<p>As a freshman, my D skipped fall rush but decided to join a sorority in winter when it was much less stressful. Her roommate got her in to her sorority- there was only a dinner, no “rush”. She only lasted one year- among other complaints, she said the sorority (one of the “top” ones) put too much emphasis on looks and not on friendship. I saw the pre-rush shopping list and it was ridiculous, including getting a spray tan. She wishes she had joined one of the other, “lower” sororities where the girls were closer friends. Your daughter may have missed out by rejecting the ones that wanted her. But in the end it’s just one part of the college experience. My D made her closest friends on the ski team and met her boyfriend in the marching band. There is much, much more to college than going Greek.</p>
<p>I think that it is nice that at some schools, there are a variety of timing options for joining sororities. </p>
<p>At U Texas in Austin, either you join your sorority by moving onto campus early and going through rush the week before your freshman classes start or you are extremely unlikely to ever become part of the Greek system. </p>
<p>I like systems where the students are able to to scope out the college and all of the activities offered during the fall of freshman year and then rush spring of freshman year or even - !!! - sophomore year.</p>
<p>Big hugs to you OP. I can’t say I know what your daughter is going through, but I did just live through sorority recruitment with my daughter, and eventhough she had a positive outcome the rollercoaster ride was wild. What I can say is that I think the hardest part for girls that either drop out or are released completely is having to walk the halls of the dorms and see all the darn decorations. If she decides to try again, she has to keep an open mind to find success.</p>
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<p>Actually the idea of “picking” sounds like a lot of life experiences - sport tryouts, college admissions, job interviews, etc.</p>
<p>That said, OP I’m so sorry to hear that about your D. This kind of thing does hurt and it’s very hard when it’s your child who is disappointed and sad. I know having gone through an awful HS experience with my own. My advice for your D: 1. Get involved in some other campus group ASAP. 2. Take another look at the sororities that bid her, she might find that they are worth a second look. 3. If you really want to be involved in the greek system, by all means go through recruitment again or COB. Good luck.</p>
<p>One more thing, during my sorority days the most common reason we did not invite a girl back was not because we did not like her, but rather no one had gotten to know her well enough to form a positive opinion of her. Perhaps if your D gets to know some of the members of the groups she might have a more positive experience next time. I hope so.</p>
<p>And mom, send that care package and some extra hugs to your girl.</p>
<p>Lovely post, Fallgirl.</p>
<p>Wow, we have a wide range of persons on CC. This is the greatest evidence ever.
OP, I am sorry about your daughter’s experience - not uncommon at all.
Very important to move on and meet quality people and be involved with quality activities.</p>
<p>I strongly caution parents to advise their kids to check out - well in advance - the Greek scene at particular colleges/universities they may be interested in - with an eye to how much they dominate as it is not necessarily a positive. Ours didn’t investigate or think about this one way or another. One may wish to apply to schools without a strong Greek culture. Greeks may not be to their liking. </p>
<p>I often read breezy comments claiming sororities are so fantastic but I know enough to heavily question this.</p>
<p>I understand there are regional differences, I do not claim to be a universal expert on Greeks, but what I have witnessed is not to my taste. My knowledge concerns western and midwestern, not eastern or southern schools.</p>
<p>“picking” for a sorority based on:
…er, looks (according to some ranking among sororities – the “top” social status sororite…the “ugly girl” sorority etc. as well-known monikers), dyed blond hair a a high priority (in some cases), ethnic background, perceived social status, family finances, connections/legacy from mom/aunt/big sister etc., gossip?</p>
<p>That vulgar YouTube dancing sorority girl video I was showed that is the rage - and that turned away from in horror --setting back the status of women by 60 years.</p>
<p>Spending hours preparing hair and dresses for rush events. My kids are academic-minded. They are not ugly but will not devote all their time to primping like Kim Kardashian.</p>
<p>(We are not connected to any schools with this “pre-fall” or fall rush, incidentally)</p>
<p>Learning something about a particular sorority that emphasized teddy bears as their symbol. The big sister.
For us this was too childish.</p>
<p>What I think of as a force, IMO, for splintering/dividing rather than joining/bringing together.
THIS is what you want for the student body on a university campus?
Ok, maybe for you, but it isn’t for many of us.</p>
<p>Some elements of rush can be part of job interviews (mentioned above as one argument for just dealing and buying into the rush system), yes, it is correct that how one dresses matters to some extent, however in professional job interviews this is along with multiple MUCH more substantive elements such as: education, grades, intelligence, skills, talent, maturity, quality resume/ leadership, recommendations.</p>
<p>Flame me if you like, but I strongly believe social sororities are out of place in today’s day and age. This is 2011.
The idea of sororities and fraternities dominating a university campus sounds 100% childish to me. I have no issue with professional fraternities or sororities. I have no problem with Greeks on the edge of a campus, I don’t care for them in a central position where they are constantly in one’s face.</p>
<p>^^^And you feel better. Now, breath out. I am sure OP feels better after reading this post.</p>
<p>I’m from the UK and must admit to not knowing a lot about Greek Life. For the OP I’m sorry your daughter is now having a tough time after her Greek experience. I hope she feels better soon and goes on to enjoy the rest of her Freshman experience. My own D has just gone to college and while there is Greek Life on her campus I don’t think she will be joining one. She is at this college on a full scholarship and our income is extremely low, so she probably wouldn’t be invited to join one anyway.</p>
<p>I’ve just seen the following story in a UK newspaper about an 18 year old girl at University of Central Florida who was found dead after a party at her sorority house. It’s too early to say how she died and it may have had nothing to do with the party - very sad for her, her family and friends. How tragic to send your daughter off to college only to receive the news three days later telling you she has been found dead. </p>
<p>[Mystery</a> of freshman sorority girl found dead in her dorm room day after attending a frat party | Mail Online](<a href=“http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2030311/Mystery-freshman-sorority-girl-dead-dorm-room-day-attending-frat-party.html]Mystery”>News Headlines | Today's UK & World News | Daily Mail Online)</p>
<p>Really folks, the OP isn’t asking for opinions on the value (or lack thereof) of the Greek system. She was pouring her heart out about a disappointment her daughter is facing, which if anything should simply elicit empathy. If you don’t know anything first hand about the Greek system and/or don’t care for it, why are you even reading a thread titled “rush disappointment?” There are plenty of other threads that are more appropriate if all you want to do is dump on the Greek system.</p>
<p>I have no desire to dump on the Greek system. I think some kids are attracted to the Greek system, and for others, it never occurs to them to be interested. Kind of like the different social groups in high school.</p>
<p>Among my son’s friends, male and female, I have never heard the subject of sororities/fraternities even come up once in conversation. I think if the Greek system disappeared overnight, they would not notice.</p>
<p>I agree 100% with lateparty. I also did express sympathy to the OP. No one wants his or her child to be left out/ rejected for whatever reason or whatever the situation. ANd yes it is a life experience but as lateparty said, in the other settings the rejection is based on skills, experience, education etc. Maybe by looking at the Greek system through a different lens the OP may gain a different perspective and not feel the pain as much. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to realize that at this point in time the OP’s daughter is in pain and I feel for them both.</p>
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<p>I never spent hours “preparing hair and dress for rush events,” but I think it’s nice to put an effort into looking nice for certain events, and I certainly did primp within the context of my time and budget for formals and things like that, and I don’t see how it’s inconsistent with being academically-minded. There’s no reason one can’t have fun shopping for and doing makeup, hair, nails, clothing, etc., and still rock the science lab. I think it’s a very false dichotomy being set up here.</p>
<p>“Some elements of rush can be part of job interviews (mentioned above as one argument for just dealing and buying into the rush system), yes, it is correct that how one dresses matters to some extent, however in professional job interviews this is along with multiple MUCH more substantive elements such as: education, grades, intelligence, skills, talent, maturity, quality resume/ leadership, recommendations.”</p>
<p>Gee, your substansive elements are what are required at any competitive rush. You need a great resume (because the other girls going through are also going to have great grades and ECs, lots of real volunteer experience, social skills (you have to make a personal connections through conversation in just a few minutes) and everyone wants to recruit someone with talent). Education is handled, and at some schools recommendations are an absolute reuqirement, so the young lady must show initiative. </p>
<p>I really don’t think we need another thread that bashes Greek Life. What OP went through is painful as a mother, but her D made the choice as an adult to give up on recruitment and is learning how to deal with it as an adult. Lets stop bashing the institution that the young lady rejected and celebrate the fact that she made a major decision in college and is growing up. OP you should be proud of her and know that the hurt will pass. If she wants to try again, she will have learned a lesson about not giving up, and if she decides to forgo it all, hopefully she made some friends on campus through this experience.</p>
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<p>Well said…</p>
<p>“really don’t think we need another thread that bashes Greek Life. What OP went through is painful as a mother, but her D made the choice as an adult to give up on recruitment and is learning how to deal with it as an adult. Lets stop bashing the institution that the young lady rejected and celebrate the fact that she made a major decision in college and is growing up.”</p>
<p>Beg pardon? If we had someone talking about stress or disappointment due to costs, we’d have people piping up with advice on picking lower cost options, if it was about problems getting a job as a womens studies major, we’d have folks piping up about practical majors, if it was someone disappointed about not getting into an Ivy, we’d have someone decrying Ivy obsession. Thats simply par for the course with threads here, they rarely stick to tea and sympathy. Im not sure why bashing the fraternity/sorority system (BTW I am getting really tired of it being called the Greek system when it has next to nothing to do with the country that was at the root of western civilization) is any more problematic than bashing Ivy obsession, the liberal arts, high cost privates, etc, etc in similar contexts.</p>
<p>That said, its not clear from the OP if this campus is one where frats dominate, or are at the edge. I know when we looked at colleges, we were concerned with the extent of fraternity dominance of social life.</p>
<p>brooklynborndad- I really just menat that there are several other threads where Greek Life can be bashed to ones hearts content going on right now. I am seriously tempted to start two thread for Positves of Greek Life and Negatives about Greek Life so both sides can bicker til the cows come home.
In other threads that get off topic it is not inapprpriate to wish for boundaries. It is not even as if the OPs daughter was rejected by this system. The young lady in question turned her own back on the opportunity during a stressful time of being away from home and battling illness. If a mother was chatting with you on the street and told you this story would a diatribe against sororities be appropriate or would you respond with kindness and offer her a shoulder for support?</p>
<p>"If a mother was chatting with you on the street and told you this story would a diatribe against sororities be appropriate or would you respond with kindness and offer her a shoulder for support? "</p>
<p>well thered be no point in a diatribe, as her D had already made the choice. I MIGHT in talking to others looking at colleges offer that story as a reason to look carefully at the extent to which sororities dominate campus life. In an internet message board like this we are addressing the person with the issue, AND all the folks who might learn from it, simultaneously. That has its pros and cons.</p>
<p>Its certainly quite appropriate to want to limit over the top bashing. I’ve seen much more over the top “warnings” about other aspects of college life, than I have in this thread. The post by latetotheparty was HEAVILY caveated with “may” “not necessarily” “should investigate” Even her final twist, which was rather more proscriptive, still raised objection only to campuses where frat/sororities dominate. I think taking that as greek bashing seems a tad sensitive.</p>
<p>“I really just menat that there are several other threads where Greek Life can be bashed to ones hearts content going on right now”</p>
<p>Really - I only see ones bashing Princeton for banning freshman year rush, and Cornell for trying to ban hazing.</p>
<p>Well every six months or so, (usually around start of school, and around deferred recruitment) we have some discussions. Check out this thread-meant to actually highlight a few positive stories about Greek Life, and see how it will continue. If you are reading the Princeton thread, you will see the usual suspects as well-though I am staying out of that one.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1184992-positive-spin-greek-system.html?highlight=greek[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1184992-positive-spin-greek-system.html?highlight=greek</a></p>
<p>Rinse, repeat in 3-6 months. Nothing will ever get solved, and minds will never be changed because each schools’ system is different. For sorority recruitment, I usually recommend that parents lurk on greek chat (one word) to see which schools have extremely competitive recruitments, and to read the stories of successful and unsuccessful recruitments. </p>
<p>As for this discussion as it relates to the OP, it doesn’t do any good to tell her to investigate Greek Life or to tell her daughter to maximize her options, get rec letters, etc. She didn’t want to be a part of Greek Life badly enough to give the other options a chance through Preference. If she had come on before her daughter turned her back on the groups that wanted her, she would have gotten different advice. Those in sororities would have been able to tell her to look around the room at preference night at the otgher PNMs, who would be her pledge class and her sister. I would have told her that if she thinks a sorority didn’t give a great impression because they weren’t as polished, she could make a great difference as an active by helping her sisters improve. If she still didn’t want to go through with it, I would wish her well and offer an “I’m sorry” about your recruitment, like most of us have done. Once the horse has left the barn, what good does it do the lock the gate?</p>
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<p>About choked on my wine when I read this line. latetoparty is certainly entitled to his or her opinion and has a right to post that opinion but how anyone could take the statement below as not being Greek bashing is beyond me:</p>
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<p>However, this bottom line is this:</p>
<p>Those of us with kids who have had positive Greek experiences, tend to see it as positive.</p>
<p>Those of us with kids who have had negative Greek experiences, tend to see the system as negative. </p>
<p>Those of us with no first-hand experience with Greek life tend to rely on stereotypes to form our opinions.</p>