<p>
</p>
<p>And what do you consider extravagant? We use Wedgewood, Minton, Royal Doulton, et al every day. Is that “extravagant”? </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>A nice idea, but unless you donate the labor, too, that sounds like cruel and unusual punishment to me! :D</p>
<p>To me, the idea is to get something the couple will enjoy…my opinion of their china pattern doesn’t really matter.</p>
<p>As I’ve posted in other threads…my own kid is getting married soon. I’m excited! </p>
<p>I think everyone should be allowed to celebrate the day their way. If you don’t think the way a wedding is being celebrated, just decline the invitation. </p>
<p>Kleinfeld’s --the store featured in “Say Yes to the Dress” --sells a LOT of dresses in the $1800-$2500 range and it’s HARD to find a USED dress at Bridal Garden in that range–or at least it was when we looked. Most of the dresses were in the $4,000-$6000 range. There was one rack of $500 dresses but almost all were in “sample” sizes, which are ususally about size 12-14. (Real size about a 10-12.) You CAN get lucky, but it’s the sort of place you have to go mulitple times. Almost all the dresses need to be dry cleaned, which runs about $250 here in NYC. I’d conservatively estimate that half the dresses we looked at needed fairly major repairs. The most common was a broken zipper. </p>
<p>Bridal Garden works best for the bride who wants a $8,000-12,000 designer gown and is willing to pay at least half price for a used one. Again, I won’t deny that you can get lucky–especially if you wear a larger size–not plus size, just larger.</p>
<p>Jonri: Congratulations!!! I hope that you and your family will have a wonderful celebration.</p>
<p>Thank you for the insider information of Kleinfeld’s and the Bridal Garden. We live in a very affluent area and I couln’t imagine (the only wedding gowns that I “know” that were purchased in the last 10 years was one from a store called David’s Bridal (the salesperson should have been shot…a strapless gown on a 38 G…didn’t stay up all evening) and a $10,000 (almost 9 years ago) designer gown that was VERY simple (a satin fitted gown) that did look lovely…but $10,000.</p>
<p>My favorite story about wedding gowns? I was walking through Neiman Marcus and there was a trunk show for a major designer. The models were walking around (spring/summer collection) in pastel and white gowns. There was one dress, evening gown, that caught my eye…ivory satin, deep back…really beautiful. I asked one of the designers what was the difference between this evening gown and one of their wedding dresses?</p>
<p>“About $10,000 and a veil.” was the reply.</p>
<p>It wasn’t cheap…but had one of my daughters been engaged they would have been there in a nano second.</p>
<p>If a couple registers for
I will probably purchase a few pieces, because
a. I love the stuff.
b. It is so much fun to play dress-up and entertain that way until you get to the place where you want to use it more frequently.
c. it is not the kind of thing most young couples would buy for themselves.</p>
<p>I don’t know if it is still a possibility, but those within reasonable distance of Manhattan might consider the Bridal Building. On Saturdays, they offer the ability to go in and order direct from the manufacturers. It’s a bit of a mob scene, but I got my dress–silk organza–from the maker for $300. Admittedly, that was 1985, but the dresses I liked at the stores were at least $2K then.</p>
<p>Thanks, mafool. That’s exactly why we registered for crystal and adopted my grandmother’s table settings.</p>
<p>I love having my grandmother’s china and silver, and having the crystal and table linens that we registered for. We’re the designated hosts for holidays, and in the year and a half since we got married, we’ve hosted two Easters (one dinner, with a crown roast of lamb etc., and one brunch with honey-thyme roasted ham, thick-cut cinnamon french toast, and belgian waffles with pearl sugar, mimosas, etc.), one Christmas (ice-brined over night and roasted a whole turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, Waldorf salad, homemade cranberry sauce, etc.), and a dinner party (ravioli with pasta from scratch and three different fillings, along with fresh butter and sage from my garden, and then limoncello and fresh ground Costa Rican coffee with prosciutto-wrapped melon as we digested and laughed and chatted). </p>
<p>Despite our 800 SF of living space, we invite all our friends and family over and never have fewer than ten or twelve people show, snuggled around beautifully-set card tables and my grandma’s large wooden table. We’re all newlyweds and recent grads, and my husband and I are the “friends who cook”. As is the case with inherited dining room sets and the possession of demitasse spoons, there’s a bit of noblesse oblige that goes along with having such nice things, and that tiny sense of obligation is enough to remind us to throw these parties to celebrate the little triumphs of late-twenties/early-thirties life. Judging by the number of our friends who now ask whether we’re doing anything for (fill in the blank fancy holiday), and how much laughing and happiness there is when we get together, they enjoy it, too. My husband and I thoroughly love being able to provide a nice meal with cloth napkins and nice silverware and bone china and crystal wine glasses for our friends. </p>
<p>Things like china and crystal can be a special wedding present that, if a couple likes to entertain and cook, can offer an endless future of special holidays and dinners. I can see how, long into the future, my children and grandchildren will gather around this table, drink from these wine glasses, gently play with the little demitasse spoons knowing that they were their great-, or even great-great grandmother’s, whom I adored as a child. The silent reverence of a fully-set table before a great meal, with crystal glinting and silver sparkling while everyone is boisterously visiting in the other room, reminds me of family when I was a child. I enjoy being a generous custodian of that sense of sharing something special with my friends and family, and it couldn’t have been done if so many of our loved ones hadn’t contributed napkins and tablecloths and crystal. I am grateful to be able to give a beautiful dinner or a joy-filled holiday back to them in thanks.</p>
<p>So… one young, recent bride’s thoughts on crystal and china. There’s so little that is sacred in this world anymore, and nobody dresses up to go to the opera. There are so few opportunities to just stop and do something special, and bask in the gloriousness of packing your small home to the gills with your loved ones and celebrating with the full knowledge that you’re living a memory that you’ll have for the rest of your life. The little things-- the cloth cocktail napkins, the silver sugar spoon, the sun casting rainbows through the crystal, the laughter, the happy calm after everyone starts eating-- remind you that these gatherings are highlighted as being deeply special to everyone there. It’s a great experience.</p>
<p>I don’t see it as an extravagance at all… I see it as the roots of our tradition as a couple.</p>
<p>UGH!! Just wrote a long reply and it disappeared.</p>
<p>OK… as I was saying - our kids are not old enough that the weddings have started to hit us yet, but I’m sure it will soon. But I have not had a ‘normal’ wedding invitation experience with the last three, and am feeling frustrated already. One of my nieces got married a couple of years ago… small, immediate family only in my brother’s house. Since there was no travel involved for us, I spent a bit more than I would usually on a gift, and got them a KitchenAid mixer from Williams-Sonoma (on their registry). Just found out this past weekend, they’re likely getting a divorce… I hope she gets to keep the mixer! A second niece got married last fall, and we received a ‘last-minute’ invitation when they decided they didn’t want to go small. With two weeks notice, we couldn’t manage the travel (you might remember the dysfunctional family thread I started over this in February when I was chastised by my brother for not showing up), financially, or logistically, so I sent a very generous gift card for Williams-Sonoma when I found out they had purchased a house. That was two months ago, and I’ve not heard a word from them (however, I do know that moving itself can be cause for a chaotic life); I’m trying to figure out if I can somehow call Williams-Sonoma and see if the card has been used, and not lost in the mail, although I sent it a full month before they moved. </p>
<p>Then, we’ve been invited to a wedding of a family friend this summer that I’ve sort of lost interest in going to. I assumed our kids would be invited, but they weren’t, and I will know not a soul there (other than the groom) other than my husband. It’s a second marriage for one of them, and a first for the other. The groom has been financially wealthy enough to retire in his early 40s and live very luxuriously. Since they’re older, I was hoping they wouldn’t register because any gift we would give would seem so inadequate, but they did. We are also spending a small fortune just in travel/accomodations. Don’t get me wrong - I’m very happy for them; it’s just that it’s very likely I’ll never see anyone from that wedding ever again (other than the bride and groom, and even them, maybe once a year or so if our daughter continues to live in his part of the country). I just want a normal wedding where I know what to do!</p>
<p>Thanks for the mention of replacements.com upthread. I have a co-worker who told me a few weeks ago that Waterford is no longer in existence… they’ve closed shop. She was trying to locate a few pieces to complete some sets for her daughters, and I knew there was a website out there, but couldn’t remember the name. I will pass it along to her. Who’d thunk Waterford would ever go out of business?</p>
<p>I don’t begrudge anyone the type of wedding or wedding dress they choose any more than I begrudge anyone the model of car they drive or where they get their hair cut. It’s not my business how anyone spends their money. What does antagonize me is greed.</p>
<p>H’s niece got married last summer–second time around. We were invited to an engagement party in the spring, with gift registry info included with the invitation. We dutifully chose a gift from the registry. A month later I got invited to shower given by the bride’s sister, with the registry info included again! (And it wasn’t a surprise; the bride was well aware of the event and the guest list.) I was steamed at the greediness and declined to attend. I can’t even imagine how one begins to justify a shower for a woman who 1) was married before and got a full complement of shower gifts the first time around; 2) has been living with her fiance in a perfectly well-equipped condo for a year; and 3) just collected a bunch of gifts at an engagement party. And then to invite people who have already attended your engagement party and given you a gift? Showers can be a fun “girls only” way to celebrate, but under these circumstances it would have been far more appropriate to ask that each guest bring a favorite recipe or a favorite memory of the bride to share. I’ll only add that the wedding was last July and the thank-you note for our generous cash gift came last week. Do you suppose they were buried under the boatload of gifts and took all these months to break free?</p>
<p>Move to the south, and you will sit with your jaw dropped as you read their wedding announcement. One bride had 10 showers/parties within a yr engagement. SHe had an engagement party, a bridal shower, a cocktail/bar themed shower, a kitchne themed shower, a lingerie themed shower, a his and her themed shower, an outdoor themed shower…when I was done reading it I wondered if she had maybe one more month in the engagement she could have had the trousseau shower too! What was more amazing is you went from that announcement and the next one was the same :eek:</p>
<p>Many couples today order thank you cards from their photographer so that a photo from the special day can be included. These can take from three to four months to be received, and then they have to be written. So, I wouldn’t be upset not to have received a card by two months after the wedding. There’s no excuse for ten months, though! One suggestion to those who are planning weddings now, make sure the bride keeps a copy of the guestlist so that she has the addresses they’ll need for thank you notes. As gifts come in, and are opened, write what each guest has given you (in detail), on the list. It’s a busy time and you don’t want to mix things up and try to remember months later when you’re writing a thank you.</p>
<p>If you’re the type of bride who will get presents mailed to you (as opposed to being brought to the wedding) its downright rude not to let the sender know as soon as possible that you received it. I think this holds true for anything that’s sent, including flowers or Xmas gifts, whatever. Its just common courtesy.</p>
<p>I agree. I went to a wedding a yr ago for my cousins son. I bought online off of their registry had it sent a month before the wedding, and felt horrible, but asked them did you receive it? If you receive a gift via the mail/Fedex/UPS weeks prior to the wedding just send a regular thank you card that you can buy in boxes of 10 at Target. Nobody keeps the wedding picture ones anyway. It is more important that you acknowledge it.</p>
<p>BTW they had the most inane registry I ever saw. Their list compromised of 4 towels, 1 set of sheets, calphalon pans, couple of glasses, a set of everyday china, Kitchen Aid mixer, a $250 down quilted mattress protector and then this…XBOX, XBOX accessories (controllers, memory cards) XBOX games,(5 different ones) 2 Gaming Chairs, folding chairs, air mattress, Poker Card table, flashlight, batteries and a GPS (the TomTom type). I thought I was furnishing my 18 yr olds college apartment, not a 25 yr old married couple. Seriously, how do you take a couple serious when they want an XBOX over, I don’t know silly things like toasters, blenders, towels, sheets, silverware?</p>
<p>And no they did not live together prior to the marriage, both lived at home with their folks!</p>
<p>Came to find out from my cousin, the blow up mattress was what they decided to use as their everyday bed. The folding chairs were for the kitchen. They were going to just put a piece of plywood over the poker table when they weren’t playing and use that as their kitchen table. BTW did I tell you the couple BOTH have MASTERS from Private SEMI IVY LEAGUE COLLEGES and are 25!</p>
<p>I disagree, dke. The majority of wedding gifts these days are not brought to the wedding. I wouldn’t expect a bride to be making phone calls as each gift arrives. Some couples don’t even open the gifts as they arrive, some even wait until after the honeymoon. Receiving flowers or Christmas gifts isn’t the same, in my opinion. Presumably you’re not receiving hundreds of orders of flowers or Christmas gifts at once! </p>
<p>My my, you people sure can find a lot to complain about!</p>
<p>
I agree wholeheartedly with this. It’s not my business how anyone spends their money. It is, however, my business how someone tells me that I must spend my money. I am not interested in funding your honeymoon, “paying” for my plate, having a cash bar, or funding the dream wedding you want but cannot afford.</p>
<p>The latest trend in shower thank you notes is to have the guests address their own envelopes for the thank you cards, because the bride is “too busy” to do so herself! Sorry, but if she’s too busy for that, I’m too busy to go to the registry, select the gift, pay for it, wrap it, bring it, etc.</p>
<p>Chedva, where is that a trend? I’ve never heard of such a thing and with 5Ds, I can assure you I’ve been to lots of showers in the past five years!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Absolutely!! Totally with you, Chedva. I am a stickler for having my kids get thank-you notes out within a day or two of receiving something. Any bride with any brains whatsoever could figure out how to stamp and address her thank-you note envelopes before the shower, then take a half hour after to write the thank-yous and plop them in.</p>
<p>I would not expect a phone call, and I wouldn’t expect a card if it is a week before the wedding, but when it is a month out, than acknowledge it. Maybe I am somebody that was wierd, but when the gift box came I opened it and did not wait until after the wedding. However, I must state where I am originally from we do not give gifts unless we are not very close. We give checks. In the south, it is uncommon to give a check and common to give a present. It really is interesting to see the differences. In the North East weddings are a huge to-do, and costing way into the 50K marker, with high end cocktail hours and sit down dinners in a hotel. In the South, it always seemed more about inviting everybody and having a party, than inviting selected guests who got dressed up for the night. In the North East a day time reception is rare, not so much in the South East.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I am normally a cheapskate about a lot of things, but one thing I’m glad that I’ve spent money on over the years has been entertaining for special occasions, special birthdays, bar/bat mitzvah, etc. I don’t consider it “wasted” or “extravagant” to entertain those who are dear to me in a nice style, and frankly I’d rather show friends / family a good time, than do something cheaply and give the remaining money directly to my child. I don’t think that’s hospitable, at all. </p>
<p>I’m giving my children the gift of a paid-for college education – it’s for them to earn their way forth in this world for down payments for houses and what-not.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I hate gardening (and don’t do it). I grow nothing. The thought is lovely, but I would not have appreciated that gift, at all!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It takes 5 minutes to write a thank you note to someone – or these days, with email, even quicker to dash off a quick “I got the xxxx - loved it!” before the written thank you note comes. What excuse do they have for not opening the gifts as soon as they arrive? If nothing else, to ensure they arrived safely / unbroken / the right pattern, etc.</p>