<p>Hi! I’m not quite sure where to post this- I figured parents would have the most expertise, but feel free to move it.</p>
<p>My brother is a freshman at a state school. He went random with his roommate. They were getting along fine until a few days into the school year when the roommate told him he met a guy currently living alone in the dorm and they had a lot of shared interests so he was going to move out and live with him instead. My brother called me really upset, but I told him not to worry because you can’t just decide you like another person better and switch to a new room; it’s not how housing works. </p>
<p>Nothing ever came out of it until last night when the roommate brought it up again and said he got RA permission and is going to move to the new room immediately. Tonight, he actually did it. My brother is now alone in a double; there are no plans to put anyone new with him.</p>
<p>How is this even possible? My brother does NOT want to live alone. He is shy and introverted and gets lonely very easily. He absolutely wants a roommate. Also, he is type 1 diabetic and it’s legitimately very very not ideal to live alone; having a roommate was always part of the plan because what if he has a low in the middle of the night? What if he goes into a diabetic coma? What if he needs someone to administer glucagon? He told this to the resident director but she said she can’t place roommates just because of medical issues.</p>
<p>Am I crazy, or does none of this sound normal at all? I’ve heard stories of roommates who HATE each other but are forced to just deal with it; there are RAs and ombudsmen to mediate issues. Is it normal procedure for one roommate to like, make a better friend and be allowed to just up and move to a new room? Does my brother have any standing to demand a roommate? I feel really awful for him. If you knew him, you’d feel similarly-- he felt very isolated in high school and the thought of him being alone in a room for the rest of the year, for no good reason, is so upsetting. I know, he can leave his door open and sit in public lounges, but it’s not the same. Any thoughts?</p>
<p>My daughter had a similar situation her freshman year. About two weeks into school, the roommate decided to move to the dorm where her boyfriend was living. DD was in a double all alone too. But you know…she was actually more friendly with others on her floor anyway. Her roommate was not really a close chum. </p>
<p>The saga for my daughter continued…the RA kept saying that someone would be assigned to the room. No one showed up until after the Christmas break. The gal assigned was really never there, and moved very little into the room (her family lived locally and this girl went home every weekend, and sometimes during the week). DD never knew when the roommate was going to show up…or not. </p>
<p>Still…DD forged some terrific friendships with the girls on her floor, and spent a lot of time with those folks.</p>
<p>I would suggest that your brother open his door, and start to visit with others on his floor. I’m sure he will have friends! He should also talk to the RA regarding a new roommate. My guess is one will be assigned to him at some point. Folks do move around! And now your brother has the open bed.</p>
<p>It’s not an ideal situation, for sure. But really, it is what it is. Your brother needs to make the most of it. Meet others at the school either on his floor or through clubs or activities…or his classes. </p>
<p>Eta…have a movie night…make popcorn and invite the floor in to,watch a movie.</p>
<p>Thanks, I know it’s not the end of the world. It’s just so frustrating that this could happen because of some on-a-whim decision the roommate made. I never thought it was that easy of a process to move out. Also, forgot in my first post, he’s in one of those freshmen learning community programs so he’s only allowed to live with others in the program-- making it much less likely to get a new roommate.</p>
<p>A college roommate is not a nursing assistant. You can’t expect a roommate to be in the room whenever your brother is there, no matter what time of day or night.</p>
<p>No roommate is better than a difficult roommate. So many freshmen have issues with their roommates - having a double as a single is not the end of the world. He can let people on the floor know that if they need to spend the night elsewhere, (as in their roomie has an overnight guest), he has an extra bed. I also don’t know that it is apropriate to place a roommate in a position of helping with his health issue - I think he has to monitor and manage that on his own. Hopefully the fact that he is in a freshman learning community will help as they should have planned activities for the group.</p>
<p>I don’t think you can expect a roommate to be responsible for the highs and lows of your brother’s diabetes. I would not be happy if that sort of expectation were placed on my kid if they were the roommate. I would encourage him to enjoy the extra space and try to join some activities.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, I didn’t mean to overstate the medical issue. He is definitely very good at monitoring it on his own but there are some unfortunate scenarios that simply cannot be helped. Obviously he wouldn’t be dependent on him, but everyone in my family at least felt a lot better knowing there’d be someone generally there with him!</p>
<p>I really do feel badly for your brother…that kind of thing is tough to take…when I was in college (a million years ago), my roommate moved out because she “found someone better.” I was flabbergasted…but it all worked out great…about a month later, I was assigned another roommate and she turned out to an amazing friend to me. but i am truly sorry about your brother…you sound like a good sister…I wonder if you might just call the counseling office, tell them you’re concerned about your brother, and see if they could offer concrete advice…</p>
<p>I agree that no roommate is much better than a bad roommate. I’ve heard too many stories about freshman year roommates who do drugs, drink every night, party in the room, have their significant other stay in the room all the time etc. Tell your brother to take a deep breath, open his door, invite people in and it will be fine. But if he really does want a roommate, he can talk to his RA or Residential Life – just be careful what you wish for…</p>
<p>Remember, you are hearing one side of the story. Maybe it’s more than the roommate just up and moving because he found someone he liked better. Maybe he had personal issues with your brother (sorry to be so blunt). You stated that he is she, introverted and a diabetic. Maybe that was just too much for the roommate to handle. </p>
<p>Okay, I didn’t post it because it’s not relevant, but I do know why the roommate moved out. It has nothing to do with my brother as a person-- I was genuinely asking because in my experience and from stories I’ve heard, roommate issues are super rampant and plenty of people seem to have drastic or hateful issues that they have to suck up or struggle with for the whole year. I’ve genuinely never heard of someone being able to easily move rooms without a serious reason. I mean seriously, how many people post even just on CC that their roommate is loud, messy, spends all day alone, mean, rude, eats all their food, always has a boyfriend over? And how often is the advice ever “oh, just switch to a new room!” So you can see where I’d assume that this is not the norm except for in extreme situations.</p>
<p>But it seems like the answer is that while unfortunate, there’s not actually much that can be done. That’s what I wanted to know! If I could edit the main post to take out the medical stuff, I would-- I agree, it’s not anyone else’s obligation, but I was outlining all of my concerns.</p>
<p>He should count his blessings–most people pay extra for a (small) single. My oldest S (out of college for years now) lived in a quad/suite with 2 sophomores and a transfer student when he was a new freshman. The day S came back from Xmas break, his roommate informed him that another sophomore-- who’d taken time off-- had returned to the college, and roommate/suitemates all preferred to live with that guy rather than S. (They were all into music/theater, S was computer geek. . .) The returning student had been offered a single in another dorm, so S was informed that he’d be moving to the single. S felt sort of stunned/insulted/hurt (they did offer to help him move to the other dorm, but S said no thanks–he had very little to move, so that wasn’t an issue.) He felt like he’d been “voted off the island.” He spent a happy semester in that single, and the next year got a single by chance again when his roommate flunked out. And the ex-roommate who’d kicked him out became/remained a good friend. Anyway, this is not what your brother planned, but he should look at the positive side. </p>
<p>My son had a roommate who moved out. My son came back from a long weekend to find him gone. He didn’t care but now when he sees the guy just thinks what a weirdo. He did get another roommate before the semester was done. He said the second one was basically unsociable. He would have preferred to be alone. But he seems to have a decent roomie this year.</p>
<p>Just want to say thanks to everyone for sharing stories! I definitely feel a lot better and agree that there’s plenty of blessings in having a single. It really just does suck for someone who was so looking forward to a roommate as part of college life. But honestly he hasn’t complained or been too upset; more just perplexed and not sure what actions he should/could take. I guess for now I’ll tell him to enjoy the perks He’s definitely better off without this specific kid, at least.</p>
<p>@rebeccar – the reason you don’t hear of roommates moving in other situations is that there has to be a spot to move to, and it’s common for dorms to be filled to capacity, or even beyond capacity (with doubles being converted to triples, etc.). But it’s generally very easy for students to change rooms in dorms if there is a bed in another room-- the trick is finding the available spot. The people who run the housing offices don’t care, as long as they aren’t put to the burden of working out the logistics. </p>
<p>My son is in his second year in the dorm, he roomed blind both times. First year was not a very good experience and his RA was not helpful so he just “toughed it out”. This year he roomed blind and got a transfer student who is very nice but either goes home or goes off campus every weekend. My son is shy/introverted too and the one friend he made on that floor ended up leaving school last week! That kid was living in a single and the room hasn’t been filled yet. He joined two clubs last year and keeps busy with those but I know he wishes he had “friends” in the dorm. Sometimes he likes the privacy in the room over the weekends and sometimes it feels lonely. I would encourage your brother to join a couple of clubs right off the bat and try them out. I think it takes longer for introverts to make “friends” and sometimes the structure of a club helps. My son readily participates in social activities that are organized but is not so great at seeking out the spontaneous stuff. </p>
<p>You’re a good big sis to worry but I think your brother will be fine. He could keep his door open when he’s feeling social.
I remember my friend’s son - his roommate broke his leg the first week, then he went home, never came back. So he had no roommate for a while.</p>
<p>Tough situation. As someone else said, it is hard to not take it personally. Tell your introverted brother to keep the door open like others said, start or particiapte in study groups, get involved in EC’s and ask him to do something outside his comfort zone once each day. It could be as simple as saying “hi” to someone in class or the dorm, sitting down with new kids at lunch, etc. Tell him to work on those socializing skills now and they will benefit him the rest of his life. </p>
<p>I’m surprised that you’re so shocked about the roommate’s ability to move. College housing is not jail. Students are able to move for any reason, provided that there us room available to do so and the request is reasonable. It’s discouraged largely because if everyone wants to move then it’s hard to accommodate. The limiting factor is usually available space. At a lot of schools, housing may be full, especially at the beginning of the year, and there could be a waiting list. Your brother may very well get a new roommate later in the year. Tell him to enjoy the bigger room while he can. It may even make it easier to make friends because he has an extra bed for someone to crash in, especially if there are other kids in crowded rooms or with bad roommates. If nothing else, it’s always nice as an introvert to have your own space to recharge at the end of the day.</p>
<p>I agree with the others about the medical condition. I’m surprised he even brought up the issue with the resident director as a reason to get a new roommate–what an inappropriate burden to place on a random college freshman. What do you mean what would happen if he lapsed into a coma or needed someone to administer glucagon? Do you really expect a 17 or 18 year old stranger who likely has never cared for someone with a medical condition to be able to solve those problems? I would feel extremely uncomfortable if I was placed in a situation like that with a random stranger without any prior training or education.</p>
<p>There’s nothing he should do or could do besides enjoy his life. There’s a plethora of opportunities available and as he gets more involved, he will spend less and less time in his room. Tell him to enjoy having his own space.</p>
<p>I can understand your concern for your brother however even if the roommate had stayed it doesn’t mean he would be in the room much anyway. I think the idea that your roommate is going to be a good friend is overrated. As far a moving to a different room at least at my son’s college they can do that if they want. They call it room swap or something like that. </p>
He’s definitely better off without this specific kid, at least.</p>