When in college, I switched to a different room midyear. My original roommate was into partying and smoking with his friends in the room (both cigarettes and pot). He’d put a towel under the doorway to prevent the smoke from getting into my half, but it still didn’t go well. </p>
<p>I asked the person who manages room assignments in my dorm about switching to a different room (without listing much detail about the issues). She gave me a list of three rooms in the dorm that had a single person living in a double, most likely because their roommate had left the school earlier in the year. I met with each of those three persons and decided who I thought I’d get along best with, then let the housing manager know my decision. I moved in during the break between fall and winter quarters and got along better with my new roommate than any other roommate I had during college. I’d expect a large portion of colleges have similar options for switching roommates.</p>
<p>You mentioned your brother being shy and introverted. If so, he might not dislike being in a single as much as you expect. Many introverted persons would prefer being in a single. At the college I attended single rooms required a far better draw number than doubles.</p>
<p>The only really surprising thing about this story is that there was somebody who was willing to let somebody else move into a double-sized single. I think OP’s brother should just tell the RA that he’d be happy to have a new roommate if somebody transfers in or something–but, as always, be careful what you wish for.</p>
<p>My older daughter was given a single room even though we didnt request it.
It was great.
She made a spinney wheel on her door to indicate if she was in & not to disturb her, if she was in and would welcome an interuption or if she was out, where she was & when she would be back.
It worked out great, cept for the time when she forgot to change it & a friend sat patiently outside the door until she went out to go pee.
A single room is much, much preferable to an incompatible roommate.
He may even meet *more *people as they come to his room for respite from their own!</p>
<p>I think your brother should be thanking his lucky stars! </p>
<p>Leave the door open. Since he now has an empty bed, chances are that the sexiled or those with roomies who have visiting friends would love to sleep there.</p>
<p>I think you have to accept that the roommate wasn’t happy with his living situation for whatever reason (my D left her introverted, shy and, frankly, very strange roommate as soon as she found someone else to room with, so I get it) and had every right to improve things as he saw fit. Maybe he was hoping for a gregarious roomie to help him find friends and hang with and was very disappointed. And if there’s an open bed, the school couldn’t care less if someone takes it. The roommate set-up isn’t a Psychology Department experiment where two strangers have to live together for a year come hell or high water. </p>
<p>As for your brother’s medical issues, even if he had a roommate, there’s no guarantee he wouldn’t go home for the weekend, sleep in a girlfriend’s room, or just stay out til the wee hours, so there’s no way he could be depended upon to be present in an emergency. If your brother feels insecure, perhaps he could get one of those life alert device that allows someone to summon help in an emergency. </p>
<p>Your brother’s former roommate didn’t find someone “better”…he found someone different who he thinks is better. The thing is…your brother should not take this as a personal issue. It’s not. </p>
<p>Like I said…my daughter endured an odd year of roommate issues when she was a freshman. She found many other places to find friends…that were not her room. She wen to a smallish college and said she probably wouldn’t have been close friends with roommate number one anyway.</p>
<p>Your brother must feel awful, but I hope he doesn’t blame himself or think that he is somehow unacceptable. If he isn’t assigned another roommate, he will need to make a special effort to force himself to participate in campus activities. Most campuses have introvert-friendly clubs. Is he interested in music or drama? A lot of singers and quite a few actors are introverts. If he likes computer games, there’s probably a League of Legends group somewhere. If he enjoys running, he could advertise for a running partner. My daughter has made some good friends this way.</p>
<p>I’m concerned by some of the responses I’ve read here about your brother’s diabetes being only his concern. I would hope that people aren’t so self-centered they can’t be concerned for another’s well-being. It’s important that as many people in his dorm as possible know he is a T1 diabetic, not because they are responsible for his health, but so that they might think to check on him on occasion. </p>
<p>He should also call the housing office and let them know he wants to be assigned a roommate. Most schools have a window of time when switches are allowed, so maybe there is some nice person who is dying to leave a bad situation. He won’t know unless he asks.</p>
<p>D2 is very social, not at all shy, but had a single for her two years of dorm living. She absolutely loved it. She opened her door when she wanted to interact and closed it when she didn’t. I agree with Hunt; your brother could request another roommate, but be careful what you wish for.</p>
<p>It sounds as if the expectations about the roommate were too high, both from a social standpoint and the medical condition issue. If your brother went into a coma “in the middle of the night” or even had low blood sugar in the middle of the night, the roommate wouldn’t know this-he would assume your brother was asleep. </p>
<p>I suspect this will work out fine. Most of us who went to residential colleges took the opportunity to live alone in our own bedroom as soon as we could get it, with a huge sigh of relief. There’s really nothing that spectacular about sharing a room the size of a closet with a total stranger, or even with a close friend.</p>
<p>Maybe next year he could find a room in a suite set up. Those are nice because you have your own room but share a living space, so plenty of opportunity for alone time as well as social time.</p>
<p>My frosh roommate and I didn’t get along and we BOTH switched rooms after the first semester…I wish I’d known she was switching because I would have had the double-single ;)</p>
<p>My son’s roommate (who he liked) spent ALL his time in his GF’s room (she had a single). S functionally had a double-single all year and it became the hang-out room for his floor, everyone else had roommates doing this or that so his room was like a lounge, when he wanted it to be.</p>
<p>S’ friend at a different school had his roommate move out to someone he liked better too…S’ friend was surprised, a little hurt, but dealt with it fine. I think he was assigned another roommate.</p>
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<li><p>For those saying he might’ve moved out because my brother is weird and introverted- this is absolutely not the case. I know this. I know why he wanted a new roommate, but it’s not relevant. It doesn’t have to do with my brother’s personality. I was merely asking about the logistics. </p></li>
<li><p>The comments about the T1 diabetes are really bothering me. For one thing, the roommate said he was going to move out before my brother even told him he was diabetic, so that’s not the issue. I think a lot of people are being way harsh. Of COURSE no one expects anyone to wait on my brother hand and foot and be singlehandedly responsible for his well-being. But is it totally unreasonable to feel more comfortable knowing someone will usually be around to check in? I think if any sane, empathetic person walked into the room and saw a diabetic person passed out, they’d want to help. No one is saying he has to like, administer the glucagon himself. But it’d be kind of nice if there was someone around who could, y’know, alert an RA or something. I’m pretty flummoxed by the coldness.</p></li>
<li><p>Talked to him today and he’s actually doing fine. He’s definitely seeing the positives (he wasn’t sure where to put his towel after the shower because his roommate took the towel rack but then he threw it on the roommate’s old chair, haha) and is spending a lot of time outside the room with friends. So all is well! I appreciate all the responses.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Perhaps your brother could text a family member each morning that he’s up. If the text is not received, a family member could contact the RA/RHD for a check. They would be able to gain access to make sure he’s not unconscious in bed. It’s scary thinking that no one is around to notice that your diabetic brother is in a coma, but on a college campus, a roommate is more likely to think he’s sleeping in and ignore the situation anyway. Have a better plan for emergencies and tell him to enjoy the big empty room!</p>
<p>There is no way I would count on any roommate being around if something bad happened- even the one who chronically stays home may have decided to go out when it happens. Roommates have no responsibility to look after their roomie.</p>
<p>My first college dorm roommate announced the first time I met her that she was on a list for another dorm she preferred. Good when she left. Got another soon thereafter. Son’s first roommate did a semester away so he got a transfer student second semester who spent most of his time with his girlfriend. Not that uncommon for some dorm shuffling. Not what your brother expected but he sounds like he is adjusting. Big sister perhaps overreacted to his discomfort- like parents who check on their kids too often. Give him some space to handle problems. Let him vent but don’t get worried and problem solve for him. His DM should also settle down once he figures out his new eating habits as well.</p>
<p>PS- there is no “we”. It is his life and will manage it just fine without family micromanaging. Support, not advice, is often what is wanted.</p>
<p>I agree with the above poster who said your brother should thank his lucky stars. Many people would be thrilled to have an all of sudden single. My daughter had a friend who had a random single and it worked out great. She kept her door open when she wanted company whether someone to come in and study with or hang out.
A similar situation to your brother happened with a good friend’s daughter. She was alone for the rest of first semester but second semester a student from another country who was there for study abroad was placed there and that worked out perfectly fine. </p>
<p>With all due respect, yes, you are being unreasonable. Of course, if a roommate walks in during the middle of the day and sees your brother unconscious and seizing, certainly he would call for help. But what are the odds of that happening if your adult brother is handling his illness properly? In any event, that’s NOT how you phrased your original post. You specifically stated that one of the reasons you were upset that your brother wouldn’t have a roommate was because you were counting on him having someone who could be there to react in an emergency, specifically one which would occur during the middle of the night. I’m a nurse and one of the others posting is an MD, and we both know that’s a very unrealistic expectation. It has nothing to do with “coldness”, but your unrealistic expectations about the role of a roommate. How in the world should a roommate know if your brother has low blood sugar “in the middle of the night”? If my child had type 1 diabetes, and I didn’t have total confidence in her ability to manage it, no way would I allow her to go to sleep away college. She would commute and live at home, where I would know that her biggest advocates (her mom and dad) would always be thinking of her well being. I would go nuts if I thought I had to depend upon an 18 year old roommate, who doesn’t know her, who doesn’t necessarily understand the nuances of her disease, and who may or may not be present during an emergency, or who, in all likeliness would be asleep anyway in the middle of the night, to be her link to emergency management.</p>
<p>I think we all respect your love and affection for your brother. That’s a great thing. But yes, I think your expectations, and possibly his, as to what it means to have a college roommate, particularly one he doesn’t know, were too high.</p>
<p>ETA: D1 was a suitemate and, later a housemate, with a type 1 diabetic. She took it upon herself to find out what she could do in the event of an emergency if she happened to be present, but recognizing danger signs “in the middle of the night” was never something she felt she could promise or ever give comfort to the family that she could take on. Her presence during an emergency would have been a lucky occurrence, not anything that her roommate’s family should have ever counted on. Many times she or the other roommates would be gone or out late so that there was no “checking in” on each other. That was not their responsibility.</p>
<p>Okay. Well, I’m way too tired to respond to all that but I guess the issue is just in how I’ve phrased everything. I’ve clarified multiple times that no one expects anyone to singlehandedly learn everything there is to know about diabetes and be his personal guardian 24/7. There was a letter from the JDRF that he was supposed to give him to explain warning signs, but he never did because he thought it was lame. I really just don’t understand why it’s unreasonable for it to be <em>preferable</em> to have a roommate which would increase the odds of there being another person to check in once in a while. The terminology you’re saying I used-- that I “counted on” this as part of his college survival-- is simply not what I said. I’m not really sure why everyone’s jumping on this, I definitely didn’t mean to overstate it or imply that I think they’re obligated to provide him someone-- just that it’s one of the things going through his head as to why he’d prefer a roommate. That’s all. </p>
<p>And again, this happened about two days into college, before he even mentioned that he had diabetes, and before he could “reveal” himself as an introvert so to say.</p>
<p>Also, I graduated college, so it’s not like I have unrealistic expectations about what a roommate is. I’ve had four, so I’d like to think I have a pretty good idea of what it’s like.</p>
<p>I can think of nothing more pleasant than to have a dorm room to myself. If the OP’s brother is shy and introverted then I can see how an outgoing person might find him an unsatisfactory roommate. The brother should enjoy the privacy he has when the door is closed, open it and make an effort to be friendly when he wants company.</p>
<p>And as far as someone “revealing” themselves as an introvert, it doesn’t take weeks for this to happen. Usually about three minutes.</p>
<p>I was one of those commenting about the expectation of a roommate being there for his diabetes. I’m sorry if it came across as cold. Your love for your brother is evident, as is your understanding of his medical needs. I don’t think the average college freshman could differentiate between passed out, diabetic coma, or just asleep. Yes, having someone there might catch something going wrong, but asking for someone for that purpose is over the line of reasonable expectations to place on a roommate. Informing a roommate that he has diabetes and while he is well controlled there could be symptoms to be aware of and how to get help would be fine. Expecting there to be a roommate for that purpose is not. </p>
<p>I’m surprised how many harsh opinions were expressed on this thread. Obviously the OP wasn’t expecting a roommate to get up in the middle of the night every night and check vial signs. Maybe it’s just that I’ve had a family member’s life saved by the presence of a boarder (who was in no way meant to be a medical caretaker), but I have sympathy for the OP’s concern about her brother living alone. </p>