<p>I don’t see how registering is a demand for gifts. Do people actually attend a wedding without giving a gift? Registries are just a suggestion. It’s not as though you have an obligation to choose a gift from the registry! My D and her fiance chose a variety of items for their registry, with a real range in price. There were many inexpensively priced items as well as the china and crystal they chose, which were definitely pricey. Family members, and a few longtime friends, were very generous with ordering a place setting of their china or a few pieces of their crystal. I’m not sure why anyone would resent the fact that expensive gifts are on the registry. Some people do give expensive gifts, everyone should be able to choose a nice gift in their price range that they know will be wanted. One reason that many brides put expensive items on registry is that in many stores now, anything on the registry will be available to the bride and groom forever at a discounted price.</p>
<p>I agree it is not a demand for gifts. The bride that I mentioned had, as its least expensive item, a $250 vase. And as the bride said at a shower, “No one would give ONE glass. That’s tacky.” Ok…</p>
<p>^^^^^^Then I would feel free to shop outside the list.</p>
<p>I actually think $40 for an ice bucket is not that bad. Try pricing a dinner plate in a fine china pattern. We received 2 ice buckets when we married over 20 years ago. I’ve used the crystal one, but recently gave the plastic one away. We registered for the typical china, silver and crystal, and gratefully accepted anything else that was given.</p>
<p>I agree with alwaysamom. People should feel free to give whatever they feel comfortable giving. Even if I don’t choose an item from a registry, I like to look to get a sense of the couple’s style, needs and color palette. I want my gift to be something the couple will hopefully like and use and the registry is a nice guide. I am not at all offended by the inclusion of higher priced items. I just buy something in my price range or several times have gotten together with a few friends or relatives to purchase a bigger group gift. I have gotten a place setting of china or crystal for those close to me and my family, but I never felt that a high priced gift was expected.</p>
<p>BTW-I don’t think $39 for an ice bucket is bad at all. We use ours at holidays and every time we have company.</p>
<p>I used to think that registries were tacky until people I knew started getting married. 
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<p>Then I realized that it was nice to know what they liked. I prefer to get someone something that I know they would like, and I don’t expect others to share my taste. I certainly don’t regard registering as a “demand” for gifts, and I certainly don’t feel obligated to get something from the registry. But if they’ve already received a dozen wine glasses or a dozen placemats and napkins, it’s nice to know so that I can get something they don’t already have that will make their married life a little more gracious.</p>
<p>When I got married we had no showers. I tend to regard showers for people who have been living on their own for a while as gift extortion, pure and simple. If you want to celebrate the marriage with friends, give a luncheon. I do think it’s fun if good friends do something like hold a coeducational “wine shower,” but that’s more of a celebratory party.</p>
<p>On the other hand, when we got married, I already owned more china than most people accumulate in a lifetime, thanks to the Harrods sales. I also owned plenty of kitchenware, since I liked to cook and entertain. The one thing I didn’t have was silver. So in response to the universal demand that we register for something, we registered for silver. My view was that if people wanted to use the registry, I would be perfectly happy if someone gave me a teaspoon or a fork. I certainly didn’t expect them to buy whole place settings. And if I was going to register for silver, I was going to register for silver that I liked. It wasn’t the most expensive alternative, but it wasn’t the cheapest, either.</p>
<p>I think that $40 for a nice ice bucket that one can use for a lifetime is perfectly reasonable.</p>
<p>I think wedding registries are okay. They’re an option, not a necessity.</p>
<p>I don’t think a $40 ice bucket sounds outrageous. A pretty crystal or silver ice bucket can look nice at a party. I received a Tiffany ice bucket 20+ years ago and I’m sure it cost more than $40 back then. Sorry, in the realm of outrageous, that’s nowhere near outrageous.</p>
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<p>Plenty of people who live in apartments here have grills; not sure what’s so surprising about that! Besides, people might chip in on gifts like that. We received a nice grill from two families (both friends of H’s parents) – they wanted to give a big gift.</p>
<p>“Anyone who’s willing to toss $130K at a wedding doesn’t need gifts, registry or otherwise.”</p>
<p>$130 K is the initial price. After the gift subsidy the cost would be considerably lower.</p>
<p>The wedding was a $130,000 and that was 10 years ago!) </p>
<p>Anyone who’s willing to toss $130K at a wedding doesn’t need gifts, registry or otherwise. "</p>
<p>But their children-- the bride and groom – might. I had a lavish wedding because that’s how my parents entertained, but I was just starting out with my first out of college job, dh was still in graduate school, we really did need the placemats and blenders and everyday dishes and so forth. Our parents’ gifts to us were our education and the chance to travel – not placemats and blenders and dishes and all the other accoutrements of setting up a household.</p>
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<p>Completely agree! I think it’s distasteful to mentally calculate what’s being spent and think that you “owe” that cost. You give what you can afford and what is appropriate – I’m going to be generous with someone I care about, and not modulate it based on whether their wedding at the Ritz or in their backyard with punch and cake.</p>
<p>The “kids” of the $130,000 wedding? The bride did all the planning…daddy did all the paying. The parents would have given them the money…had they asked. They didn’t ask…they asked after the wedding. (Can you hear the disdain in my voice?) The only thing the the newlyweds paid for? A special dance floor and satin coverings on the seats. I must confess that I was wearing a silk dress…the first time I sat at my seat I almost slipped out of it…it was that slippery. I spent the whole evening holding onto my chair…and I wasn’t the only one.</p>
<p>I guess the thing that gets me about these ridiculous weddings is 1. first of all, why do middle class people feel as if they have to throw the Royal Wedding? After you’ve been to a few of these gargantuan feasts, they aren’t all that special anymore. It’s actually a little depressing to sit down to a large plate of dinner ten minutes after you’ve eaten a large meal. Or, alternately, it’s frustrating to see a huge amount of delicious food that you don’t want to touch because it’ s just before your dinner. You’re also wearing something fancy so you don’t want your belly hanging out, no doubt. The other frustrating thing is that people who want to be more moderate have a hard time finding a place that caters to their needs.</p>
<p>($130K wedding - 10 years ago)
But here’s the child…
…so apparently the kid isn’t in need of many basic items and has a warped sense of value.</p>
<p>The problem is that weddings have become an industry and of course department stores, hotels, resorts, and any other money-makers (photographers, florists, caterers, etc.) are fostering as much spending as they possibly can. Many people who really can’t afford it are sinking huge sums into over the top wedding ceremonies/parties. I suppose it’s fine for people who can really afford it but I’ve seen some people extend more than they should. $130K can buy a house/condo in some places or a significant down payment everywhere else. I think of $130K as equal to a a full-pay UC education plus a study-abroad plus a new car or down payment on a condo. So this over-the-top couple with their expensive expectations is going to intimidate some of their guests unless they’re all in the same financial situation as the parents appear to be in by setting the bar at around $250 on up.</p>
<p>Speaking as someone who does wedding favors, I wish more of those big spenders would come my way!</p>
<p>^^ What kind of wedding favors?</p>
<p>My parents gave both my sister and me very nice weddings, but they wouldn’t have given me the money instead. I don’t see why they should have. They gave me the education to make my own money; why would they hand me money to live on as an adult? ( barring exceptional circumstances) I don’t get that, any more than I get the concept of giving my kids the remainder of the college tuition they don’t spend if they decide to go to our state flagship instead. It was my parents’ money that paid for my wedding; it was their generous gift / gesture but I wasn’t entitled to ask them to give half to me. </p>
<p>And what’s the big deal about satin seat covers? They are hardly elite or extravagant. I had them for my kids’ b’nai mitzvah. They made the room look especially pretty and the florist sure appreciated it. To Consolation’s point, one person’s over the top is another person’s livelihood.</p>
<p>Ellebud, I paid for exactly zero for my wedding. I was 21 years old at the time. I had parents who were well to do and were within their means we had parties all weekend long - bridesmaids luncheon, pool party, rehearsal dinner hosted by my in laws and a brunch the day after the wedding (it was a 3 day holuday weekend) I did give my parents a lovely memento as a thank you and was very grateful. I’m not sure what’s the big deal about the newlyweds not paying. I had a fancy college education under my belt but probably only $2000 to my name saved from summer jobs and the like. Why should I have paid if my parents were totally happy to pay? I wasn’t asking or demanding a wedding in a certain style.</p>
<p>I do agree that it’s inconsiderate and boorish to only have expensive items on a registry. Especially if it’s a young couple with friends in the just-married stage of life. I remember the days of getting creative with giving our friends nicely presented dishtowels, cake pans with homemade mixes etc- that’s all we could afford off their registries when we were newlyweds! Despite our lavish wedding, which was neither here nor there with regard to our finances.</p>