S fell in love?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi there, my S is a senior high school student, He likes a girl in the same grade since last year. Within these 2 years, he did everything to please the girl like doing homework for her, buy her gifts…he told us that the girl is the pretty and kind of girl he likes. But the girl showed him in some way that she can only be his friend…but not a close friend. She always asks him for help in homework, whenever my S speaks of other topics than school work, she just **** him. </p>

<p>Everybody in school knows that my S want to friend this girl. My S always talks to his close friends whenever there is quarrels with this girl, and they all feel and agree that the girl is very mean to my S and she doesn’t like my S, she still keep on talk with my S because of the homework as my S is the top studnet in the class. </p>

<p>My S has been very moody within this 2 year, and may be this is one of the reason. Recently my S got the national award scholarship and he is now extremely upset as the girl doesn’t show any appreciation nor even a congrtulation, all she did was keep asking him to do homework for her.</p>

<p>So as a parent, what should I do?</p>

<li><p>Is it wise to discuss the whole case with him? (actually he often talk with his friends about this, and all his friends told him that this girl is make use of him and I think he knows that except he refuses to admit it as I think it hurts so much)</p></li>
<li><p>His friends told him to look for another girl in school, and his reply was no girl other than this girl in school he likes.</p></li>
<li><p>This year is crucial for my S as he has applied some ivy league school and his SAT marks I think have more or less been deteoriated as he was so distracted due to his affair with his girl. What I have been doing within the past months was to keep my mouth shut up for his affair but often press him to keep up his school work.</p></li>
<li><p>Now, since all the preparation for university application is over, is it the right time to talk to him about his affair, or actually should I talk to him, what will be his reaction as I am his parent and because he thinks I’m not in line with him and understand him because of the generation gap?</p></li>
<li><p>by the way, my S is strong at academic, but he is a shy guy. This is his first girl he wants her to be his close friend. I know his sufering is due to his shyness and lack of humor, fun or wild enough to make girl happy…but how to tell him to improve…or how to tell him to get rid of this girl?</p></li>
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2

<p>I’m confused. Are you using your son’s CC account? His/your past posts say you’re a Canadian senior. :confused: I also think this would be better for the Cafe.</p>

<p>Anyway, I think he needs to give up on her. Apparently he’s attracted to her looks because her personality seems terrible. It sounds like she knows exactly how he feels, and she’s using it to full advantage (i.e. to do homework for her). If he’s a senior, he only has a few months left in high school, and he should be enjoying them rather than moping after a girl who clearly doesn’t wish to return the attention. In college there will be plenty of members of the opposite sex from which to choose. Tell him to give up on her and enjoy his last semester! :)</p>

3

<p>thanks…I’m using his account for a while.
the point is how to tell him. He never let me know this affair…I knew it from one of his friend. I think my S will get angry if I talk this with him because I don’t know his pride or it is his affair, I can’t understand due to generation gap. Actually, I tried to talk to him before and I got the same feeling so I stopped.</p>

4

<p>Would it be possible for you to ask one of his friends to post the situation here for advice and then have the friend show him the responses?</p>

<p>Any thoughts on this idea from others?</p>

5

<p>Make your own account…you are posting and asking personal questions and thus your son can and will find out.</p>

6

<p>I think your son would be embarrassed to find out that you know about this situation. He is probably not proud of it and he most likely knows his friends are right. It’s just really hard for kids to “get out of the rut” and change the way relationships are in high school, so this girl using him for homework help will probably continue until he graduates. Have faith that he is handling it the best he can, and know that he probably has a fairly fragile sense of himself in relation to the opposite sex. If you spend a fair amount of time with him, a good teaching moment or two will come up sometime between now and next fall. For example you might point out a couple in a movie or on television in which the girl is really giving and considerate, and to mention that you think that is an ideal to strive for.</p>

7

<p>Well, if it were a GIRL, I would suggest reading the book, women who love too much…</p>

<p>She is playing and believe it or not, he knows it</p>

<p>But as a parent, while we often hate the choices in our kids friends, so long as she isn’t having him steal, cheat, or lie for her, what can you do?</p>

<p>Now, if he is DOING her homework, he can get in trouble for that at school, that is cheating and he could have consequences if he is caught</p>

<p>Perhaps, that might make him stop doing her work, but he isn’t stupid, he is insecure.</p>

<p>The best thing to do is find something else, anything, any EC to keep him busy, I mean does he pine for her on weekends, does she go out with other guys? </p>

<p>Your son knows how he is being treated. His friends, who have al ot more influence than a parent does, have told him.</p>

<p>Really, all you can do is ride it out and let it go. But do be aware that he can get in trouble, depending on the school, for cheating by doing her work. That could have ramifications.</p>

<p>Of</p>

8

<p>thanks citygirlmom…
My S doesn’t go out with the girl on weekend except he is often ill-treated by this girl in school, then in week day at night, on phone or web, the girl then ask my S for homework.</p>

<p>I don;t know whether he is doing hw for her, but I know he laways provide all the answers for her and in group project, he did all the work for her.</p>

9

<p>so does your son see this model elsewhere in his life or culture???</p>

10

<p>Any parent can suggest any book, easy to read if possible, for a shy teen (male) to read so as to make him to stay away from shy in front of girl, to be have some humour and to be more open and speak out?</p>

11

<p>He’s Just Not That Into You…</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068987474X/104-0147067-5031927?v=glance&n=283155[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068987474X/104-0147067-5031927?v=glance&n=283155&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

12

<p>This belongs in the Parent Cafe.</p>

<p>You may wish to get another posting name for yourself, rather than use your son’s posting name. On the one hand, you are questioning if you should approach him directly about this issue but on the other, you are posting on a public forum using his posting name so he can easily discover the posts about himself.</p>

13

<p>I don’t know where you are but ** This Is the parent cafe**</p>

14

<p>I would talk to your son in a general way about how wrong it is to do someone else’s homework for them. He is not helping her, he is hurting her academic potential. Is he going to take her final exams for her? No? Then she will be in danger of flunking some of these classes where she has skipped the homework, and will find herself overwhelmed by a college workload next year. Also, he is endangering his own reputation at school - most schools have a policy on cheating, and he is a willing participant. </p>

<p>It’s sad that he thinks so little of himself that he would risk his valuable reputation for such a tiny reward. But, we were all teenagers in love, and made these kinds of mistakes. He might listen to someone - an uncle or cousin - who is closer in age and can point out the futility of what your son is doing.</p>

<p>The best way for your son to overcome shyness is to be more involved in social situations that are unpressured. My shy oldest son joined a study group for an AP class, which met at a bookstore on the weekends. He became a leader in the group, and, in fact, got to know one of the girls so well that they went to prom together. I hope your son can find something similar that will help him identify his strengths and overcome his shyness.</p>

15

<p>

yes, Super Moderators have that power to magically move threads from one forum to anther! LOL</p>

<p>Pls don’t use your son’s login to discuss his love life!!! (or lack therof)</p>

16

<p>Dear Hazmat,
This thread was in the Parent Forum and I have now moved it to the Parent Cafe. That was what I was referring to in post # 12. </p>

<p>I know where I am at :stuck_out_tongue: j/k</p>

<p>CollegeMom</p>

17

<p>A few thoughts…</p>

<p>Maybe this is just me being paranoid, but his behaviour is really weird. If I were a girl and a guy kept pestering me for two years, while I had let him know, in various ways, that I was not interested, it would be a little creepy. Given that the girl in question is all of about 17, I would say that her immaturity is compounding the mess - she’s not going to give up what she has going on with the homework, but she’s plainly not interested. (It’s a lot easier for adults to, without drama, let someone know that they are not interested and the party in question needs to leave her alone. Harder for teens.)</p>

<p>You could sit your son down and tell him that if she isn’t interested, then she isn’t interested - and he should respect both himself and her enough to stop pursuing her. “Shyness” isn’t an excuse for pursuing too much; it’s a valid reason for not pursuing in the first place. </p>

<p>You could also have a chat with this young lady’s mom, especially considering the homework issue.</p>

<p>Sounds to me like you have the collision of two immature people, which is always a train wreck in the making. Intervention is needed on both sides.</p>

<p>Y’all can completely disagree with me now.</p>

18

<p>If he is doing her homework and it is discovered by those in charge, he is at risk for disciplinary action which will affect his own academic future.</p>

19

<p>hi someone tell me how to delete a posted thread?</p>

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<p>If you ask one of the mods, they might do it. It won’t do much good, though, because they send you e-mails when you get posts to a thread.</p>