So a few months ago I was scared to go random roommate assignment, so I agreed to dorm with a girl from my high school. We barely know each other, we were just classmates and have a few mutual friends. Now that we got our room assignment, I dislike the dorm hall we received (oldest dorm building on campus) and want to change roommates. The girl is nice, but after thinking about it these past weeks, I feel like I should dorm with someone I have never met before to have a new experience.
My school is now allowing us to request to change dorms and roommates. I hope to change, but fear if I say I just don’t want to dorm with the girl anymore they won’t let me change. Are there any tips for how I should go about this?
Have you discussed with her? You’d leave her hanging - and that might put her in a difficult situation.
You don’t know they’ll let you change - but I’d be honest. I just got to college and decided it should be a new experience. So I was a bit cautious and agreed to live with someone from High School but in retrospect, that will limit my growth.
They know kids in an undesirable dorm want to move - I don’t think you need to mention the why a certain dorm. Just request it.
But you should be upfront with your roommate that you are trying to move on from. You did agree to room with her and that should mean something.
Seems like you’re already rooming with someone you don’t know other than being a familiar face from your HS.
You agreed to be a roommate with this person. Backing out at this late date would be an unkind thing to do. If you don’t like the dorm and have an opportunity to switch, discuss it with your roommate. If she agrees, then do that. If she doesn’t, then maybe that’s an invitation for you to pursue other roommates.
This is confusing - what is their criteria for requesting the change?
A roommate is a person who shares your room. There are still plenty of opportunities to meet as many new people as you want.
I’d stick with your current roommate - besides it being pretty unkind to her to change at the last minute out of something other than necessity, you could end up in a worse situation with a random roommate.
In the parent Facebook group for my D22’s school, I’m already seeing freshman parents talking about bad roommate situations - really mean girls making fun of their roommate, kids coming home drunk a couple days after they moved in, a kid who moved in first taking over 3/4 of the space in the room, etc.
A lot of random roommates work out just fine, but not that many become “best friends” and some are horrible. At least you have a somewhat known quantity!
Sounds like you’re already rooming with someone you don’t know. And she’s nice-- I’d be happy with that. If you’re compatible as roommates even if not best friends thank your lucky stars. Being friends is not instantaneous at any rate.
If the dorm is really bad talk to her about changing. I roomed with someone from HS and personally it worked great. We didn’t hang around together really because of our schedules but we did meet each others friends which really expanded both our circles.
Both of us have talked about trying to change dorms. The main concern is getting out of the building we were assigned and we both understand that we might not end up together. I texted her saying I m having second thoughts about rooming together and she has not answered me back yet, so I feel like I might keep her as my roommate since I do not want to hurt her feelings.
That is true. I think I will just try and stay with my current roommate, but we are both are going to try and get out of our building (possibility we may be separated).
We have to submit information for why we want to transfer out of our assigned dorm. My current reasoning is not very compelling (mainly try to get out of the dorm building I was assigned), so I am unsure on how I should explain to housing why I want to change
Just as an aside… my younger S roomed with someone he met online through the FB groups, but they were assigned to the oldest and ugliest building on campus with no A/C. I knew he was disappointed, but told him it’d be fine.
And while he did not become great friends with his roommate, they were cordial and got along fine. But he wound up loving his dorm. He met great people on his floor, friends he wound up living with the next 3 years and are still good friends after graduation. He is glad he wound up there!
Years later you will have bragging right how you suffered! While you walked uphill through the snow both ways.
You probably already have hurt her feelings, which is why she’s not getting back to you. Please get back to her immediately. Tell her you misspoke and it was only because you guys were considering the idea of switching dorms. Reassure her that you still want to room with her. If you both agree that getting out of the building is the top priority, then do that. But don’t leave her hanging. Also recognize that whatever you get instead might not be better. And the reputed “bad” dorms are rarely as bad as rumor suggests.
My D ended up in the least desirable freshman dorm at her college. BUT she made tons of wonderful friends and is still close with many of them years after graduation. She would absolutely not exchange these friendships for air conditioning, elevators, etc. Whatever happens, don’t let the dorm get in the way of having a fantastic experience.
And if you want to keep your roommate tell her ASAP (and I’d apologize as well).
Often, the “worst” dorms are the ones that aren’t chosen by upperclassmen in the lottery. This means they’ll be filled with freshmen and sophomores eager to make new friends. In a nutshell – ideal!
As for the person you were going to room with, you should get in touch ASAP and apologize. As in “I freaked out and was such a jerk! I’m so sorry and will do everything in my nature to suppress that part of me going forward. And I’m so sorry if I freaked you out too.” That was truly a bad move on your part, and it’s on you to make it right.
Three of my kids had very old tired no a/c freshman dorms (one has been torn down), two had nice (but also traditional) dorms. The worst dorms are the most fun (and tend to be in the best location). I lived 4 years on the top floor of a dorm with no a/c with cinderblock walls, great memories (it was torn down a while ago).