Everyone is different, but I think I have the story you are hoping for. Hint, my username gives away the ending. And I am sorry you are going through this. I was working 80 hours a week when we did, so I didn’t really have time to be sad about it, plus I thought I was ok if we never had kids. W had time on her hands and a very different outlook. She was pretty depressed for a couple of years, and we almost lost some friends because it was just too hard emotionally for my wife to get together with them after they had a baby. So I get where you are coming from. I stopped what I was working on to answer when I saw this, because I know how depressing and hopeless this can feel. Hopefully you are handling it better than my W did.
After lots of pregnancy scares periodically when dating during college and when married but with horrible insurance in grad school (due to the irregularity that I am assuming you have as well with the PCOS) we were finally in the position to have a baby. After some time with no luck, W went to a fertility specialist who was in our network and was diagnosed with PCOS. She called me in tears after EVERY appointment. No bedside manner whatsoever, and apparently no awareness that this is a very emotional issue. We switched to a different doctor, I don’t remember if the network changed or if we just decided it was worth it to go out of network.
New doctor was completely different. After some initial tests, etc. started her on Clomid. The plan was to give that a try for a few cycles. Unfortunately, her body didn’t react well to it. Not an allergic reaction, but the effect wasn’t what was wanted. I think it released too many eggs but low quality or something. I don’t really remember the details, but after the first cycle they told us we could continue but that it was probably a waste of time. So we moved straight to IVF.
We were being agressive because we had $25,000 of insurance coverage (this was in 1999, so it went farther than it would now), after that no fertility coverage. So we didn’t want to waste any on treatment that wouldn’t work. We knew we probably had one shot at IVF, then would need to save for a year or 2 to try again. The IVF worked on the first try. I don’t know how it works now, but 20 years ago she went into the office and they took blood every morning. They then called in the afternoon and told her how many vials of what to inject. She was literally shooting up in the Shea Stadium parking lot one afternoon. Regardless of how the details went, and to be honest I don’t remember all of them, the IVF was successful on the first try.
Again back to the username, the doctor told her that the more times she got pregnant, the easier it would be for her to do it on her own. He said the first cycle or 2 after S1 was born was the most likely for her to get pregnant again. So as soon as we got the green light, we were trying. S2 was concieved on the first cycle after his brother was born. They are 11 months apart. D1 was born 2 years later, I would say a normal amount of trying, more really just not being careful and letting whatever happens happen. D2 was born a few years latter after W missed ONE birth control pill. So it is safe to say her fertility was restored fully. I got a vascetomy after that one.
Good luck, if you have any other questions feel free to PM me if you don’t want to post. I know this is difficult, but you will get through it.