I agree you shouldn’t worry too much about development, too soon. My oldest was reading on the 10th grade level in 1st grade. So I freaked out when my next kid couldn’t read at all at the beginning of first grade. My sister, a literacy teacher, told me not to worry and to wait to see how he was doing at the end of the year. Everything clicked for him mid-year, and he did fine. Now he is fluent in Arabic and studying French in France.
Similarly, I was really worried about my oldest when he was not walking, even at 15 months. He’s the one who went on to run nationally and still holds a state record with his teammates in the 4x800 relay.
Agree that kids are all different. I’m one of 7 kids. The sib who started talking the latest (at age 3) has had a great career as an MD and is obviously brilliant so I wouldn’t sweat the different milestones too much.
We thought Ren was language delayed (and he was by milestones) until one day he wasn’t and his language exploded.
I’m trying to find a balance of keeping him engaged and not pushing him or holding him back. He’s just a sponge who demands to know everything lol.
I actually might make another post because some parents have suggested getting him tested for his intelligence but I’m not keen on having him labeled and i dont know what good it’ll do.
My son didn’t talk much, until one day in the car he spoke something like 13 words in a row…
I can’t remember exactly what he said, but this is close
Mommy, may I have those sunglasses on the floor of the car please.
For what it’s worth, I never did for my oldest. All of his teachers realized he was gifted and created things for him to do beyond the program. Our school’s official gifted program was pretty lame and didn’t start until 4th grade. He did end up doing extra math, some from fun stuff I heard about, later from Stanford’s EPGY program. I considered homeschooling him many times, but despite his many complaints about school, he liked his friends, I wouldn’t have been able to supply a band and I liked having time while he was in school to work.
Younger kid had IQ testing when we were trying to figure out if he had any specific learning disabilities. His scores were interesting - topped out in some areas, slightly below average in others. The most interesting thing was that he had some top scores in mathematical thinking even though he couldn’t seem to memorize his multiplication tables. (I think he’s still kind of iffy on them.)
My anxiety about this stems from the fact that my mom’s brother was a genius but was so bored that he dropped out of school and turned to drugs before eventually dying of drug-related causes. I know I have more resources than my grandparents did but it’s still giving me anxiety because I don’t want Ren going down that path, obviously.
Just one more comment. Our “grandson” (son of future SIL) is really sweet and cute, seemed language delayed. But I will say this weekend (we took a trip over Thanksgiving weekend), he seemed to have really come a long way. I brought along some board games. One of them was Candy Land. One of the squares you can land on is a licorice swirly thing of some kind. I think you lose a turn if you land on it. Our little fellow in question drew the card and said “A portal! It’s a portal!” D2 and his Dad have no idea where he learned that word, if he understands what it means, etc., but I thought “hmm, there’s obviously more to him than meets the eye.” It DID look like it could have been a portal of some kind, lol.
I’m not going to sweat it. He’s a sweet, loving, bright, and VERY ENERGETIC little human. I’ll enjoy him when I see him and feel happy to hand him back to D2 and fiance when appropriate, lol.
I guess the challenge is keeping them appropriately stimulated and engaged without allowing their gifted-ness to alienate them from others. I get it. My sister is so smart that everyone else seems really stupid to her. That attitude has made her life incredibly difficult for her socially and she has been very unhappy for a great deal of her life. She’s only had one important romantic relationship, and it eventually ended. I don’t think happiness hinges on having a romantic partner, but she doesn’t have any of the other ingredients in life that do provide happiness.
I think you and your sweet husband are going to be very plugged in to Ren and will be able to anticipate these potential hazards. He is loved and that is what’s important right now!
It might be useful, just for yourself, so that you have an idea what you’re dealing with. There’s a range and what Ren needs will be better addressed if you know what makes his brain fizz with excitement - not so that anyone “labels” him but so you know how to best help him grow when he gets older (you’re doing a fantastic job and I love him with the chickens, but he looks so big now, how did he become a toddler?) It might be easier if you do this before anyone thinks of labelling him and he has no idea you’re doing anything special.
In addition, since gifted children think “in arborescence” they may react differently than other children, expose their thinking differently from other children, etc.; their way of thinking may be quite destabilizing to some teachers (although I’m assuming in an academic town they would be flexible) and this way you’d have time to prepare him so that he gets neither frustrated nor bored with other kids or adults who don’t know how to respond.
No need to share anything with anyone so no label.
We never tested either kid but when S was 3 and being tested by the preschool director, he tried to help her improve the standardized test she was trying to administer to him. That caused her to stop the test and she told us that in all her years to testing tons of kids, only S has ever tried to get her to improve the test.
S has been far above grade level all his life but has managed to stay engaged and find peers and yes now even a long term GF.
That reminds me of some Piaget test my son’s preK teacher was giving to the class. They were supposed to draw a dog and how many features was supposed to be a sign of reading readiness. The teacher was fully aware that my kid was already reading, so when my kid failed to draw a face for the dog she asked him about it. (This kid hates drawing BTW.) He told her that the dog had his back to her. She thought it was hysterical.
The drawing test is funny. My D created an entire manger scene on paper (features on all the animals and people in scene), when she was in pre-K but she didn’t read until she was in 1st grade. She went straight from not reading to chapter books, never had any interest picture books, which she had already sat through when we read them to her and older brother.
Ok that’s good to know @MYOS1634 . I’m honestly just in the “does it even matter if he’s gifted” stage but those are all valid reasons why it might actually matter. (We don’t live in Ann Arbor but we live where I went to high school and I thought they were still pretty well resourced.)
And I know he’s so big I blinked and suddenly he was a full human.
I tried an “experiment” today and realized he must be actually reading out some words instead of memorizing them. We were reading through a new book and I asked him to point out words that I hadn’t read or showed him yet. He knew probably 85% of them just based on how the word sounded.
So great to see him growing up and meeting some chickens. I am excited for you that he is blooming and learning so much so quickly.
My two cents on having him tested? Not now. He is changing and developing in so many ways. He is learning to use his body, learning about engaging with other people, figuring out his emotions. Sure, be aware that he is quick in some areas but for now focus on him more holistically. Enjoy him.
My older son was an intense little guy with a crazy memory and ability to process information. At age two I remember him telling me he knew five words for “pants.” But he was also not comfortable in his body or with himself at that age and needed coaching in understanding and labeling his emotions.
(prefacing this by saying I’m a bit uncomfortable because I really believe parents know best and I don’t!!!)
My perspective is that, basically you want to know, for yourself, whether he just processes things faster or processes them faster AND differently.
There are many ways in which it “doesn’t matter” but ways in which it does - and your knowing before age 3 makes it easier on the child since at that age they’re still too young to know it’s different from all the visits they take for vaccines and pediatricians etc. so there’s no label attached for them, no question mark, etc. What you do with the information is entirely up to you but he wouldn’t know there’s any special information to be learned, which is preferable for sense of self imho. (Not sure I make sense and obviously very subjective.) And of course no one else (beside the parents) would know.
I agree. I think too much concern is given to labels. My middle kid struggled every year. We’d get the same lecture from the teacher - he’s bright but doesn’t focus. I so wish we had labeled him as ADHD at age 5 rather than 16. I should have pushed for an earlier evaluation but that was when I was still naive and trusted professionals more than my instinct.
I’ll bring it up with his pediatrician at our next check up.
His daycare told us today that he’s the smartest kid she’s ever watched and that he’s sitting in on preschool with the 4 year olds… because he just wants to.
Hopping in to to offer the perspective that early “testing” and even just knowledge can set a high bar for a young person, and that is not always a good thing. I have one son who was identified by his pediatrician and pre-school teachers as exceptional at age 3. While that information helped us look for school-age appropriate opportunities and we didn’t feel like we communicated any sort of expectations to him, he felt haunted through adolescence and early college years by the sense that he was letting others and himself down. We supported him and loved him for who he is, not for some ability or potential he had, but he struggled with thinking he was disappointing people despite our best efforts. If I could have done it over again, I would have told the pediatrician we were not really interested in talking about it, and we would have just enjoyed what made him a hoot to be around.
He would never know about whatever label he got - if he got one at all. At least not as a young kid. This is more for our purposes so we can support him if needed and if he shows interest in pursuing things at a faster/deeper pace than we can keep up with.
I understand, and our kid never knew either, still doesn’t know really and was never formally tested for anything – other than ADHD. But the way we talked to teachers, the way teachers talked to him, all of that was probably affected by the information we had. We thought we handled it well, but it still affected him.
There is no single right path here, just the path that feels right to you. I just wanted to share our experience as you sort out the right path that is best for your child and your family! Every child, every family is different!
I blinked and suddenly he was a full human.
I should have pushed for an earlier evaluation but that was when I was still naive and trusted professionals more than my instinct.