Riding In Cars With Boys? How Will My Daughter Come Home from College?

Archive Ask The Dean Archive
1

<p>Question: In September, my daughter will be attending a university in Boston, which is about five hours by car from our home. I’m nervous about her leaving home, but I’m obsessing even MORE about how she comes back. She’s already gathering names of other local underclassmen with cars who can drive her home for vacations […]</p>

<p>[View</a> the complete Q&A at CC’s Ask The Dean…](<a href=“http://www.collegeconfidential.com/dean/archives/riding-in-cars-with-boys-how-will-my-daughter-come-home-from-college.htm]View”>http://www.collegeconfidential.com/dean/archives/riding-in-cars-with-boys-how-will-my-daughter-come-home-from-college.htm)</p>

2

<p>No doubt as a good parent you’ve instilled in your college-age child the maturity and good judgment needed to manage five hours without supervision. Possibly you could put the word out in your own community and see if any other local parents have kids who are going to be traveling between Boston and your city. You might be more comfortable if you had a chance to get to know the driver’s parents, and perhaps you could pool resources for a safe rental vehicle, or similar?</p>

3

<p>It might also be worthwhile to check out the mass transit options, if there are any. If your daughter doesn’t feel confident in the driving ability of a student who offers her a ride, it might be nice to know whether there is a bus or train available.</p>

4

<p>Is this an issue of safety, or an issue of “not wanting to let go”?</p>

<p>Think about it.</p>

<p>Your D is five hours from home. Hopefully, she has the grades, upbringing, and common sense to manage her own time, course work, circle of friends, responsibilities. For all intents and purposes, she will be an unsupervised adult for at least the academic year, making her own choices, and hopefully weighing those choices and any resulting consequences.</p>

<p>I can understand the issue of safety, be it in someone else’s car, traveling by public transportation, or driving one’s own vehicle. In all aspects, it boils down to sound judgements, being aware of your surroundings, not making unsound choices. </p>

<p>As parents, we worry about the safety of our offspring, but hopefully have given them the caveats and background as they have grown-up that will enable them to assess situations and make rational and safe decisions.</p>

<p>I worried about both mine as undergrads. My son is slightly built, and as a performing musician carried (and still does) an extremely valuable stringed instrument through airports, train stations, and parking lots, often at odd hours and in less than desireable areas. My daughter is five-three, very attractive and the nature of her job puts her alone in a car in the wee hours.</p>

<p>Reinforce the caveats, but don’t be overbearing or dogmatic. Hopefully you’ve taught her well.</p>

<p>An aside: as for renting a car, investigate. Rates for those under twenty-one (female) or twenty-five (male) are usually ridiculously expensive, when and if they are available. As a performer, my son has needed a rental due to locations/durations of some of his festival performances. He is only able to rent as he supplements his income as a shuttle driver for one of the major car rental companies. Only his employee ID allows the age requirement to be waived, and only for that one agency.</p>

<p>As mentioned previously, seriously consider public transportation, and a Student Advantage type card that will allow discounted fares.</p>

5

<p>I used to shuttle people between Boston and New York for vacations by posting on the Ride Board at various schools. They paid for gas which was cheaper than a bus ticket and they got door-to-door service, I got a free trip. We all got good company. Eventually I had regulars. It was really quite a pleasant way to travel.</p>

6

<p>My D attends college about 60 miles north of Boston, which is 4 hours from our home. I was worried about the transportation issue too when she enrolled last year. A couple times she got rides with people she knew. Other times she took mass transit - train to Boston, train or bus to a city about 30 miles from us, we would then pick her up. The first time she took mass transit by herself I was very worried, but then again, they have to do this sooner or later and you have to trust their judgment. Not easy, but after the first time she was comfortable with the logistics.</p>

7

<p>Another option is to go and get her. We do it. She is 3.5 hours away. If it is 5 hours it is harder but doable.</p>

8

<p>Does she drive?</p>

9

<p>Does anyone else find it ironic that the 5 hour drive is the big deal as opposed to the living 5 hours away from the parents in the first place? She can take care of herself, but won’t make it sitting for 5 hours with friends?</p>

10

<br>

<br>

<p>It is somewhat ironic, but–statistically–she’s safer on campus (or even running around some city) than on the highway with a young driver at the wheel.</p>

<p>Parents, too, can often force themselves to repudiate the day-to-day realities of having a child far away, but once the child is home again, then the old worries kick in. For instance, they usually realize that a college student may be out until the wee hours of the morning, and they may have no idea where that child is. But, if the same thing happens during the vacation, when the child is home, then they freak out.</p>

<p>Likewise, as a child transitions to and from campus during school breaks, it’s as if he or she is returning to the parents’ purview, so their former fears–and their need for control–may return.</p>

11

<p>I think it’s a big deal too - we travel frequently throughout the northeast during the winter for my kids’ hockey and figure skating competitions and I have had some hair raising experiences in the Berkshires, Adirondacks, Lake Erie corridor, etc. even with 4WD! Since Xmas break involves 2 trips of winter travel, Thanksgiving is borderline, and even spring break can be blizzard season up here, we’re including flight/Amtrak costs in our budget for those 5 hour away schools! My D is a great driver and has a 4WD vehicle but there’s no way to overcome the inexperience with white-out conditions and ice! A lengthy drive with other kids in the car is, imo, not the time to learn!</p>