<p>There are some beautiful silvery metal ice buckets that are really nice and well-designed–I think if you see them you’d see why they cost more than a buck. But still, I get your general point. $50 a person would be nice down payment on a car, but unfortunately it costs far more than that to feed each guest for most weddings at least here, so it’s a net loss usually. Of course, if mom and dad are paying and kid keeps the loot, then not so much. Yeah, I find registries a bit deflating, too. I usually go to a place where people make beautiful handcrafts and buy something unique. Gives me a chance to support the arts, and give something special.</p>
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I totally agree with you. When going to the wedding of someone I know well I give a well thought out gift. But if I don’t know them well enough, I tend to pick something out of the registry because it makes it easier on the couple.</p>
<p>But from the point of view of the couplle: People WANT you to register. If you don’t automatically include where you are registered with the invitation (which Miss manners says is inappropriate) they call and ask. It’s a no win situation. </p>
<p>So for those who would prefer to not buy from the registry, my opinion is to go ahead and do that. The couple is just trying to make it easier for you by registering.</p>
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And no fun! Either for the buyer or the recipient
Actually, Miss Manners also hates registries. She considers them crass demands for gifts. According to her, a gift is never required. It is voluntary. One should give what one wishes to give, and what one can afford, and the recipient should show gratitude even if it’s something he or she didn’t want.
Neither did we. I chose a (reasonably priced) china pattern, but didn’t tell anyone until they asked my mother. We got some pieces, and bought the rest we wanted with some of the wedding money we got (not considered tacky in our culture). Yes, we got some gifts we hated, but there are some things I’d never have considered registering for that we still use 26 years later!</p>
<p>We use our silver (plated) ice bucket every time people come over! I bought it, didn’t register for it. What I resent is what another poster wrote: the over the top priced gifts like luxury King sheet sets for hundreds of dollars, etc. or highly priced china. It seems greedy to me. We registered and tried to keep prices very much in line with what we thought our guests would want to shell out.</p>
<p>Between shower gifts and wedding gifts, I think we received 4 or 5 ice buckets! We got a huge silver plated one, a small glass one with silver handle, and a couple of plastic insulated ones that are great for casual parties. We’ve been married for 24 years, though, and I don’t think we’ve ever used the silver one. We only used the glass one once. And although we did use a registry, we didn’t register for any ice buckets!</p>
<p>Back in 1985 when we were poor, recently graduated students setting up a home for the first time, we were too cool to register for wedding presents. It seemed so tacky. What we received was an enormous, non-returnable, very ornate, and very expensive silver tea set from my husband’s sweet but clueless buddies. (They were all recent immigrants and I can only assume that this was a typical wedding present in their country.) It sat in a cupboard in my Mom’s house, slowly oxidizing, until we donated it to charity several years letter.</p>
<p>So…swallow your pride and register. People WANT help in choosing gifts. If you don’t, I have (or had) a silver tea set for you.</p>
<p>We did register and got way too many placemats from our poor grad student friends. We still use them though - so I can’t say they weren’t useful. My favorite present - which was not on our registry - was a pottery vase made of three tiny vases put together. It’s the right size to stick some herbs in when they are in bloom, or even some weeds or wildflowers in. And when you put it on the dining table everyone can still see over it.</p>
<p>I happen to like gift registries. I like to know that I am buying something the couple wants/needs. Recently ordered a wedding shower gift from the Target registry for H’s niece.
Items were all price ranges, many not expensive at all. The items I chose were not necessarily the things I would have chosen for my own home, but everyone has different tastes.
If there hadn’t been any items in my price range, I would have gone with a gift card. I don’t believe the couple would have been offended at all. I am not a “shopper” (OK , I hate shopping), so the registries are great for people like me.</p>
<p>Recently attended the wedding of a neighbor’s son that grew up with our son. We have not seen them a lot over the past few years so was not comfortable with just shopping since I did not know what they had. They did not include registry info in the invitation, but guess what, Google is a great search tool. It did not take long to turn up their wedding page and find the registries.</p>
<p>I never registered or had a shower - at the time I did feel it was asking for presents. Most people in my family give checks for a wedding anyway. Predictably, however, between engagement and wedding gifts, I ended up with at least six decanters - I don’t think I’ve ever used a single one! Today, I see nothing wrong with a gift registry, but I would have family share by word-of-mouth if people asked.</p>
<p>Actually, I never had a nice ice bucket and ended up buying myself one. It’s probably one of my favorite (and most frequently used) serving pieces for entertaining. A high priced item on a registry doesn’t bother me either ( someone may know that close relatives or friends of the parents generally DO spend that much), but if you are going to register, I think it’s considerate to have gifts at various price points. In general, I use gift registries to pick out an engagement or shower gift - whereas I give a check ( as Chevda says, quite traditional in my circles) at the wedding itself.</p>
<p>Son’s friend is marrying soon and will be living on the other side of the country. She registered at Target, and suggested to those who asked that gifts be shipped to the town where they are living. I’m sure that most of their friends will do the whole thing on line.</p>
<p>My girlfriend’s daughter registered for EVERYTHING…including Lismore (Waterford) brandy snifters (12) and Lismore cordial glasses. At the time they were $80 each. But then again, she was an “entitled” bride. (The wedding was a $130,000 and that was 10 years ago!)</p>
<p>We are invited to a wedding this summer. The bride is a born again (not religion) health nut. Nothing with lead in it…no steak knives because they are vegetarians. But, since I am helping to give the shower I am part of an $800 vacuum cleaner gift. (Ours cost $100) And that is for the shower gift. The wedding gift is a whole other story…and since it is a destination wedding…this is costing a trip to Hawaii (and we’re not going to Hawaii!)</p>
<p>Forty dollars for an ice bucket? Sign me up for the bucket…and the matching glassware. At least this couple knows the value of a buck.</p>
<p>Is “No Gift Please” out of fashion?</p>
<p>I like the gift registry; as Aibarr said, you avoid receiving duplicate gifts and get what you need. Since people expect to give gifts for a wedding, I don’t see it as asking. It’s also not necessary to register at super expensive stores and having gifts in all price ranges helps everyone…imho</p>
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Anyone who’s willing to toss $130K at a wedding doesn’t need gifts, registry or otherwise.</p>
<p>We did a registry back in 1983. We had lots of small gifts on the list, as most of the folks who came were current/recent college students (like us) and had no money. A few folks got together and got us “bigger gifts” (a set of canisters and matching utensils).</p>
<p>Our china was $20/per placesetting. My parents got us the basic service for eight and a couple of friends filled in with a few other items. It’s been long since discontinued, but I have seem pieces available of EBay.</p>
<p>Had there been Targets or Home Depots w/registries back then in our area, we would have registered at some place like that. Much more our speed and budget.</p>
<p>We eat out on the back porch all the time, and the ice bucket would get more use for dinner than for company! Maybe I should ask for one for Mother’s Day. ;)</p>
<p>My friend wound up splitting the cost of the crib sheet and towel with her D. This was for her D’s friend’s baby shower.</p>
<p>UGH at the thought of having a wedding to make a profit. We had 30 people stay at our apartment over the course of our wedding, including on our wedding night – noone had money for hotels, we cooked and folks had a blast. If I had to do it over again, I would have NOT had it in December and had a big casual outdoor BBQ.</p>
<p>The notion of gifts having to “cover the plate” is just dreadful.</p>
<p>Guests should be invited because they are important to the families involved. The wedding should be of a type and scale that is affordable for the hosts.</p>
<p>Wedding gifts should be freely given and separate from all that; no quid pro quo.</p>
<p>I’ve been to several weddings recently where the scale of food is unbelievable. First, you get served a gigantic buffet of all-you-can eat sushi, lox on little pieces of pumpernickel, lamb chops by the bucketful, sliced roast beef and turkey, and eight million other delicacies of this type–and THEN you go into dinner and have the sorbet, salad, Filet mignon, cake, etc!</p>
<p>You know the only (ok…not only) thing about the last type of wedding? You really can’t ask for a to go box for the dinner. It is in terrible taste to do that…oh wait, we did. (Not my husband, he can eat forever.) My girls and I asked the waiter…very nicely…if they could pack up our dinners since we couldn’t eat a bite. (There is a “problem” with spoilage which is why they don’t want to pack up dinners.) The waiter hesitated a minute and then agreed. We had enough prime rib for 5 of us the next evening…with leftovers.</p>
<p>I remember being really grossed out when Trump married his ?? 3rd? wife, the one he’s married to now. Someone like that registering for presents? As my mother would have said, “Not in good taste, Dear!”</p>