bridal Garden. If we lived in NYC I would absolutely try it out. On second thought who knows when the time comes…maybe we’ll come to New York or they’ll have one here.) I don’t get the nonsense of the $150,000 wedding or Bar Mitzvah.</p>
<p>A few years ago a friend, with family in NYC had her niece get engaged. In New York weddings are a fortune, appartments much more so. The father of the bride suggest a “small” party in their apartment (150 or so) people and a large cash gift to the couple for an apartment. The groom’s parents agreed to match the gift. The bride? Cried and cried…they called off the marriage. She wanted her dream day.</p>
<p>When my kids get married (I won’t have as much say in my son’s wedding I know) we will provide them with a lovely, appropriate wedding…nothing like the nonsense that one can see on tv.</p>
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If it helps (and it doesn’t), the wedding industry feeds the insanity.</p>
<p>I can’t count the number of times I went to meet with wedding vendors, and I said, “Oh, we’d like the such-and-such basic package, with this, that, and the other,” and the vendors said, “Oh, but don’t you want the super-special extra-deluxe princess sparkle mountain pony package?” and I said, “No, thank you, just the basic package,” and the vendors said, aghast, “But it’s YOUR DAY!”</p>
<p>It also made me want to barf.</p>
<p>A couple who gets married should love each so much that they wouldn’t care if they got married in a Wal-Mart parking lot wearing a t-shirt and jeans. If a bride or groom cares only about the wedding, then they are getting married for the wrong reasons.</p>
<p>Lavish weddings are stupid and are nothing more than “look at me” parties. They want to show how much they can afford (or can’t afford, but try to act like they can afford it).</p>
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Not that I agree with $150,000 weddings, but just wanted to point out that many of these weddings were planned before we were in “this economy”, and had huge downpayments already made which are non-refundable. In those cases, cancelling the wedding and starting all over for something smaller might not actually save anything.</p>
<p>Now, people booking weddings now like those - well, that’s another story entirely.</p>
<p>Oh, and as a guilty admission, I love “Say Yes to the Dress”! My d already knows that a shop of that kind, however, is not even on the radar.</p>
<p>I think you can have a “fairy tale dream wedding” without having all of that expensive stuff…I did…It was perfect and memorable…I watch the video a couple of times a year! Church wedding, tent in Mom’s backyard, band, flowers and cake. The best day of my life and it certainly didn’t cost high five let alone 6 figures! ( no sit down din, though, which really shaved $$ off)</p>
<p>Like many things in life, the type of wedding and how much you’re willing to spend, are personal choices. If someone wants to spend a lot, why does it upset so many people? Why do people get so up in arms over someone spending more than they’d spend? Why is it more virtuous to spend almost nothing? I’ve never understood that, even back when I got married and we had a garden wedding in the backyard with close family and friends, me in my $120 dress, and no sit down dinner. That was what we could afford and it was wonderful. I never resented those of our friends who had more elaborate weddings, so I don’t get all the attitude. </p>
<p>When my D got married last summer, we could certainly afford more than my parents could all those years ago, and, we certainly spent more. Different people have different financial situations and I’ve never really understood why people feel compelled to tell people how they should or shouldn’t spend their money. I’m certain that there are some brides and grooms in some of those $150,000 weddings who actually ARE getting married ‘for the right reasons’. We didn’t spend $150,000 but it was probably a figure that would cause a lot of you to roll your eyes! :)</p>
<p>In our family, there have been several big weddings lately. </p>
<p>I helped my mom shop for gifts. One couple had registered for replacement vacuum bags and exercise equipment - - odd things to me. </p>
<p>I can’t understand why some family members are so resentful and, I think, jealous, of the larger and more expensive weddings. </p>
<p>I just listen and hear so much complaining. It seems to drag down the brides and the weddings. </p>
<p>Someday, I would like to have a nice, not lavish, wedding. It bothers me that some people will think it is a waste of money.</p>
<p>I like wedding and baby gift registries as they are practical. Sometimes you don’t know what to get a couple and it makes things easy. You don’t have to use the registry if you don’t want to do so. Those that want to use one have it handy.</p>
<p>As for having impractical, extravagant things on the registry, Hey, why not? It’s like a wish list. That’s where you put down things like an expensive ice bucket. The budget problems don’t come from that. They come from buying things like that when people can’t afford them. Not a thing in the world wrong with putting down even far out things on the registry. In fact, a great place to put some stuff that you would never buy for yourself. Also gives the buyers more variety and choice in what to get a couple. Some folks would much rather give an ice bucket or other item of the sort than a place setting of china or a platter or a toaster.</p>
<p>IMO, those extravagant registry items are insulting unless you’re one of the elite set. Some guests might not have the money to spend on such items but feel they are obligated to choose something from the list.</p>
<p>IMHO: I am not looking at lavish weddings with resentment. We could do it. I would rather have a nice wedding and give my kids cash to help with a down payment on a home. Silk lined walls, pink uplighting, rental of replica gates of Windsor Castle for the bride’s entrance (We’ve seen it, $10.000 for the grand entrance that we didn’t see because the lighting wasn’t set right and the guests weren’t on risers)…sorry, I won’t do it.</p>
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<p>I suppose that’s possible but your posts are certainly not coming across that way. Reread your post #182 and perhaps you’ll see what I mean.</p>
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<p>Mollie you crack me up!!! Perfect description!!!</p>
<p>alwaysamom,
I hear what you are saying. </p>
<p>Where I have a problem is the notion that, because the event is uber-luxurious-expensive, the guests are expected to give uber-expensive-luxurious gifts or pay for an expensive trip to an all-inclusive resort to attend so as not to offend the hosts. I go back to: have the wedding you want and can afford; invite the people you care about; have fun; be happy.</p>
<p>Clarification: What I dislike are the brides who see this process as a pass to act like a petulent brat who demands everyone’s attention, the bride (and the groom at times) who believes that this is the time when they can act out demanding everything be the way they want it to be. I remember reading a Dear Abby column when a bride wanted to uninvite her sister as a bridesmaid because she had gained 10 pounds and would ruin the “look” of the wedding. This is what I dislike. </p>
<p>I love a good party. What I dislike is the cycle of engagement/wedding where there seems to be a license to act out.</p>
<p>I had a smallish wedding with all of the trimming but definitely on a budget. However, I did get a large range of gifts from extravagant to downright cheap. One person gave me an obviously regifted dessert dish set with a mashed box that was sort of reconstructed and the 2 on the box crossed out to one as there was only one leaf dish repackaged in the box. Just the way it works. </p>
<p>As for extravagant weddings, my brothers really outdid themselves. One had a true fairytale wedding in Europe, the other at a mansion in NY with symphony and opera musicians as entertainment. No problem with me. I do not give gifts commensurate to the wedding. That is entirely up to those planning the wedding.</p>
<p>If you are uncomfortable going to a wedding, then don’t go. You don’t have to spend a lot on a gift; there are some very appropriate, nice items that do not cost much. </p>
<p>We’ve never had graduation parties for our kids. We have dinner out; just family and maybe a close friend or two, but that is it. But I certainly don’t have any problem with those who choose to have an extravaganza to celebrate. Where I would have a problem, is if they look down on my choices. I don’t look down on theirs.</p>
<p>I say: don’t stiff the clergyperson; pay your vendors; give a portion of the cash gifts to charity, act with gratitude not brattiness throughout the planning…and have a blast! </p>
<p>If a family has the money and wants to spend it this way, it’s theirs to celebrate, IMHO. Pressure felt by families who can’t afford same is sometimes of their own making, and not the fault of the person who throws a big party. An invitation isn’t a summons. A gift isn’t an entry ticket. </p>
<p>Just don’t go if you don’t like to be fed delicious food, hear a nice band, and celebrate with bride and groom… or bride-and-bride, groom-and-groom.</p>
<p>cptof thehouse, I think we should be friends, I like the way you think. :)</p>
<p>Thanks, Mafool. A few years ago, some acquaintances invited us to their daughter’s wedding at the W in Manhattan. The problem for us was that it was an ultra formal wedding with all men requested to be in “black tie” attire. My husband really did not want to rent a tux (his was too tight to wear, still is) and neither of us felt like going to something so formal for folks we did not know very well. So we declined the invitation. No problem at all.</p>
<p>Had it been for someone that was close to us and we felt we really should go, say one of the cousins we know, or maybe one of our kids, well, we would have bit the bullet and gone. Not the sort of thing we do so often that it is a real crimp in our lives. But the gift would not reflect for an instant, what the cost of the wedding is. The kid who elopes will get the same gift consideration as the one who has a gala. In fact the eloper may get more if we pitch in monetarily for the wedding. And just as with colleges, we will have our budget constraints on what we can pay towards our kids’ weddings. This is not an organ transplant, so it is not a do all or bust situation.</p>
<p>I think a gift registry is good for the couple who is just starting out–like right out of college. They will need alot of the basic kitchen tools, etc. Sheets, towels, etc. I think it’s fun to help set a couple up in this way. And a gift of money is very useful, too, as a hunk of cash is good for downpayments on car, apartment, furniture. </p>
<p>However, when both parties have been on their own for a number of years, I assume that they have accumulated the household basics between them, and I think a registry is tacky. Like asking for gifts. And I won’t buy extravagant formal china or glassware for anybody. </p>
<p>If a couple is moving into a house, I frequently give a gift of 100 daffodil bulbs with a basket of hand gardening tools.</p>