<p>How do you feel about roadside memorials set up in the places people die? Crosses, flowers, stuffed animals, signs, etc…</p>
<p>I have told my family that I will come back to haunt them if they set something like that up for me. I don’t want to be remembered for the freak accident or fiery crash that killed me, and I don’t want everyone driving by to have to see that every day. There are enough of them around, though, that they must serve a need for somebody.</p>
<p>Often it’s a young person who dies that way. If it makes the survivors feel better, it can’t be all bad. </p>
<p>If it does anything to slow down all the speeding, texting, yakking, tailgating drivers who are so dangerous, it has served a purpose. I wish I issued driver’s licenses. There were be far fewer on the road. </p>
<p>On a fairly major road near my workplace, there was one set up – it seemed to have been for a young child, maybe elementary school age, who had been killed - I got the sense when on a bike. It was upsetting and haunting to pass by it everyday, but of course my upset over it pales compared to the family’s. </p>
<p>Well hopefully, drivers (particularly teens) that see those memorials will be reminded of their mortality and the pain of those left behind… and be more careful.</p>
<p>*
I have told my family that I will come back to haunt them if they set something like that up for me. *</p>
<p>Interesting.
I haven’t met many people who admit to believing in ghosts.</p>
<p>I don’t mind roadside memorials. They are hopefully making someone feel better and a remembrance of a dangerous spot. I don’t think they should remain a permanent landmark however. </p>
<p>I find them upsetting, but I understand the need for the survivors, friends, admirers etc to place something at the scene of the tragic death in remembrance. A few months ago a local sports hero died in a 1 car accident (his own fault) and there was a huge roadside memorial. It still haunts me.</p>
<p>I think the need to memorialize is universal, but young people are unfamiliar with the rituals of funerals and cemeteries. To them, roadside memorials may seem more real.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, though, they can be upsetting to others. </p>
<p>When my kids were in elementary school, a horrible accident that killed two high school students took place across the street from their school. The resulting memorial was massive, and the property owners and the police tried to respect it as long as possible, out of consideration for the feelings of the high school community. But the continual reminder of the teenagers’ deaths was very upsetting to the elementary school students, who could not help but see it every day at recess.</p>
<p>How would you feel if such a memorial was erected adjacent to your property? Interesting perspective:</p>
<p><a href=“http://fcsl.edu/blogs/magazine/2014/01/09/the-crossroads-roadside-memorials-free-speech-the-establishment-clause/”>http://fcsl.edu/blogs/magazine/2014/01/09/the-crossroads-roadside-memorials-free-speech-the-establishment-clause/</a></p>
<p>I strongly dislike them on a variety of grounds, but would advocate tolerating the presence of one for some reasonable length of time. A month or two, perhaps. After that, if you feel a need to physically memorialize a family member in some place other than a graveyard or the like, do it on your own property.</p>
<p>I don’t mind them when I see them and they do remind me of dangerous turns etc. as well as human mortality. My BIL was killed in a bad head on collision and there wasn’t a roadside memorial but it was at an intersection that one has to pass through to get into town and it was a moment of silence every time we went through.</p>
<p>I do think there should be some official end to the mourning period when property owners and maintenance crews can respectfully remove things without being seen as callous or unfeeling. Otherwise the memorials are kind of squatting and taking over property rights. There is a period whereby campaign signs need to come down and we aren’t allowed to just erect our own personal messages and billboards on the public right of way or on property belonging to other people. </p>
<p>They can be distracting and our police department does try to discourage them but doesn’t actively dismantle them unless they are a serious traffic hazard. I would never erect or contribute to one, but it takes all kinds of folks to make a world and I believe it does provide some solace to some survivors, so I won’t judge.</p>
<p>Yes, but HImom, what if it were at the end of YOUR driveway, or within yards of YOUR house?</p>
<p>This was an issue close to a decade ago when a then high school senior was killed when his car hit a tree in someone’s yard. The wet teddy bears and dead flowers got to be a problem for the homeowners. I wouldn’t personally want a reminder of the spot where someone I loved died tragically , but that is just me.
There is one in the next county from us that has been there for several years . The city has been asked by residents to put a stop to it , but they do not. It is the mother that keeps the memorial going, complete with seasonal decor and candles burning. It is very sad , but I can’t judge the mother for how she grieves her loss.</p>
<p>I understand why people do them but I find them creepy. Especially since they are usually crosses which is not my preferred religious symbol. If it’s a green space, why not plant something special after a time so that the grieving people will still have a meaningful remembrance without upsetting anyone? </p>
<p>For grieving families whose loved one was killed by a drunk driver, at least in our state, the DOT offers an official way to memorialize the person who tragically died as well as to remind others of the dangers of drunk driving:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.wsdot.wa.gov/Operations/Traffic/Signs/duisign.htm”>http://www.wsdot.wa.gov/Operations/Traffic/Signs/duisign.htm</a></p>
<p>There are at least 2 such signs along the busy road my bus takes in the morning. </p>
<p>Yes, I can see where it is a problem and if it is on private property, the police may be called in to move the memorial and do so. Where different preferences and rights collide, it would seem the private property owners would likely trump sentimental considerations.</p>
<p>I also see vehicles with decals/painting/lettering commemorating the death of a loved one. I have always considered those pretty odd (and more common in some neighborhoods than others), but D says that it is likely the most valuable asset of some of these families and some do not have grave sites or other places to pay respect to their departed loved one. It still strikes a discordant note with me when I see vehicles decorated in this manner and have begged our kids never to do this.</p>
<p>^^I don’t like the vehicle memorials either and there are quite a few of them in our area. It tends to be more common among lower-SES people and I think your D might be right in that the mourners are using their vehicle as their most valuable asset to commemorate their loved one. </p>
<p>There was something in the local paper recently about how the first responders don’t like them as it brings back the memories of what they had to deal with there every time they pass by.</p>