<p>My roommate’s a nice enough guy, but I’ve had a fair amount of problems living with him. Enough to warrant a post on here anyway. He is very open and forward when it comes to anything that annoys him, often to the point of rudeness. I don’t really mind except it can on occasion get on my nerves. For instance, often when he’ll walk into the room he’ll say ‘smells weird in here’, before asking me if I’ve showered. Which is fine, if a little blunt. The room usually smells in the morning because he sleeps with his mouth open (often snoring) and his breath is not entirely pleasant. I know it’s his breath because whenever I’ve sit beside him I’ve been able to smell it and can now recognize it. Also, he has a weak stomach, and therefore sitting in the room becomes impossible if he’s had too much to eat, and for whatever reason he never feels the need to step outside. This happens regularly, or else I would not mention it. I don’t have it in me to tell him off, partly because I wouldn’t know what to say. Occasionally he’ll say ‘my bad’, but it doesn’t help much. So the hypocrisy of ‘smells weird in here’ plus the accusatory looks do get to me sometimes.
He likes playing his music loud. I tried getting used to it but eventually had to ask for him to turn it down a little, and he was very apologetic. But he did’t get the message. Whenever he listens to music, he listens to it on his speakers. He turns it off when I ask him, but if I’m not studying, it’ll be on, cranking folk-pop-acoustic-quirky-indie gems. I don’t want to have to tell him not to play his music on loud so much since I was hoping he’d get the message and do it less, but no luck.
I was open to sharing my food with him, and so is he, although I don’t really take his stuff. He once took a box of my cookies for something happening downstairs, and later told me they didn’t eat any and he didn’t bother bringing them back up, which was a bit annoying.
He comes back at night at around 5 am on a regular basis (he’s in the library because he doesn’t work during the day) and is noisy. Drops his keys on the table next to my bed. Opens his drawers violently. The noise wakes me up usually. A bit inconvenient when you have an exam the next day. I told him to be less noisy and he said he tries and that he will try harder.
I must irritate him too. I’m pretty messy, but he is just as messy so I don’t know. I’m in the room a lot, that might annoy him. I once made fun of an artist he likes, and he took it badly. So I didn’t do that again.
He’s not a bad dude (he makes me feel bad when I tell him off (hardly ever) because he gets very apologetic, but does it again anyway), but living with him can be hard. Any advice would be appreciated.</p>
<p>You should ask him to grab lunch or something and open up a conversation about ongoing isssues. Make it clear that it’s in both of your best interests to be completely honest and not take anything personally. Start by asking him for his honest opinion about you, and then bring the conversation full-circle. After all, everyone wants to enjoy their roommate; it’s the logistics that make that difficult, so you got to work that out.</p>
<p>Or, you may simply be incompatible. Freshman year, I had a roommate which slept 8hr earlier than I did and was quite sensitive to any noise I made while studying. We worked out a situation where I studied via a small LED light and he had a fan to drown out any noises I accidentally make. Also, while I was extremely messy (I’d say I’m close to 98th percentile in that regard), he was a really neat person.</p>
<p>There were compromises and we survived freshman year, but there was one thing for certain: look for roommates with compatible preferences. I specficially searched for a single room so I can study in ultra-bright lights all night, and the conflicts have never been littler since I got a roommate who is also as messy as I am. Sure, my apartment looks like it’s been through an earthquake, but things are just so much more managable now.</p>
<p>Well, I hate to break it to ya, but these are all extremely typical problems when sharing a room - or even house - with someone (close spaces mean you know when they’re dirty or smelly, different sleep schedules mean they can disrupt your nap, different tastes in music or TV means their form of entertainment can get on your nerves).</p>
<p>From your post, it seems like the issues here are twofold. One, you might be taking something personal that is not meant personally. For instance, I used to say, “Man, smells weird in here” about my room alllllll the time. One day my roommate exploded and was like, “Well, I don’t know what it is! Why are you always smelling things?!” The thing was, I was never, ever insinuating it was her that made the room smell bad! She totally took it the wrong way! My instinct is to say your roommate doesn’t mean anything by it. It might just be second nature for him to comment on the state of the room…similar to saying, “Man, it’s dark in here.” He’s not blaming you for the darkness, ya know? </p>
<p>Secondly, there seems to be gaps/lack of communication. I really know how it feels when one person is more upfront than the other…you always want to say, can’t you just keep it inside? It’s not a big deal! I keep stuff inside all the time. But, maybe, you should try just being upfront. It might relax you. </p>
<p>I definitely think you should sit down with him and talk it out. Be like, dude, there’s 3 things here that are really bothering me. 1. can you be more quiet coming in 2. can you not play your music so loud 3. why do you always comment on the room’s smell, am I smelly? Haha. Maybe you can work out something to remind him. A sign on the door that says you’re sleeping. An agreed upon volume that all music must be kept at. Etc. </p>
<p>I feel like these are super typical problems and you either live with them and ignore them, or you constantly keep the lines of communication open if you want certain things to change. Good luck.</p>
<p>Well, I hate to break it to ya, but these are all extremely typical problems when sharing a room - or even house - with someone (close spaces mean you know when they’re dirty or smelly, different sleep schedules mean they can disrupt your nap, different tastes in music or TV means their form of entertainment can get on your nerves).</p>
<p>From your post, it seems like the issues here are twofold. One, you might be taking something personal that is not meant personally. For instance, I used to say, “Man, smells weird in here” about my room alllllll the time. One day my roommate exploded and was like, “Well, I don’t know what it is! Why are you always smelling things?!” The thing was, I was never, ever insinuating it was her that made the room smell bad! She totally took it the wrong way! My instinct is to say your roommate doesn’t mean anything by it. It might just be second nature for him to comment on the state of the room…similar to saying, “Man, it’s dark in here.” He’s not blaming you for the darkness, ya know? </p>
<p>Secondly, there seems to be gaps/lack of communication. I really know how it feels when one person is more upfront than the other…you always want to say, can’t you just keep it inside? It’s not a big deal! I keep stuff inside all the time. But, maybe, you should try just being upfront. It might relax you. </p>
<p>I definitely think you should sit down with him and talk it out. Be like, dude, there’s 3 things here that are really bothering me. 1. can you be more quiet coming in 2. can you not play your music so loud 3. why do you always comment on the room’s smell, am I smelly? Haha. Maybe you can work out something to remind him. A sign on the door that says you’re sleeping. An agreed upon volume that all music must be kept at. Etc. </p>
<p>I feel like these are super typical problems and you either live with them and ignore them, or you constantly keep the lines of communication open if you want certain things to change. Waiting for someone to “get the hint” definitely doesn’t work 100% of the time. Being proactive is frequently necessary in cooperative situations. Good luck.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies. These are fairly typical problems, I realize that, but I guess I was hoping he’d respond to hints and so on, because whenever I’ve tried to have a straightforward conversation with him about these things he either gets very apologetic (which robs me of my conviction) or brushes it off. I don’t take it personally, and he might not be insinuating anything (he probably is) but what annoys me is the hypocrisy. He’s usually the source, and I am the one trying not to embarrass him. Not a big deal, but manners and being considerate are the only thing which keep our problems at bay. I didn’t mention a couple of other things on here because it would seem petty, but suffice it to say I sense a bit of selfishness. There is no intent to annoy, or inconvenience, but if it happens, an apology should be enough, seems to be the attitude. Tied in with some ‘tell me where I’m going wrong, self-improvement is my thing’ stuff which isn’t very earnest. I found myself venting about this to friends and that’s not the sort of thing I usually do, so I thought it might actually be getting to me a little.</p>