Romani Jr is on the way

So I haven’t been on here for a while but I’m not sure where else to turn.

I’ve been trying to get pregnant for about a year now without luck. We went to a fertility specialist and I was dx’ed with PCOS (something the drs had long suspected but my symptoms went away when I got an implant so I didn’t pursue it) & I don’t ovulate. The dr doesn’t think I was ever pregnant when I thought I miscarried last year. Apparently because of where my cysts are, false positive pregnancies are common. (There’s more to that story but that’s the gist of it.)

Anyway, I’m on my first treatment cycle. I’ve been treated with letrozole (femara) and I have an ultrasound Sunday with a ovidrel shot follow-up assuming everything looks OK. I had a HORRIBLE reaction to the letrozole. It made me very sick and I broke out in giant hives all over my body. I never, ever react to medicine so it was quite a shock. If I don’t get pregnant this cycle, I’m not sure what the next steps are. (Our original plan was 3-4 cycles of this and IVF after if I’m still not pregnant… but the reaction throws a wrench in that plan.)

But because of all this, I’m feeling kind of down. My mom, sister, and sisters-in-law all got pregnant very easily so they’re no help. I went to a group therapy session at my infertility clinic but that was even worse since everyone there is still in the struggling stage. I tried a few other infertility-specific forums and ran into antivaxxers and/or super religious people everywhere so this is my next try lol.

So parents - I know stories from some of you but I need some uplift right now - who wants to share their fertility struggles with happy (child/ren) outcomes?

I don’t have any stories or help but I wanted to send you a hug. You’re such a supportive, helpful poster who has had enough struggles. All I can tell you is my brother and sis-in-law struggled and tried various methods and finally decided on adoption. Sure enough after bringing home their baby from China (long process) sis-in-law got pregnant within the year. I’m sure telling you to relax doesn’t help though.

First of all don’t be discouraged if you don’t get a lot of posts right now. The posting rate here is WAY down with the recent changes.

And I don’t have personal stories to share but from what I’ve heard from others, try to live your life as you normally would without letting this issue consume you/it. Take breaks between treatments/cycles if that helps you mentally.

A year without results seems like a long time to you I’m sure. Who knows what year 2 will bring?! Do your best to enjoy your life and relationship. And make sure that your H is also getting a chance to share his feelings!

I should add - one of the reasons that we’re being semi-aggressive about it now is because my insurance is incredible until I finish my phd program and beyond that, I have no idea what awaits.

Because of the lupus, any pregnancy is high risk and I have some other compounding factors which makes it especially high risk. With high risk comes higher medical bills so good insurance is a must.


I did not struggle as much as you, but I didn’t get pregnant easily. First pregnancy took a year after a miscarriage. My 2nd pregnancy took two years after I had some fibroids removed. End of story is two super healthy kids/adults.

I remember feeling as if I was surrounded by the most fertile people on earth, and that I was a bit of a failure … truthfully, sometimes it was hard to be happy for friends when they announced their pregnancies, and I felt guilty about that, too.

Please be kind to yourself.

Our story starts from a different place, Romani, as we didn’t want kids and never planned to have them, but we’re now in our sixties with a 22-year-old. In our thirties after dealing with issues related to reproduction but not trying to conceive, we were told we couldn’t have children (problems on both sides; I don’t ovulate and DH doesn’t produce viable sperm). That was fine with us, and we went on our merry way. Then, just as I was about to turn 40, I found out at my well-woman exam that I was four months pregnant—against every odd in the book. I know this doesn’t provide any immediate help and is not the timing you’re looking for, but thought I’d share that sometimes the impossible happens. It’s never over. Hugs and good luck to you.

(I only found this thread through Latest Posts which seems to be the only relevant quick link under this new interface.)

Everyone is different, but I think I have the story you are hoping for. Hint, my username gives away the ending. And I am sorry you are going through this. I was working 80 hours a week when we did, so I didn’t really have time to be sad about it, plus I thought I was ok if we never had kids. W had time on her hands and a very different outlook. She was pretty depressed for a couple of years, and we almost lost some friends because it was just too hard emotionally for my wife to get together with them after they had a baby. So I get where you are coming from. I stopped what I was working on to answer when I saw this, because I know how depressing and hopeless this can feel. Hopefully you are handling it better than my W did.

After lots of pregnancy scares periodically when dating during college and when married but with horrible insurance in grad school (due to the irregularity that I am assuming you have as well with the PCOS) we were finally in the position to have a baby. After some time with no luck, W went to a fertility specialist who was in our network and was diagnosed with PCOS. She called me in tears after EVERY appointment. No bedside manner whatsoever, and apparently no awareness that this is a very emotional issue. We switched to a different doctor, I don’t remember if the network changed or if we just decided it was worth it to go out of network.

New doctor was completely different. After some initial tests, etc. started her on Clomid. The plan was to give that a try for a few cycles. Unfortunately, her body didn’t react well to it. Not an allergic reaction, but the effect wasn’t what was wanted. I think it released too many eggs but low quality or something. I don’t really remember the details, but after the first cycle they told us we could continue but that it was probably a waste of time. So we moved straight to IVF.

We were being agressive because we had $25,000 of insurance coverage (this was in 1999, so it went farther than it would now), after that no fertility coverage. So we didn’t want to waste any on treatment that wouldn’t work. We knew we probably had one shot at IVF, then would need to save for a year or 2 to try again. The IVF worked on the first try. I don’t know how it works now, but 20 years ago she went into the office and they took blood every morning. They then called in the afternoon and told her how many vials of what to inject. She was literally shooting up in the Shea Stadium parking lot one afternoon. Regardless of how the details went, and to be honest I don’t remember all of them, the IVF was successful on the first try.

Again back to the username, the doctor told her that the more times she got pregnant, the easier it would be for her to do it on her own. He said the first cycle or 2 after S1 was born was the most likely for her to get pregnant again. So as soon as we got the green light, we were trying. S2 was concieved on the first cycle after his brother was born. They are 11 months apart. D1 was born 2 years later, I would say a normal amount of trying, more really just not being careful and letting whatever happens happen. D2 was born a few years latter after W missed ONE birth control pill. So it is safe to say her fertility was restored fully. I got a vascetomy after that one.

Good luck, if you have any other questions feel free to PM me if you don’t want to post. I know this is difficult, but you will get through it.

I hope you get pregnant soon, OP.

My aunt was like @ChoatieMom . She adopted three kids, then totally unexpected miracle baby aged 40.

My cousins had three kids via IVF. Second and third kids are twins, and she wasn’t expecting any luck because she had several unsuccessful attempts second time around.

I have no insight into the process, but I can guess it’s very demoralizing at times. Hang in there.

Sorry to hear of your struggles, I was in your shoes 19 years trying to get pregnant with PCOS. Back then the initial treatment plan with clomid with IUI. It did work after a few cycles and I delivered a healthy girl who is not a college junior, but I admit the side effects from the clomid were not pleasant at all. So much so that when we were ready to try again for a second child I wanted to explore other options instead of clomid. My fertility doc said ok, next step is injectables, I think Follistim is what we used, does not have to be IM or deep shot, is just subQ under the skin in abdomen. Felt so much better, little to no side effects, worked on first cycle with no hyper stimulation (too many egg follicles) Fast forward to my son is now a junior in high school. So you may want to talk to your doc about going the injectable route, they are more natural hormone like to your body than clomid or femara. Hang in there!

H and I went through several years of infertility treatment. I have (2) 2 year pocket calendars where almost every day was marked with something to do (bloodwork, appts, specimens etc etc). It was relentless. I never became pregnant. But I learned that I am a much stronger person than I ever gave myself credit for and that my husband and I work quite well as a team when things don’t go as you planned.
You are in for a rollercoaster of emotions ride. You’ll question your worth and you will feel the depth of despair. But it is also a trip of self discovery and reflection that people who have not travelled this road will never know.
I absolutely wish you the best in your quest and I wish I could give you a hug.
I was close to 40 when H and I decided to quit infertility treatments. Forty seems to be the magic age when your eggs start pooping out and quite honestly infertility treatments had taken its toll on our savings. We had a choice. One more IVF or adoption. We chose adoption. I asked myself did I want to be pregnant or did I want to have kids. For us, it was the best decision. Adoption is not for everyone. But for me, I’m reminded almost everyday that my children may not have grown under my heart, but they certainly grew in it.
IMO, if I were you, I would be as aggressive as possible about infertility treatments and do absolutely everything the drs say to do. If you become pregnant that’s great. If you don’t, at least you have the peace of mind that you did everything in your power and you gave it your best shot.
Sending you nothing but light, love and positivity. I hope all works out well for you.

My H had a coworker who had fertility problems as well. We never learned details but have been to their two adorable kids birthday parties—the in vitro they did worked!

Hang in there! Wishing you the very best, as I’m sure you and your will be amazing parents.

Took my sister 2 years and several rounds of in vitro to get pregnant with her son. After he was born she never went back on birth control because she knew she couldn’t get pregnant without medical intervention (I bet you can see where this is going…) When he was 2, she went for a checkup and they ran a random pregnancy screening and lo and behold, she was pregnant with number 2. Both boys just turned 22 and 20.
Best of luck to you! I look forward to you telling us great news soon!

I didn’t get pregnant quickly, we tried for over a year. They tested and my husband had a low sperm count (never learned why) and then a few months later I got pregnant. My OB/GYN was surprised at the time (since we hadn’t gotten any treatment). I have a history of cysts and endometriosis which I am sure also played a factor (although they were only diagnosed after my first pregnancy).
I have a very close friend who did lots of fertility stuff for her first pregnancy and her second (twins) and then two years later using nothing found herself pregnant with number 4.

Knowing how common fertility issues are, I always cringe when people ask when are you gong to have a baby (I heard this for years).
Good Luck

My problem was endometriosis. After a dye study, to make sure my tubes were open, the fertility doctor recommended two rounds of Clomid. If that wasn’t successful, he recommended IVF d/t my age of 37 at the time. I only needed one round. It didn’t take that first cycle, however, my ovaries were still stimulated from the Clomid and I was able to conceive during my second cycle on that single dose. We now have a D who will graduate from HS in 2021. ?

To help combat the fierce return of my endometriosis a few years post baby but well before menopause, I started to combat the inflammation it caused with a nutritional approach. I’m a RN and RD and love researching how our diet can help decrease inflammation, I understand PCOS and Lupus both create inflammatory issues in the body. This approach helped me tremendously and I still follow it in my mid 50s (little to no gluten and no milk - caused bloating in me, I do cashew milk for the calcium and vit D, eat minimal processed foods, I drink green tea w/ pomegranate juice and consume other antioxidants like blueberries, avoid soy and I try to eat mostly organic meats and produce bc the pesticide residual can act hormonally in your body and create inflammation).
Anyway, my post is getting too long now so I’ll wrap it up. Just wanted to say, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It can be very upsetting and frustrating. ((Hugs to you))

No stories, but just want to say I hope things go well for you and your husband. You are one of my favorite posters. I especially loved your wedding thread. Good luck!

Has your husband been checked out? I ask because I’ve known couples where both people had suboptimal fertility but their problem was solved by a centrifuge and the medical equivalent of a turkey baster. Getting more of the little squirmers in there never hurts. And it’s cheap (relatively speaking).

I want to wish you the best.
My D’s bf and his sister were both conceived through IVF. When the sister was one, their mom became pregnant naturally. All 3 kids are in their 20’s, happy, healthy and productive members of society.

Go to reddit and look for the sub xxketo. Search for pregnancy and you will see lots of success stories.

My bff had PCOS and struggled for years. She had healthy twins after injectables and then a third without any intervention. Hugs and love to you. I know it’s stressful and very emotional.

Also check your PM box. And look at metformin.