Roommate has no interest in getting to know me on social media

Remember that just because your roommate doesn’t share the same level of anxiety or excitement doesn’t mean they are bad people. They may not have the same socioeconomic background or family support you do. As others have said, they may be using July as a disconnect from anything college related.

I would send the roommate a message and give them all your contact info if you wish. This means phone number and any social media you wish to share. What your preferred way of talking might not be theirs. Tell them. “Here’s my contact info if you want to get in touch. If you want to coordinate and discuss sharing a fridge or microwave please let me know. I’m happy to bring stuff for our shared space and set stuff up. Have a great summer and see you soon!”


And now, perhaps, with all these wise posts that seem to respond well to the OP, and in partial homage to dear Bruiser :dog:, it’s time to let sleeping dogs lie? :laughing:

There’s no urgent need to be best friends with your roommate.

My D was in the same position, her roommate didn’t communicate in advance. I remember when we were moving in, while roommate was out of the room, her mother said “good luck, she’s very quiet and somewhat antisocial”. And she was, which was fine. They were considerate of each other, communicated when needed, and moved on after the year. I suspect two introverts have less of a chance of conflict than the opposite.

Me and my undergrad roommate had the same. We might have said 5 words to each other. Maybe. His being extremely religious and my early arrival and hanging a Black Sabbath poster (inside) my closet door probably didn’t help. I moved into a fraternity after about 6 weeks - I don’t know what ever happened to him.

I think you’ve gotten some good advice regarding how to handle things for here on out.

As for your future relationship with this person: We told my daughter that the most important thing was that she and her roommate could co-exist peacefully in their time together. If they became close friends, then great, but that shouldn’t be the goal.



My kids are 20, 16 and 14. They rarely are on Instagram anymore and don’t check their DMs very often.

You have to meet others where they are at. I wouldn’t assume Instagram is their primary method of talking to peers.

People have different perspectives and boundaries when using social media so yeah. I personally don’t even give out my instagram account before meeting a person.

It turned out that my sons first roommate was on full scholarship. There was no easy way to communicate prior to admission. Once there, I let my son know it was ok to buy items from Targets. When I came out for Parents weekend, we bought a couch, and a chair plus for my son. The roommate helped me to install a room A/c. So, a couch and an A/c, not too much $. ( both left in the room for future students)

Fast forward to graduation dinner. This roommates parents knew few English words, but they made it clear how much they appreciated my son for involving their son in a social life. At their college, weekend meals were off campus. My son always included the roommate. Years later, roommate with his PhD from Stanford, and they work for same company. (Rm/mt higher up).

Bottom line, I let my son buy what was needed, and when I visited, I bought the more expensive extras. These extras helped out for 4 years. Not everyone is interested in coordinating room items, for various reasons. Hope this helps


My daughter was assigned a roommate at the beginning of July (years ago). Couldn’t contact her, no response to any emails or texts. Tic tic tic. Nothing. Sometime mid August (school started after Labor Day) I get a call on my phone from an unknown number who asks to speak to my D. Roommate reassignment. Same dorm, same floor. No idea why school gave out my number.

Daughter said she never ran into anyone with the former assigned roommate’s name.

Probably a late wait-list admit to another school.


Perhaps alien abduction, federal witness protection, or bail revocation😀


My older son and his roommate did not have much communication prior to arriving on campus. They ended up rooming together sophomore year as it worked out so well. Don’t worry at this point!

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  1. Some people don’t really use social media much.

  2. They may be working or on vacation.

  3. Wait until you get to college to worry about who brings what that you may need to share.

  4. I find it best if you goal is to have a civil relationship with your roommate…not be best friends. If that happens, great!

So my daughter has two roommates. Only one of them is communicating. They would like to figure out who gets what bed in advance since they all have different move in times, but how can they do that if one roommate won’t correspond? They just pick what they want and the third gets the last bed available? The move in this week and she’s radio silent but still listed in their room portal.

Or the silent roommate gets there first and gets first pick? They can also agree to swap around during the year if it really matters.

It’s never going to be fair. So glad daughter’s college assigned the single rooms in the suite. My daughter was last to arrive and there was a mix up in rooms (she was supposed to be in another suite), but her room was reserved (and hers was the best, because it was on the end). Every single inch of the rest of the suite was taken by the stuff of others, but my daughter had no stuff. Her room was assigned and one cabinet in the kitchenette.

They mostly got along but that was because daughter had no stuff. The others had brought chairs and shelving, a TV and stand, framed pictures, all kinds of kitchen stuff, a vacuum, all kinds of bathroom stuff, rugs, lamps.

My daughter was the most popular and all requested her for a roommate the next year (she picked none of them) and I swear it was because she was a minimalist and she bakes. She really hated all that stuff in the suite.


The silent roommate has a later assigned move in slot because of Covid protocols. Basically the person who gets the lofted bed has the least amount of personal storage space which is something that some kids care about.

My daughter doesn’t want unnecessary drama and will be fine with whatever bed she gets, but she is disappointed that there isn’t even any attempt to get to know someone you are sharing space with.

She knows she just has to cohabitate and not be best friends with roommates. Just now how she envisioned things starting off.


The college may have guidelines, particularly where inequality exists. At mine, all roommates had to be present before beds were chosen. At others, the college assigns the beds.

I would stop worrying about it. Your daughter and the communicative roommate should take the beds they want and leave the loft for the third girl. If she doesn’t like that it, there may be drama but I don’t see how it’s avoidable now, and it’s her own fault for not responding. I wouldn’t save her own of the better beds. It’s also possible that she isn’t coming. Maybe she changed her mind or got off a waitlist somewhere else and the info hasn’t made it’s way through the channels to the roommates.


Not at this school. If there is conflict the RA can help find a solution. I really don’t think it will come to that because my daughter is not interested in that type of escalation-so she would take least desirable if it got to that point.

I’m actually not worried. I just find it odd. And if she has dropped out, would have been nice to give the other two the courtesy, that’s all.

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Its also possible the uncommunicative roommate is somewhere without internet, computer or phone access. I think its important to withhold judgement and keep an open mind.